Christmas in the books.

 Dad seemed pleased enough with his waffle iron.   I was going to get him some humorous books but never got around to it.  Kind of feel like I don't *need* to buy him stuff since I do the cooking and cleaning.   Not that I keep the place spic and span but still I spend plenty of time to keep it bearable. 

I baked a 10 lb Sugarland ham.   Quite liked it.  It was not as watery as a lot of hams are, enough drippings to make gravy though.   And just did instant mashed taters.  They came out better than the ones I made from scratch on Thanksgiving and got too watery.  It is nice to have a palate that likes easy foods just fine and Dad likes the instant packets fine too.  I think these Idahoan packets are way way better than the old boxes of instant taters used to be.   I have 4 hunks of ham vacuum sealed and a the bony hunk in a big ziplock, not vac sealed for ham and bean soup.  I'm get this weird joy from getting lots of meals out the holiday turkey and hams.   I don't NEED to be so frugal.  But eating cheaply makes it easy or easier to not worry about cost of the farrier or cost of fuel to haul to a ride for fun.  

I rode Tanza yesterday before baking the ham.   I hadn't been on him in 3 weeks.   Someone was target shooting and he got all angst about he noise so I turned around, then had to keep telling him "I turned around but you don't need to or get to bolt"  Lots of  forced laughing to keep breathing and get through that instead of feeding his goofiness.   Then when I was going down the section road the wind started gusting a bit so I cut the ride short, but it was a nice bit of saddle time before cooking.  

Hopefully when I get back to riding more regularly I can insist that we do not make a big deal out of someone enjoying their Boomstick toys.  I don't need Tanza to be mounted shooting tolerant but he doesn't need to get silly because of someone 100 yards or more off doing some plinking.   

Oh Yay I may have broken the vacuum cleaner.

 Was being so good and emptied it out so it would not overfill and cause it to overheat,  and Forgot to put the filter cone on.  I blew crap out of it with air hose and will see if it will start after it cools off.  Trying to keep perspective.  Vacuums are plentiful and relatively cheap and we even have another functioning one upstairs but I  feel like bawling.   This was supposed to be:   Do some cleanup and then maybe do the Christmas decorating.    Of course cleanup was mainly washing covers from Dad's recliner and then a load of jeans because he has lost so much muscle in his legs that the disposable underwear don't catch everything,  yuck, and he won't rotate to clean jeans even after I bought him 3 pairs for his b-day,  I have to either wash em or at least throw in the hamper myself when I feel like I need to force him to use a clean pair.   I guess biology kills your sense of smell as you age so you aren't so grossed out by your own emissions you kill yourself.  

Thank heavens I bought an ozone generator in early 2020 when the stores were constantly having runs on bleach and cleaning supplies.   I don't know how effective ozone is to kill viruses but it certainly does help with odors.  I bought a second one this fall, so I can run for 20 minutes in my bathroom when my morning constitutional stinks it up and so I have a hot spare in case the one in the downstairs bathroom/laundry room breaks.   I will never build a house with that stupid combo, but haven't go to point of spending tens of thousands to add a bathroom or split the space etc in this 70s house.  I am no longer in germaphobe mode at all, but it sure is nice to have the odor killing machine.  If it was not dangerous to run with people present I'd probably move it around and run it several hours a day.   

p.s.   The vacuum cleaner is alive.   I only put it on for a few seconds so don't know if it is going to have an issue with quickly overheating from the crap the filter was not there to catch.   I got decorations down from the attic.  Proved to myself that I didn't need an extra body to do this.  I put a few of my usual mini lights along the fence.  Will put more up tomorrow.  I suppose I'll put the tree up tonight.  Not right now with the FNM program blabbing.   

Rode Tanzaknight today.

 He is getting pretty good at home about standing for me to get on.  I've been working on not being impatient myself and having him stand for several seconds after I'm set and then he gets a cookie before I ask him to walk off.  I've been doing a lot of forced laughing when I ride to keep relaxed when he is being the double speed energizer bunny.   Bee is in good weigh so I can and probably should cut back even a bit more on their feed than what they are on right now.   I'm tending to overfeed Tanza because he got too thin  for my tastes a couple times when he was younger.  But I really don't need him to be having tons of excess energy from getting more concentrates than he needs.  

The senior software engineer is having a cow because I copied old version of code he modified because the mod doesn't work with one specialized mission.   Well whatever,  if he wants to force the new code to work (I think to skip the one code function that fails for it he can.  I didn't want to mess with it on a weekend morning.  

I am late to feed the horses and get ready for bed.  Sometimes I am tired but can't seem to break away from the computer chair.  I am so weird.  

Another Thanksgiving in the books

Just dad and I and 4 dogs.  The dogs did not get any turkey or sides.   We had a 4th dog for a good part of the day.   I think his owner or family was gone for the day.   He whined and whined wanting in most of the day and then about 5 pm he was gone.  I guess we are the unofficial dog hang out for the neighborhood.   We had a great Pyr for a few hours on Tuesday morning.  I went driving around the neighborhood with the  boxer/pitbull ??? yesterday and recognized the GP so now I know his name and that he is just a couple lots over.   Pitty really acted like he wanted to jump out of the car at a couple of places so I'm thinking that was close to home for him.   I think he probably heard his owner's vehicle and sprinted home yesterday.   

I rode Tanza today.  Just a short dirt road ride but it went well.  It was super nice out.  Of course the FNM are making a huge deal out of "we will probably break the record for most days between measurable snowfall"  

The meal turned out OK.   I was disorganized with getting taters on the stove to cook for mashing and the dressing in the oven and had a time getting the turkey into a shallow pan to serve it but gotRdone in the end.  

I rode Tanza in his pen yesterday

 It was a nice warm day and I had a bit of time between meetings so I decided  I should grab a quick ride.  Breeze was going pretty good so I decided to play it safe and just ride in the horse pen.  This is good for us anyway to work on just listening to my direction and speed signals.  I do tend to leave too much to the horse when I'm just riding field roads.   The thigh hematoma did not bother me any.  The only thing it really bothers for is my back stretches with one leg crossed above the other knee.   The nature of that stretch is some forearm force on bent knee and this gives a good hip stretch.   My forearm goes over the hematoma and it is too tender to do the normal stretch.  

I have got to get cracking with making dentist appointment and appt to clean out office at work.   I think they changed my exemption and I am not required to WFH now, but I'm not going to want to get a stupid covid test on a weekly or possibly even 2/week basis and before the stupid vaccine mandate I had discussed working mostly from home and the now deputy director had said "you know that means you won't be able to keep a private office"  It will force me to go through the office books and papers and throw out some stuff.  

I have fallen off on all decluttering at home and need to get back to that and to doing more cleaning.   I don't mind scrubbing something but routine dusting and such seems so futile.  When the obvious dust and stains are gone I notice secondary stuff and being arid high plains new dust moves in within a week.  I'm trying to convince myself that more dusting and stuff will be worth the nicer surroundings.  

I don't know how to shake off my fears or depression

 I don't even know which is the bigger mental hurdle.   I am depressed about covid paranoia, and that my riding buddies that I enjoyed so much in 2020 think that I'm a crappy horse person and making Tanza into a dangerous horse by not vocalizing loud enough for them to hear when he and I are on the same wavelength and I'm being a wussy and slowing through rock cuz I don't want a hoof bruise or stumble and fall.   I am also now a bit scared after coming off of him and him stepping on me when he was freaking out about the long latigo strap last week.   

p.s.   I rode Razz after writing that.   I think he may have a bit of 'white line disease'.  That is a misnomer.  I think white line disease is an actual disease.  Razz looks like he has some loose hoof sole and may have a bit of black infection area next to his hoof wall.   I think that me skipping trimming him thinking he'd have more hoof so wouldn't be ouchy footed may have backfired.   Farrier comes next week, so Razz will get trimmed and I've located his hoof boots,  so if he doesn't have a sore tendon or ligament he should be good to go.   My bruised thigh did not bother most of the time.   Felt like the buckle was rubbing when buckle was actually down at my ankle when I got on but I barely noticed it most of the time.  

Off the hook for T-day travel

 Bro called dad on Monday for dad's bday.  Dad was still talking to sis so had to call bro back.  But bro didn't have insurance check/cash in hand when the modular home company had house ready and it took a good while for that to get sorted and other delays so they will not be back in Paradise for another couple months it sounds like.   So I get to stay home on Thanksgiving weekend.   We will be dog-sitting for our wonderful next door neighbors.    S and kids are driving to Indiana to help S's friend deal with funeral for friend's DH while friend is recovering from severe covid.  I guess covid contributed greatly to the DH's death as well.   She was in hospital and he got sick and neglected to take his insulin or whatever diabetes medicines,  and he ended up having a fatal heart attack.    P will fly to Illinois, spend thanksgiving with his mom and then they will all drive back together.   

Fauci should be in GITMO for helping China develop that nasty disease.  There is no possible good enough reason to be messing with gain of function research in the first place and then to fund it to happen in China?  Of course they were either going to use it as a weapon against the rest of the world or let it out by negligence.   But the FNM is covering for Fauci so far.   And Trump was advised and believed the advice to trust Fauci.   Well I never thought Trump was perfect;  but it rankles a bit that he STILL seems to be unready to fire Fauci if the election had not been stolen.  

Stupid Tanza bucked me off and stepped on my thigh on Saturday.   The bruise/hematoma is still somewhat tender.   I have been blowing off doing any riding even of RazzMo.  I need to get on Razz and take an ambling pace ride soon.  Will be good for both of us.  

Lazy weekend morning

 I need to shake off the laziness.  I want to ride Tanza and RazzMo this weekend and take dad out for supper, or very late lunch.  Well, not really want to, but it would be a good thing.  I hardly talk to him at home for various reasons (he has propaganda on, or my nose is being sensitive and I just want to get upstairs, or wrestling with some work thing and want to get back to it)  

And I need to talk to the sibs, make sure bro is not expecting we will come for T-day, or if he and M are expecting us to come than I need to get cracking like right now to plan the drive, get time off etc.  

Finally Friday?

 It IS Friday and I don't have to be working on finding a new income source.  But I still feel terribly behind.  Well I AM terribly behind.  I pulled out my checkbook and had not given dad a rent check since June.   He doesn't need that income, but I need to know that I am paying good market value.  Probably I do enough around the place I could cut the payment in half,  I did chop it some for the farrier trims I cover and whatnot.  I've been forcing myself to go through the mess of mail on the table and at least separate out what can just be burned.   That is not the "only handle mail once" method that experts recommend but looking at the height of the pile was too overwhelming.   

So mail pile is cut in half or so,  and I showered off the week's grime.  I ordered some Duluth TC jeans for dad's birthday present.  Its mostly a present to me for him to have more jeans so I can just toss a pair in the hamper w/o having to actually run a load of clothes when the pair he has been wearing is getting too ripe for continued wear.  I don't want to wind up in hospital and probably losing sense of smell and taste is miserable; but part of me would be happy to get covid if it meant my nose would lose 90% of its sensitivity. 

I fear with the stupid vaccine mandate, my exemption meaning I continue 100% WFH and businesses and orgs going stupid with "no vaccine no entry" policies I may get stuck in such a hermit rut that I won't be able to resume normal social activities if and when the rest of country gets over the covid hysteria.  Oh well,  at least I know that I took a stand for my principles against letting the gub'mint make my health decisions. 

Whew, work accepted my request for religious exemption to the vaccine mandate

I am so relieved that I don't have to within 6 weeks do all the things a termination would have forced.   I celebrated by riding both Tanzaknight and RazzMo yesterday.  The weather was wonderful, thank goodness I didn't let the TV weather prediction that it would be windy scare me off.   And cooked pork chops that I had dad buy earlier in the work and did a load of laundry in the evening.   I had used a packet of Teriyaki sauce from frozen stir fry veggies to marinade the chops and started out to grill them but ran out of propane so had to pan fry them to finish em.  They were ok,  I like em better breaded, seared and finished a few minutes in the oven, but had thought with the last warm day it would be nice to change it up and grill em after marinading.  

I think I'll ask dad if he wants to go out next weekend for his birthday.   I'll suck it up and cook a requested meal if he'd rather.  I halfway wanted to go out this weekend but then thought 'no, I don't want to deal with Halloween crowds, especially on the road.'  I think around here Halloween weekend is right up there with NYE, and St Patty's day for getting buzzed at a bar or party and then driving.  

I am wasting stupid amount of time looking at Duluth Trading Co website, I was thinking maybe I need to just order some more jeans for dad.  He say's he will go to their store site 'when I'm ready.'    but I am ready for him to have more jeans in rotation so I don't have to go "eww, need to wash jeans" when I still have plenty of clean pairs in my closet.  

Well I guess the HD insurance through work is not worthwhile

 I found something after quite a lot of digging with employee costs for less than fte where the org is only paying half what they normally cover and the high deductible plan is not much less than the HMO.  Seems insane but its not truly just a high deductible plan because it covers preventative care and all those screenings and shit can get costly.  

Ugghhhh.   More empathy for people who just grind through their work weeks because they can't deal with figuring out insurance on their own.   Fuck Joe Biden voters.  Yeah, I added voters to the popular chant because he is just the face for this fucking bullshit.  But no more embarrassing or mean tweets.   I hope idiots who voted for Biden or even some idiot 3rd party because "ewww, my FB friends tell me Trump made some embarrassing statement" are getting a good share of this pain.   

I'm tired, especially of living in interesting times

 Supposed to be part of an old Chinese curse.  "May you live in interesting times,  May you attract the attention of people in high places,  like the government.  May you get what you are looking for"

I guess maybe that last one is what is really biting me.  I have wished for the system failures that always come with communism to hit the U.S. quickly in the hope that this increases the odds of a quicker rejection of that horrid system.  

Regular tired because low sleep.   Yesterday I got up early to try to ward off clock failures from IT bringing 2 of 3 prod systems down at the SAME TIME.   I thought they had changed to offset the reboot times by a couple of hours but it was just a one off.   I need to make one thing an HA system, but HA has been very buggy and regardless of that I just think it is STUPID ON STEROIDS to have two out of three prod systems down at the same time on purpose even when it is supposedly just a ten minute outage.

But sundowner Joe may be giving me an extended vacation soon.  I have no idea if HR is predisposed to reject religious exemption requests or will take pity on group managers going "if we lose long term employees Y and Z we will be struggling to meet contract obligations"  In some ways I don't care.  I'll put it in God's hands.   If the exception is accepted I'll keep doing my best for this group.  If it is rejected I'll catch up on sleep first and then figure out whether to scrimp and work on catching up on fencing projects and such or try to create a business or get a new job. 

My foot finally seems to be mostly healed up

 I still get a twinge if it gets twisted a bit but the swelling is pretty much gone and yesterday I ran the chainsaw a lot and hauled branches to the brush pile and heating size pieces to where I store them and only my back was whining that night.   

I think my "PETA the green neo-nazi's will come after people's pets under guise of covid" last week at the end of my convictions musing was over the top.   I don't want to erase it though.   They wouldn't start out with "we are going to seize pets" at any rate.   It will just become difficult to purchase pet food "unexpected supply issues"  and find veterinary services and PSAs to neuter and spay pets become super aggressive with the FNM pushing the narrative for free (well the initial influencers probably get paid by someone.)   

I need to make a list of things I must do to prepare for if/when work denies my vaccine exemption request.  It feels overwhelming, but of course I can do it if I just keep moving forward.  I rode 100 miles last summer I can set up a more secure personal email, switch PayPal to that email from the work email, change to high deductible insurance so I can hopefully afford to keep that.   Get with the program and get screenings and dental that the inclusive HMO insurance covers up to date, and whatever else needs done.   I've just been procrastinating because I don't want to think about it.   A dose of empathy for all the blog commenters that  just caved and got the shots instead of taking a stand.   It still makes me cringe.  Especially ones that were oh so vocal that they had no intention of ever getting this vaccine, but the instant it was a mandate from their state or employer they complied.   I was still on the fence, thinking 'ok maybe at my age I should get the vaccine, I'm not sure about taking ivermectin long term for prevention and some folks don't realize they have covid early enough for ivermectin to be effective.'    But I WILL resist the damned bullying. 

Courage of your convictions

 This is a phrase I've heard a lot over the years and never really gave it any deep thought.   Christian martyrs who chose death over denouncing Christ had the courage of their convictions.  Heaven awaited if they stuck by their faith; and they chose that over caving to Roman mandates to denounce Christ.

They say good times create soft men and it is surely true.   I am filled with angst about losing my job even though I have savings and am not that many years from retirement, but I don't think I can bear the regret if I cave to sundown Joes illegal mandate.  I read so many folks saying "well I was never ever going to get this vaccine, but I'm not going to give up my seniority and current job perks to resist this illegal mandate" and just cringe.    I read other folks who cannot imagine how they'll provide for their family if they don't get the shots and I sympathize, while wishing they had embraced Dave Ramsey et al principles to get out of debt and have an emergency fund etc to where they would feel like they could resist the bullying at least for a couple of months.  I feel like the bullies would fold if a significant number of people said LOLGF instead of just caving immediately for short term safety/security of keeping their current jobs. 

My biggest concern is what comes next if the world governments keep this up and get 99% vaccinated and the rest isolated and covid is still around, as it will be; it is present in other species from what I have read.  So they got everybody vaccinated under the ruse of "we need this so the virus can't remain endemic"  What will they do when it is still out there?  I suspect that the PETA and green world neo nazis will surely help the totalitarians, high on their power trips, decide that the next step is we have to get rid of pets of all species that carry the virus.   These groups despise people spending money on pets instead of some gub'mint or NGO nannies deciding what to do with that money.  Pet owners will likely be the new wreckers who are selfishly putting their communities at risk and must give up their foolish notions that they are entitled to the personal enrichment they get from having pets.   They'll probably target livestock as well, they are already trying to push people away from eating meat. 

Well I may be footloose and fancy free soon

 Work emailed today that we are considered a federal contractor and subject to vaccine mandate EO for federal workers.  NO exception for folks working from home,  NO allowance to get tested weekly instead.

I told my bosses to find out if the org will extend that to their contractors.  If not, then I will do through monkey work to set up as a contractor.  Otherwise sayanora,  you have until the deadline to get me replaced.  

 I'm very angst about it, but I've made so many rationalizations that it is ok to keep working there, as they spread climate change lies and so on and I really want to hold the line on not going along with an illegal mandate from the resident of the oval office,  only in that office because of obvious massive election cheating.  

 I feel like I may be a minority of one who doesn't just cave "it is only a shot, and there is only .x % chance I'll have a horrible side effect from it"    That side effect risk isn't even the issue for me.  I just don't want to cave instantly and thus put extra pressure to cave on people with natural immunity from recovering from covid, are young, healthy, want to have kids,  have a serious moral qualm from the developed with fetal stem cells from an abortion issue etc etc.   I am bummed at all the people crying "well I had to cave, I'd have lost some job seniority or perks"  I don't want to be one of that group, emotionally dragging determined resistors down.  

I want to go to Moab ride but I don't think Tanza and I are fit after the stupid broken foot

 I haven't even gotten on a horse yet since the dumb break.  I think with the stiff boots it will be fine, but my foot may get sore or tired after a shorter amount of time.   And I'm a bit wary even after the boot kept the mis-step while sawing this weekend from causing any damage.    But Moab is such a pretty area to ride in, and I have some trepidation that RMs or the sanctioning org will hop on the vaccine mandate wagon to allow entries or this RM will stop putting on rides because he is no spring chicken.   Soooo maddening when I don't have any serious fear of the vaccine, but I don't want to take it because of standing against the illegal mandates to get it.   Oh well,  its not like I'm in danger of being killed for staying true to my belief, like Christians in Iran, Iraq etc.    It may be a stupid stand, but I've done so much caving, and going along to get along as the commiecrats get more totalitarian every year and my self respect needs me to stand firm on something. 

Foot and ankle are pretty happy in stiff work boots

 I think I had/have some ankle spraining and the boots are actually making that feel better.   Doc looked at X-ray's showed me the breaks and the 'cloud of new bone forming'  I am good to 'start weaning off the ortho sandal'  for me that is just wearing the work boots I bought and walking more normally for middle of the night and morning bathroom trips.   I did step funny and land fairly hard on the hurt foot cutting some branches this morning and it is letting me know about it, but theres was no "Ouch, oh crap" instant high pain so I don't think I re-damaged anything; the foot is just not ready for that much stress. 

Thank God for the horses

 Anytime I drift the tiniest bit towards suicidal thoughts its immediate "can't, I have to be around to take care of the horses"    I think I have other mental/emotional safeguards, I think suicide is a sin, etc. but the horses are an immediate, tangible reason I can't indulge any such thought for even a moment.  

Ugh, hate it when the BOSS is the holdup for being able to do something

 Not that he is refusing permission to do something.  He has residual scripts and dirs that only he has permission to remove unless IT would remove as root, which THEY would need him to OK, so it wouldn't be any faster than him just removing his crap himself.   I understand he wanted to retain some actual coding and science tasks as a break from management crap; but he spread himself too thin, and then was applied for and was made boss of the whole program and got stretched even more.   Serenity,  I can probably nag him at the meeting today and then he'll do it right then when thinking about it. 

Personal ugh.  I got the riding mower stuck.  I will have to get dad to plan on helping get it out with the tractor.  It shouldn't take long with the tractor.  

FNM ugh.   Fox reported a poll and  the FNM lying is still working.   over 2/3s reported saying they think masks and vaccines are effective against covid and 56%?!?  'approved of Biden's illegal vaccine mandate for businesses.'      I fear modern civilization will fail within my lifetime.  Best case scenario is a reversion back to mid 19th century with farming communities and those stuck in cities have shortened life expectancy stats because cholera and TB and the like come back when modern water treatments and sewage handling fail and every city has San Fran shitting in the streets, probably at 2-3 fold since it won't be only mentally ill homeless doing the shitting when no one's toilet flushes anymore.   I guess I should try to read Revelations to get a possible worst case scenario. 

Is it quitting time yet? LOL

Maybe I want work to implement a covid vaccine mandate and let me go when I refuse to comply.  But I would miss having the excuse to just sit and type instead of doing hard manual work trying to keep this place halfway decent.   I am a wee bit demoralized that people who were all " I am not getting this shot" folded like a cheap suit the instant their employer mandated it, with no attempt whatsoever to resist for even a week or two.   Perhaps I fear I will just give in myself as well but I am tired of rationalizing going along to get along.   If I give in it will increase pressure on those who have moral misgivings about the shots or higher fears about side effects; plus it will embolden the tyrants to come up with new ways everyone must submit and I'm tired of that BS.  

I did tidy up the base of the tree next to the dividing fence with the neighbors this weekend, and got all the velvet? weed snipped off in one pen that the mower can't get into.  Plus burned more tumbled in dried weeds and some of the household paper trash and did some bits of cleanup of some other velvet weed and Russian Olive shoots at the base of trees. I punted again on running the mower.  Perhaps I am hoping dad will run the mower again, but if he does I'll probably end up annoyed at where he chooses to mow and then feel badly about being so bitchy.   

I think the foot is finally getting better. This weekend I will not spray weeds in sandy paddock

 Cuz the foot was feeling like it was getting better and then felt like I set it back after spraying goats heads burrs last week.   I'll just have to live with knowing I'll have burrs next year.  Plus it is chance of rain tonight and last week I was so frustrated when I had made my foot hurt and then it rained a bit after sunset.  I have not even checked to see if the burrs that were sprayed died or not.  Forcing myself to let it go for now.   I ran the pole saw a bit this morning instead.  I can do some mowing too.  Lots of projects on the list that are not stressful to the foot.  

ugh, stuck in boring meeting.

I need to go grain my horses.   Sounds like we may have another Doug bug,  L2 half cycle slips not getting fixed correctly.   This may be that the code that used to connect phases turned off some looking for cycle slips since the connecting phases is happening earlier and the cycle slip fixing could be turned back on. 

I find it hard to believe that the atmosphere guru group's  climate modeling is 15 K deg different then their operational model for upper stratosphere.   So I suspect that there is some problem in computing the height for one or the other of their products.   But genius is sure he did things correctly and he is the genius; but he'll never volunteer what steps he took to verify things were done correctly.

And stupid foot is not healing real fast.   I don't know if I'm setting healing back by being on it too much, or the injury is just one that will take longer to heal.  I hate not knowing whether I need to baby the hell out of it or just 'soldier through' when it gets to whining every time I'm vertical for much over an hour. 

Well I don't guess I have low level depression

 I did a web search because I've had this "ugh do I have to get up and function today" so many mornings.   The answer is always yes, so I only indulge that for 10-20 minutes and then cowboy up and get dressed and feed the horses and I thought I remembered reading that always feeling too tired to do anything was a symptom of depression. Anyway low level depression symptoms from web were more chronic blues, feeling sad most of the time.   So perhaps I have very low level chronic fatigue symptom.   Or I'm just in the group of people that needs 8 or bit more hours of sleep but only get 7.5 nightly.    When I'm on vacation I sleep 8 to 8.5 but I can't do the 9+ to fill in sleep deficit like my traveling companions often seem to do.   

I AM in a funk about the 'decline of western civilization.'   I'm trying to keep perspective that the majority of people throughout history have endured a lot worse tyranny and hardships than stolen elections and idiotic covid lockdowns and vaccine mandates for HCWs or state employees and by some companies.  Still it is sad to have lived in quite idyllic circumstances and be witnessing people throw away freedom for a false sense of security, especially over such a small threat.   But so many people have not figured out that the FNM is lying about the threat level to push the public to give up freedoms.   

I need to send some texts.

I don't know why I procrastinate so on using the phone, even with texts.  I suppose I've just carried over my dislike of phoning, especially leaving voice mails to texting.   Silly because a good part of the phoning and especially VMs is how icky my recorded voice is.   People have told me I don't sound that bad IRL, but they were probably mostly being nice so I suppose I should just do some elocution practice to improve how I sound.  Yes, that is right behind practicing with firearms and cleaning the floors more often on the list of things I should do but am not committed to actually doing.  

Also I am still meh on B and also a bit on sis.  Riding in SD I kept thinking "I need to ride with sis, I'm tired of just zooming on super developed trails and I want to ride with someone that enjoys a bit more exploring"  But then Tanza stepped on my foot.   I don't want to burn bridges with B but am still angry about her comments as we were driving home from the trip.  

I should also text neighbor since I don't go on FB anymore.  She is busy, but I just want to get some comms going to make sure I'm not being an inconsiderate neighbor with the tumbled weeds and so on.  Feels like she is avoiding me, or me and dad, and I can't blame her;  we are so opposite of her core values of keeping a nice house for her family; and she has a lot of friendships with other moms so busy socially as well as with work of home schooling and keeping house and gardening etc. 

I should disengage from the blog again.

 I never cut it off, just had a period where I was very busy plus would read a few comments and be done as whinging about things was not helpful to me at the time.  I re-engaged and have been drawn in the last few weeks, but I really don't enjoy the cool kids' cliques talking to each other in posts.  They've exchanged ph #s, the only reason for them to ping each other online instead of sending texts is to remind the plebes that they are in a clique.   And a lot of the rest is the same old things certain folks always say.  I know I'm a stuck record on a few subjects myself but its growing stale to me. 

Ortho appointment tomorrow

Not watching news,  only the new tidbits posted at the blog I frequent but it is eerily like 9/11 reading snatches about the disaster unfolding in Khabul.    Those poor folks that Biden and his team of bunglers are leaving hanging for the taliban to pick off.   And all the military folks watching the treachery and having no more power than I do to stop it.    

crap, doc thinks my 3rd metatarsal is broken

 She was very prompt getting the x-ray read.  I had at least halfway convinced myself that I just had some bruising of ligaments or something and was going to need to switch gears from being overly protective trying to avoid jostling broken bone ends to stretching and stuff.  Nope, 4+ weeks of surgical shoe.  I need to see if HMO has the shoe or should I order one off of Amazon,  having the full walking cast is a PITA and should not be needed for injury only of the foot bone.   No riding trip with sis unless we can get one in at the end of September.    The only 'good' thing is it is a handy excuse to skip riding with the judgmental crowd 2nd weekend of September.  Not sure I was really even invited, but they were not avoiding talking about it in my presence so perhaps I was.   

Dang I am depressed about this, and I suppose also the rapid decline of the country.   Normalcy bias I guess.  I keep thinking I've come to grips with the fact that the evil corruptocrats won; then feeling gut punched when some new bad thing happens.  

getting an X-ray on Monday

 Yesterday after end of working hours I saw email from nurse at HMO that she could not look at my foot at Tuesday appt.   I tried chat with a doc and the doc got an order in for me to get an x-ray.  I could have gotten it today or Sunday if I was willing to drive to one of the bigger facilities but I figured it wasn't a big rush.   

I may have to quit the easy peasy HMO for insurance option though.  They sent email that they may stop allowing unvaccinated visitors.  Probably not turning away patients yet, but sheesh if I was in a serious accident I don't want my fandamily shut out from being able to see me, advocate for me if needed because they and I have skipped the jab.   If things are going to go that way I need to get a high deductible plan and find a concierge type doc that is not on the everyone must vaccinate 11! bandwagon instead.   I guess that is the more liberty option always but the HMO system was easy, and very low risk for a big bill and not overly nannying up to now so I had gone with it.  I hope I can still do the high deductible and have more say in my health care.   SMH for the commiecrats and the idiots who let FNM liars guide their decisions. 

Must be the new Friday again

 A few things were posted on slack early this morning but I have gotten zero replies to my question about the spam or my response to a Q.  Well I do write responses in a way to not require a response back, I don't want infinite back and forth emails or app messages; but still it again seems like folks are starting their weekend 32 hours early.   I need to make myself a do list of work tasks.  I focused on one task I received Tuesday afternoon and have not done other things that do need to be addressed eventually.   

I'm just so tired of feeling like its a one way street.  I have a question or need help and its like deep space swallowed my question, but everyone expects I will fix an issue or educate them on something they could have figured out with a bit of research on their own.  

I called the HMO # yesterday trying to schedule to get my foot that Tanza stepped on x-rayed.  Got tired of waiting after 15 minutes on hold and just scheduled a tetanus shot and added the foot in the comments box.   So I won't get the x-ray until Tuesday unless they call me to come in earlier.   Which kind of sucks because the Frankenboot is causing some irritation but such is life.  I feel like I need it for up and down stairs and outside.  If I was not up and down the stairs so much I could just leave the boot by the outside door but I don't want to try to tune out dad's blaring television to work downstairs, nor deal with his smells.  Its not like I would have rode with group this weekend anyway since according to B, Tanza was being dangerous.   I do need to work on his manners for standing in a group, but it is hard to figure out just what the hell the problem was since B exaggerated so much, figuratively kicking me while I was down over the damn stepped on foot.   She can be a royal Beeyotch at times.  Always smiling and asking how she can help but often managing to do fuck all; she does get her way if she wants to ride longer than I did; sweetly polite while tearing me down.  She'd be a good southern belle.  

Scratching my head,. trying to remember Tanza "spinning into another horse" on SD trip

 He had some short bus moments but B was telling me he is dangerous and was spinning into other horses.  I just don't remember him doing that.  *I* may have turned him in a circle at a couple of spots where I needed him to wait until the horse in front was clear instead of rushing right on their butt.   I do need to work on just standing quietly.  Possibly he did move his hind end around and bump someone on a group stop and discuss what way do we go time and it was so minor I just don't even remember it, but it is rude behavior and I need to make him be better about that.   But I think I may have to pull back on riding much with her and this group if I'm going to feel judged instead of just having fun.  If I'm going to be judged I may as well go back to going to a bunch of AERC rides and accumulate lifetime mileage records as well. 

I wanted to try to connect with some other folks and ride with different people anyway to broaden my riding scope.   It's not the best growth setup to always ride with the same few people. 

Also kind of felt like they were only inviting me on a few rides to secure a ride and camper for B for this trip this summer and I sure don't like feeling used and like "oh we want B to be able to join us for sure, if we invite W4Hs as well, B won't have to worry about her p/u not making it or the cost of fuel"  But that surely is the case.  They would not have invited just me if B had plans for that date.  But in fairness I also would probably have declined anyway because I don't enjoy riding with C like I do with just M and J.  C is too intense for me, even on a trip like this where not trying to win a ride the intensity comes out in the ways like the horses should just trot slower but still trot through the rocky sections because rider comfort keeping a steady pace.  I guess I should have had more empathy for riders with hip and back issues but my default is "practicing gait changes is good for you, keep the horses safer by slowing through the nasty rocky bits"  B was supposed to be the buffer to keep things fun even with C's alpha personality but it didn't quite work out this trip. 

YAY, the goats heads are thinner this year.

 Sunday when I rode the local ditch roads the oil field folks had sprayed the goats heads on the road.  Well they are known as puncture vine in the south,  maybe some of their equipment is vulnerable.  But the super cool thing was that the oil folks must have had someone with a wand doing the spraying.   They had left non burr weeds alone and only sprayed the goats heads.  

And the nasty things are thinner at home,  I have to tromp around quite a while to go through a couple gallons of spray.   They are also thinner at the neighbors.  This is only my 3rd year of spraying seriously there, so its awesome to have made such a dent.  It did take 12+ gallons the first year I sprayed while they were in Indiana at her mom's funeral, and quite a few last year.  Now I've sprayed there maybe 3-4 times with spray left after spraying at home.    It is nice to get the payback of much fewer burrs as reward for diligence in spraying them.  

Of course human nature, moving goalposts.   Now that I am not overwhelmed with the goats heads, I notice how raggedy the yard looks when I let it go too long before mowing, and all the dead trees and branches I haven't cut up and burned yet, plus all the little branches that keep coming at the bottom of the russian olives and elm trees and fencing that I have not gotten around to fixing up yet.   

FNM We are in the top 10 worst air quality cities in the world right now 11!

 Meh,  we have some smog going with smoke from some big fire somewhere and I suppose summer air patterns are making ozone linger near the surface.    The local FNM are always in alarm mode about something; so its impossible to take them seriously about anything.   I am not noticing crappy air like when I was in Delhi, India 22 years ago.   To be fair, Delhi air had a sulfur tang that irritated my throat; I wasn't having any breathing difficulties.   I suppose asthma patients may be having some issues here, but it doesn't seem very bad to me.   I suppose it will give them another excuse for the crappy economy.  "People stayed home because of bad air quality and delta variant concerns"    

And they'll imply that the I-70 shutdowns for mudslides is climate change rather than piss poor planning and management by C-DOT.  It is known that we get monsoon rains in July-August and the mountains can get heavy afternoon thunderstorms even w/o the monsoon moisture train, and the fires were certainly out by this spring.  But they didn't procure chippers and turn dead trees into mulch to mitigate, nor have any efforts to plant annuals or shrubs that could have gotten going in a few months and helped soak up rain, or put in berms to direct runoff so it wouldn't all go rushing over the interstate.   Not to mention that forest management was neglected for decades so that those areas were ripe to have huge fires because of how overcrowded the trees were.   The country and especially this state are being run like 3rd world shitholes; infrastructure is only ever addressed in emergency mode after a failure.   

Sprayed goats heads this morning

I need to spray again.  I know I have some in the smaller horse pens I mowed a couple days ago and I want to spray some for my wonderful neighbors, I'm sure they have more coming after I last sprayed any over there.   I also should text riding buddies.  Its been so hot, and I haven't wanted to push back yard work to ride in the limited time period when I can bear to do stuff outside so I haven't ridden in almost 3 weeks.  Plus it was stacking hay and then having sis and B here the last 2 weekends.  I could have taken a quick ride at home if I'd felt more ambitious but I didn't want to be rude and go off on a haul out ride for several hours while they were here.  

Well I guess I don't want to spray more weeds today.   I don't know if we will get anything.  "moist Upslope winds may generate heavy rains in the foothills this afternoon"   But we might get a weak rain.  Weeds sprayed this am will hopefully have absorbed enough 2-4-D to die regardless.  I forced myself to go spray this morning because I didn't want to get horribly behind if we had a few days of monsoon rains. 

It is so dry here that a nice slow rain, or even the gully washer predicted for the foothills would be OK, but it seems more likely that this will just make it iffy to haul up to cooler places to ride this weekend.  I may have to suck it up and call it heat training.

I had totally forgotten to factor in the hours to stack hay in shed after getting it home

 Thank goodness I'm not working on proposal and that I didn't try to make any riding plans because I thought I would be working on proposal.   I am down to just 3 bales on the trailer and then the 7 in the pickup bed so it won't be hard to finish getting the hay stacked knocked out today.   It is just going to be difficult to find energy to spray some goats heads and I should do some shopping and start doing some cleaning for sis and her guy showing up on Friday.   Especially since I have mental block on doing shopping and cleaning.  I don't know why I have the block on shopping, it isn't a difficult task, and this year I've actually starting doing a bit of chatting with customers in line or cashiers so it is not like I'm having anxiety over the people interactions.  That is probably just my inner miser, not wanting to spend a blasted cent.   But I have money in the bank so it's stupid to be miserly. 

I do know why I don't like to clean.  The mental energy to put stuff away first is still much more than it should be,  in spite of my efforts on general de-cluttering.  Plus with the pets and dad, it feels like "why bother, they'll make a new mess within a day anyway"   And if I'm 100% honest, I don't feel like expending too much energy prepping for B.   I'll forget to prep or buy something he wants and he'll feel slighted regardless.   In his case it would probably make more sense to just try to come up with a list of "things we could do"   He is bored just hanging out.  

Well that explains not hearing from the PI, we are not submitting the proposal.

Would have been nice to hear that fist thing this morning since the higher ups decided it last night, but at least I emailed and he responded before I spent weekend time on it.  And I agree with the decision, since NOAA is looking for a commercial vendor and doesn't want the data shared.  Well after the last proposal, that some cheap bid company won I'm sure NOAA didn't want the data very available since I heard through the grapevine that it was crappy quality.  But NCAR shares data, period; and it is actually nice to have extra eyes on the product to alert if something is off.   

Now I need to hook up to the flatbed trailer to haul hay.  I was thinking wait for dad but that is stupid, he rides the clutch on that pickup and is hard to direct while backing.  I can probably get it on my own.

I've been working very hard trying to get things ready to submit for a proposal due on Tuesday

 And today I am just over it.  Its been worthwhile effort for learning things and I can apply knowledge to our clocks data streams.   But I haven't heard from the PI person after we had a quick google meeting on Monday.  I sent him an email on Wed because I was having difficulty focusing on what to do first and no response to that.   Today I asked the whole staff if anyone had a program to calc. PWV from RAOBS.  Zero response.  Of course, it is Friday and I swear 50% of people take every Fri. pm if not all day Friday off.  Maybe most of them put it on their timecards, but it isn't noted on the group calendar.   Oh but we are all oh soooo stressed by having to WFH these last months.  I suppose I should allow that the extroverts are stressed and by Friday they may feel the need to go out and mingle with people, at least by shopping but it just sucks when I'm trying to get things done or get things set up for a computer to run some batch job over the weekend and need some help with something to work efficiently or sometimes to be able to work at all.  And work opened up to 30% starting this month so people who really want to see co-workers in person have the chance now.  No wonder they are talking about making working in office mandatory 2 or 3 days a week.  They must need a way to force some of the layabouts to get back to working a real work week.  

Of course this is if they don't revert back to "only essentials can be in office" as the "delta covid variant" ramps up.   Thanks to the chronic lying by the FNM, CDC and our state health officials I have no idea if the current covid vaccine does squat against this variant, or if the variant is any worse than normal year flu.  They may just want an excuse for why the economy is crashing thanks to the Democratic socialists pushing all their economy killing crap after cheating their way into power, but the FNM was reporting that some front range county is restoring "wear a mask" rules for indoor shopping etc.   

Oh the FNM/DNC line just now is "surging Delta variant cases are because bitter clingers have resisted getting vaccinated."  I don't believe that.  If states with high vaccination rates are not reporting many cases it is because they aren't testing anymore because "we vaccinated enough people to have herd immunity"  so only the very severe cases are showing up in those states; the cases where people end up in hospital and get tested.   I base this on Japan.  I don't believe the Japanese resist vaccinations, although it is possible they didn't push them for covid because they thought they had stamped it out before it got rampant and they are having a huge surge of Delta variant covid cases (whatever a huge surge is in Japan.)   They are still planning on having the Olympics but they will be strictly a televised/streamed event.  No in person spectators.    The U.S. and world is falling prey to covidism after we thought we had defeated communism.   I'm trying to avoid getting too angst about this.   Christians, and people in general have lived through some truly awful conditions with horrible rulers, I guess history indicates it is a much more natural human condition than what Americans are used to.  

I finally have a few good sized zucchinis.  I fried part of one and had with lunch today.   I haven't done a real grocery shopping trip in 3 weeks or more and was reduced to spam to go with leftover hashbrowns and veggies from Sat supper the last two days for lunch after eating leftover hamburger soup M-W.  I have lots of frozen meat and some frozen veggies in the freezer but I had nothing handy to just heat for a quick lunch.  

Dad felt better Monday when he woke up so I never called or anything

 I suppose I should make myself a checklist or something for at what point do I insist that he seek medical attention.   He wasn't in any extreme distress, I am now thinking maybe he had a touch of food poisoning. I was concerned that he might have covid, he was having an unproductive cough as well as not being able to keep food down.    Well there is a long list of things I should do, this one is probably not going to get attention in the near future since he does go to his docs, and keeps up with his prescriptions and so on.  

I went riding today.  Tanza may have been feeling his bruise from the rock I didn't check and remove at on the 29th the last mile of today's ride.   It was subtle but he didn't feel quite right.  But it was a fun ride overall.  I'll probably put some of the green gel on his back feet Sunday with a bit of wet cotton.  If I were a really good horse person I would do it tonight but I can't summon the energy.  

Sigh. I must suck it up and call dad's insurance 'telehealth' line.

 I hate making phone calls.  I hate dealing with medical shit.  But he needs to get in,  burping all the time is one thing, but not being able to keep food down, that needs to be addressed and he is not going to deal with it himself.  I suppose I should count myself lucky that for normal doc appointments, prescriptions, etc he has been handling everything for himself.   He is only doing the hide under the covers now when feeling crappy, probably scared of what he thinks they might tell him.  

Hmmm, maybe I need to look at the possibility of just taking early retirement

 2-3 hours back from my vacation and I'm already irritated with "tell me what to do", as though my co-workers have  a manual labor job, and the supervisor (which I am NOT even classed as for anyone) has to do all the thinking with them just rote doing what they are told to do.     WTELF?  Where does that lazy mindset even come from?    I suppose a wee bit from the boss having a tendency to micro-manage things but they can get over it and think for themselves.  

My riding vacation veered into learning experience.

Tanza picked up a rock on Tuesday.  I felt he was off but did not jump off and investigate, and I KNEW better than to think that just because I was riding with a vet meant it was ok to just shut my mind off and expect them to tell me if the horse is off,  but I did it anyway.   I am struggling to take it as tough love, rather than obnoxious jerk that they didn't say anything.  But regardless of why, it is a good lesson to me to never never ever rely on people riding with me to help assess anything going on with my horse.  And Tanza is stupidly stoic and just sucked it up when I didn't investigate and remove the rock.   That means I probably need to get a HRM with him and I need to really listen when he gives his subtle complaints that he is tired or something aint quite right.

But he also got race brain on Tuesday so I can't only putter with LDs on him, as I don't want to be riding a horse that is go go go through a technical section where I want him to slow down a bit and really pay attention to the trail.  

Also if the RM does this format next year,  I will probably plan on just riding a couple days, go home for a few days and come back for the second weekend of riding.  Most of the in-state folks did that this year and it wasn't so much fun for me with all the other region folks that knew each other with me not knowing who they were.   

But it was ok.  I hadn't scribed for a vet in over a decade and that was a good refresher and I got to know the ride vet a bit more.  He is really gruff in the vet line.  I now think that this is because he is naturally pretty friendly; so he forces himself to be gruff and abrupt to keep the vet line moving along.  I liked his style.  CRI on every horse, and then pass/fail for other parameters; both vets would mention if guts were quiet, or a horse was a little bit off. 

Time to go spray some weeds

 I need a break from coworker fake sympathy "OMG, you're overloaded, you need a vacation yada yada"  Try to offload any damn task and its "where is the detailed how-to, so I can just do this w/o having to think", or 'MY underling is TOO busy with other stuff to take that on any time soon'.   

So Imma mix up some 2-4-D ester and attack some goats heads burrs.   

Update:   My IT ticket for "blocked can't do squat on this HA system" has still not been responded to.  Lovely, Friday afternoon response levels are now Wed-Fri afternoon response levels.  I am so over it.  IT feels overworked and underpaid.  Maybe they are,  I am aware that management drags their feet to hire staff and really really drags their feet with promotions.  (possibly the newly elevated guy will be better, too soon to tell on that.) 

But I'm expected to set up 15 systems, + coordinate with the clocks guru who is now the group manager on syncing his 5 systems to those data collections systems and #@?!!! IT  insisted I couldn't use the system that was working because "no, we can't have these cross dependencies"  so I've been trying to make things work while being hamstrung, and meanwhile the SE head gives the sympathy, but then blocks me when I suggest her team should take over part of it.  

Maybe if THEY get some extra heat if the clocks go out and boss can't get them up quickly they'll gain some understanding that bringing in all that data for clock estimation is not just an afterthought, and when working4horses asks for ports to be opened to allow redundant data flow they shouldn't just say "You have to have a system w/o cross dependencies"  Plus just because I made it work in the past, doesn't mean its simple to make it work, so when I ask for help its not just because I'm a needy simpleton. 

Isn't it too early for the dog days of summer?

We are having an early hot spell.   Sunday I got up before 5 am with intent to be rolling before 6 am to ensure I was on time to meet the gang at Spruce Meadows.   I had forgotten I was on call when I set up the date and I piddled so much doing that check in the morning that it was 6:20 by the time I was rolling even though Tanza and Lady both let me catch them right away with no games.   Thankfully traffic was still light that early, so I was not late anyway.    I didn't feel too hot riding or hanging out for a bit afterwards but was wiped out by the time I got home and took a long nap.   It was ok,  I still fell asleep easily that night.  I had a hard time waking up/getting moving after the nap but chalked it up to dehydration,  and stressed from the week and riding.   They were discussing their fun the weekend before and today I've felt a bit rejected that I was not invited but they were west of CoSprings, I couldn't have handled the drive w/o camping and didn't have time to camp even if they'd asked me so I should NOT feel that way.  I hate it when I get teenage drama llama irrational feelings.  I should network with some folks north of me to go ride those places once in a while. 

Saturday I got the hog panels replacement for the failing horse wire section of fence by the hay pen finished.  I had to make Dad help me put the boards up over the hog panels and didn't have my ducks as lined up as I'd thought for that but we gotRdone with the only casualty a scratch and bruise on my right forearm.   

Today I sprayed goats heads and along the fenceline for an hour at 'lunch hour'  before the CDAAC meeting.   M had volunteered to take over cleaning data when disk is full alerts came in.  Well I had to do some Thursday night because my auto archive script was running and disk was quite full.  This morning she asked "should I clean to same date on the other missions"   I was fairly terse with "I don't know, check disk space and the archives,  its not typing the cleanup command line that was stress and time-consuming that I needed to offload it"    But I was only terse, when I wanted to have a long rant.  I am just SOOO over people at work going "sure I can take that" and then they expect to have a checklist like our brain-dead ops check versus having to figure out how to accomplish the task.    Like I wouldn't just keep easy,  by a checklist tasks to do when I have morning or Monday brain fog.   

Sunday learned that J did not take his wonder horse to nationals like he had planned.  Not because the horse had issues, but because a month ago at a ride he questioned the rookie vet about how they were awarding BC, because they gave it to an Icelandic that apparently wouldn't even trot out for a CRI after the ride.  J is not even on FB, but I guess his SiL or riding buddies let him know that the AERC FB page was full of people dumping on him for questioning a ride vet.   I find it a bit sad that he let the tongue waggers that don't do squat take something he'd wanted to do away from him.  At least made him feel like he wouldn't have fun at the big event.   

Makes me happy I walked away from FB pretty much entirely.   So many times if I saw some BS like that kind of thing, back when I was on FB, my feeling was "Ohhh crap,  I don't have time to spar with these keyboard warriors, even though they are full of shit" 

No rest for the weary

 I feel unloved because the gang has not invited me to ride since I had to cancel on the morning of May 16th.  I did not ask if they were riding this weekend because I have an infection in my right eye and didn't know if I should drive a trailer up to IC, p/u and trailer are not easy for pulling off to side of road to put in eye drops if eye starts burning and watering so much my driving vision is impaired.   But Friday and Saturday the eye did not get too sore so I would have gone for it if I had been invited.  Perhaps my guardian angel was looking out for me.   But I feel like they don't really enjoy my riding company and I don't know why that would be.  I try to be good riding company, no whining about speed or route, rotate leading and following no "MY horse HAS to be in front", Tanza never kicks, he is pretty good to keep a decent distance behind when not leading, yada yada.  He does do a bit of spooking but it's not so violent it sets this groups' steady horses off.   

Which would leave me.  I do struggle a bit to be on time for early rides but I have made a big effort with these folks and have not come straggling in 20-30  minutes after the agreed meeting time more than once or twice.  I'm not happy home-maker to bring stuff to 'Happy Hour' but I started bringing beer this year to make up for that.  Maybe they think I am just not interested/ am too busy.  I AM busy this year but I want some 2/3 day breaks to keep sane.  I hate feeling like I am always begging to join in and they only let me because they are too softy to say no, but I guess I'll have to ask them because they are not asking me.  I asked my boss for a 'promotion' and he said he was on board but the org would issue guidelines in July.  I think they need me enough to cough up the extra money I requested because our setup is complicated and it takes months for new hires to learn it and be able to really cover things; but I don't 100% trust management on this. 

Last weekend the weather was unsettled so I didn't even ride at home.  Dad ran the tractor so I didn't have to move and lift hay by hand to move the last of the hay from the west side hay shed to the east side so that hay wouldn't sit for 2 years before we got to it again to feed and I got that project done.   I have the shed 95% raked out and just need to put 1 more set of 2by4s down to keep the stacked hay off the dirt and old hay that wouldn't rake up so that is good.   I got two new hinges on my trailer tack door and did a bunch of weeding in the neglected flower beds.  I am going to cover the beds with plastic this fall as soon as the flowers are done and hopefully set the grass back if not kill it.   I have to drill holes and install one more new hinge on my tack door.  I also want to put hinged latch plate and loop on the other side to have backup to the regular door latch to make sure the door doesn't pop open.  Aways expanding projects.  

So much for riding with the gang today

 Tanza would not be caught this morning.   Sighhhh.   I've been mildly concerned that something aint quite right with him because he has not been noshing after riding when trailering out.  Switched him back to eq. senior feed in case the strategy was too much starch and not enough fiber.   Made a point to put his salt, clay and minerals in his morning feed this am.    Do not get to find out if this would have resulted in better after ride eating at a trailhead today because he would not be caught.  I will ride him here on the flat dirt roads in a bit.   I will have to get the corral panels up to get back to having a feeding pen for him so he doesn't have so much room to run around working himself up.  Of course if he is too wound up he won't even go into feeding pen but hopefully if I restore the habit of 'you get fed in here' that will sufficient.  He may also start spending the night in a small pen and run when I want to trailer out in the mornings.   He doesn't get to dictate whether we ride or not.   That is not a path I want to go down.   I hate wondering if there is a tummy upset or saddle is uncomfortable for him etc when he gets hard to catch, but it seems more like he just gets into a high energy mode and can't relax and let me do my thing.  But that can also be  a symptom of ulcers.   Not sure if I should try to do the 50 this saturday now.   I'll know better if I get a good ride on him today. 

Got electric fence working yesterday. Let horses out on pasture today

 Dad was right,  the wire was grounded.  I thought I had tested with the gate handle off but I guess not.   My engineer brain,  oh, right, since I was testing by touching it, and skin has some impedance I suppose the electricity was just going to where it was grounded instead.   Anyway, I need to file in the memory bank that a grounded fence wire may not bite even when the ground is after the point where touching it.

I got the tractor out and moved some of the slop away from the fence line in Tanza's pen.   The tractor was spinning out quite a bit in the slick gunk so progress on clearing was slowed.  Tomorrow I will try to get some done in the other pen I think.  Dad did some mowing YAY!   I hate mowing.  Hopefully he gets the yard done while the weather is mild before it gets too hot for him.   

I have got to quit dinking with the work temperature jump issue.   The software that estimates temp from bending angle and NWM data is not right IMO.   The bending angle does have a teeny bias now vs before but its freaking tiny and the weather centers have been using this 'now biased' bending angle for 6 months and no complaints,  so I think the scientist that wrote our temp estimation will have to solve the issue w/o us reverting the bending angle software  back.  But I'm not in charge so who knows.   It does seem less sensitive when using the higher resolution WM, but another scientist is looking at that.  I am supposed to fix to software that does the WM profiles.   Doug Bug.  Those profiles should be on the WM pressure levels but they are not, they are interpolated to the closest height of the BA or something like that.  On the high resolution model that I would most like to get corrected since we'll probably just use that as input the process to find the points to interpolate through is complicated and I can't yet see how to fix to use pressure levels.   

Arghh, I hate electric fence

Totally stalled on my long do list yesterday because my thought of just tying into A's hot wire was shot down by him.   I figured he'd be all for it to keep my horses farther from his fence in that strip.  But nope,  he told me his charger wasn't powerful enough.  That is totally false; I suppose he had worries my quick temp fencing would be grounded somewhere and cause his fence to not work all the way around his pasture.   So I tried to set up to tie into the hot wire dad had put up in the corral a few years ago when I boarded the part draft horse for a couple months.  I could not get juice out of that system.  Arghhh.

Dad has volunteered to 'look at it.'   He's sure he'll find a grounded spot and that will fix everything.  Perhaps he will but I think the dang charger isn't working correctly.  I don't get along with electric fence, I've decided its better to just have tight enough fence to hold the critters w/o the "oh it will bite me if I touch the fence" aspect but its nice to be able to keep the twerps from shoving on the fence so I understand why people who don't struggle with getting and keeping a wire hot use that tool.

I must force myself to do my taxes today.   I don't know why I've been so reluctant this year.  I guess just general hatred of the commiecrats who are in control.  But I need to not paint a target on myself so must gitRdone.  

I still don't know how to respond to the co-workers invite to Carter Lake.  It might be fun to hang out with a few co-workers for a couple hours.  I'm not sure its worth the drive, but I should drive my dang car more.   Saturday I ran to TSC to get fence insulators, had to relearn how to work the wipers and oh yeah, where is the gas cover unlock button.   Plus my driving muscles are so atrophied.  I've been getting sore driving the pickup if its more than an hour to destination.  It was better Saturday driving to Greenland with B, so the chiro adjustment must have helped.   But I get so annoyed with many of the co-workers.  They all have a dozen excuses why it is not their fault or their problem if things quit running.    I've been feeling like Stewart's "Maggie May" lyric lately.   "but I feel I'm being used,  oh Maggie I couldn't have tried any more"  

Still pondering how to do feeding pen for Tanza

 I am now thinking just use 3 corral panels in a kind of pentagon shape with the 2 pen fence sides.   Because I don't really want a pen that is only 1 panel square but 2 panels square would be oversized.  I think I'll use the hog panels where the fence is falling down in Razz's pen.    I could keep myself busy only puttering with the fencing upgrades I want to do.  But unless I find some kind of hired help, help in exchange for boarding there is so much other crap that needs to be done and I did want to plant taters.  I haven't even got dirt in the tanks.   Sigh.  Too much to do and not enough ambition and then I hobble myself with resentment that dad will not even air up his p/u tire, let alone park his ass on the riding mower instead of the recliner for a few hours and do the mowing or clean corrals with tractor etc.  I understand he can't get on and off to move hoses and shit but if he'd volunteer that he would mow I would go out and move that shit around to be out of his way.  But I need to just accept that I get to cover mowing and tractor work now.   Either have to hire someone or do it myself.  

I figured out the work thing that had me stressed is not totally just using the NWM inputs.  But it is still fundamentally flawed with the interpolation method for T.  And the code creator seems to be imagining a bias in the input product that I do NOT see.   *I* think the issue is that the newer version of that product is including information 33% higher than it did before and the very high information is causing issues.  But I think  I probably get to rewrite the code to ignore that extra information and demonstrate that before the stubborn creator would modify his precious code. 

Gray Monday

 The rain is an answered prayer and much needed.  But I am stressed out over stupid work thing that is really not my circus.  BUT still I am on the team, and I don't want to be associated with a lying product. And it feels like this 'new' way of doing the one product is basically just taking the weather model analysis rather than a bit of tuning based on our raw measurements.    Will I resign over this?   Not a high likelihood but possibly.   Stupid wimpy boss what resigned.   S told everyone about this issue, but no one sat the scientist that wrote this bit down and told him "it has to be OUR data even if that has more noise and bias wrt to radiosondes or other reference measurements than the weather anaysis. 

And fundamentally, other than the 'are we even using our measurements for T and P?'  I think its dumber than a box of rocks to be doing a linear interpolating of weather model to the resolution of the our product before optimizing to minimize the error/difference between the model and us.   The weather model is accurate at its levels.  Anyone with a lick of sense can understand that interpolating between model levels can introduce errors where there was an inflection point for T between the levels.   Seems like the optimization should only use the actual model levels for minimizing differences and preserve the higher resolution features from our raw product between those levels.   I can't fathom the why of interpolating a model and then using all those interpolated points versus our raw values.  My guess would be that that was an easier algorithm to write, but I'm pretty sure it is a poor way to do things.  

Rode with B and M and J again Saturday afternoon.   That was great fun.  Sunday felt like I was just chasing my tail.  I need a jig so I can drill 'square' holes to mount my trailer door hinges.   I didn't want to go to store, but needed to get Tposts and diesel for tractor anyway so I also went to Lowes, but they didn't have that jig in the store so now I still need to order it.   Probably I should just call around and find someone to weld the hinges on or see if the local dealer for this trailer brand would install the hinges instead of doing it myself.   But I don't wanna do that.  I want to feel like I can do this.  

I did some hand weeding.  I need to get out the hoe,  there is simply way too much flower bed to hand weed.  I hate to hoe it because its just random flowers, not a nice row and I feel like I might cut off stuff I want but if I want to get rid of some of the grass and gross weeds I need the tool to have any hope of making a dent.   I did also cut down two small elm trees that had died and got them burned yesterday.  Also burned some old snow fence and a wheelbarrow handle.  I did P's trick of just letting the fire separate the metal from the wood.   

I haven't figured out just how to deal with having a feeding area for Tanza now that Bee found out he can just shove and the non hot fencing rope will pop open.   I think maybe I'll just use the hog panels from the deconstructed stallion pen and one corral panel that has a built in gate.   

Had a blast riding with B last Sunday at Walsenburg.

She got a bonus at work and Stimulus/covid relief check and is loving the Specialized brand saddle that J and K sold to her at a great price so when the forecast for Friday night and Saturday was ewwww and I decided to only ride the LD on Sunday I figured B might be game to go.   The drive is short enough do do on Friday after her workday so she *might* be talked into going in May and riding the the 50 with me an the saturday day for that one. I don't want to push her but it would be fun for me to ride with her again.

I'm not sure how many non T rides I'll end up doing this year.   Just the 3.5 hour drive had my arms and shoulders whining so hard on Monday.   I'll experiment with wearing a bra that is less tight for driving next time, it seemed like maybe that extra tension on the collar bones made things worse.   No safety net of driving in a bra that is good riding support in case of forgetting to pack a sports bra but if my shoulders are happier after the commute to the ride it will be well worth that small risk.  I could always vet wrap my boobs in a pinch if I forgot to pack a good riding bra.  

But between that and not doing a lot of conditioning this spring I am going to skip the early May ride in northern WY.   My mind was screaming "Can not handle that drive even if the gal north of Wheatland wanted to come and drove a few hours of it by the time I got home from Walsenburg Sunday" 

I made a list of a dozen projects I want to get done relatively soon around here this morning.   Got 2 completed and the good start I needed on the pasture temp fencing for the grass seed I planted in March before the 2 foot snow.  I probably should be a hard ass and not let the horses graze the pasture at all this year so it could recover more but they love getting some green grass in late spring and it puts a nice shine on them so I know its good for them, and I don't know if I'd carve out much time for mowing so just not grazing wouldn't do all that much for it I think. If it looks like I'll still be here another year I should over seed a good section of the pasture this fall and fence off that section to get established next spring when I let horses graze

Also got a 3rd project partway done.  Got the garage freezer emptied and unplugged.  It is still cold inside it.  I didn't do anything to speed defrosting.  Everything fit in the chest freezer and house freezer section of fridge so I don't need to hurry things along before stuff is thawing.   I gradually emptied over the week but wrapped it up this morning and tossed away the old turkey necks I had saved 'to maybe make soup with later'.   Next year I should just toss the neck right away or put it in with the carcass when I make the one batch of soup I will mess with. 

Tomorrow I'm riding with B, M and J and having  happy hour.   Unless they do multiple loops I'll probably be home early enough do to at least one more thing on my project list.   I decided I can be lazy and just take the big trailer rather than hooking up to the little one and moving Tanza's saddle to it even though I haven't fixed my tack door hinges yet.  That is a biggish project on my list, I want to make sure I can finish it once I start so there will be the 3 new hinges to support the door. 

  I wanted to limit TV and internet time this weekend, succeeded fairly well today.   I want to limit TV news and social media more all summer.   I do somewhat miss the quick easy communication with casual buddies via FB, I guess I need to get more comfy with texting on the phone.  Overall I think the pluses of not having the crap that FB was always putting in my 'feed' and weaning myself away from "did anyone? / how many? people liked my post"  is a big plus for my mental health.    Haven't completely given up social media as I read the big blog quite a bit but I'm less into that too now and when I post a comment there its often too busy for anyone to comment back specifically to me so that limits the narcissism aspect.

 

I have been such a chilly willy this winter

 Maybe I need to increase my blood pressure.   I put on some stress/holiday goodie season weight at the end of 2020 so I'm hardly suddenly skinnier than  my body is used to.  

Finally got the Christmas decorations packed back up into the attic.   I failed to make room in the shed to store them.  Its OK,  with the isometrics I've been doing for my knees it doesn't feel bad to climb up and down the ladder.  

Could have gone riding with B but I didn't check my phone on Friday.  Arghhh, but oh well.  I rode Tanza a bit on Sunday in the pen and on Tuesday when it was very nice and warm.   She texted me that it was miserable today.  I think it didn't get warm until the breeze was pretty stiff so I'm not too bummed to have missed it.   

Tree is down and boxed up

I still have boxes all over.  Have not taken down the lights draped along the fence.  I kind of want to leave them up longer.  I could bundle everything else back into the attic and just put that light string in the shed for storage.   See what happens.  I've been working on some garage cleanup.  Finally tossing some stuff.  I still feel like I have to tie up bags with broken crap in them and get them in dumpster before dad notices I am throwing broken or now useless item X away and insists on keeping it and I'm probably correct.  But he is at a point where he is not likely to notice some specific item he was holding onto because he might fix it someday has disappeared.  The other impediment to decluttering is my own emotions of "but but but, maybe I could repurpose this or fix that someday"    But slow progress is okay as long as progress is made.  Every last item dealt with now is one less thing when I want to clear the place out to sell it later plus I feel better not having crap stacked up all over the house.  I am super happy that I finally used the internet to track down someone to send pictures that got left in Ed's condo 20 years ago.  I feel a bit badly that I forgot their existence and didn't do that 5-10 years ago; but the family will have the pictures when the USPS gets them delivered and any quarantine period is over.  

Back on the decluttering track

 It is partly just a procrastination tactic.  Avoid the mental and emotional stress of trying to set up a side hustle or change jobs because "I need to get this done first."   But it truly does have to be done and it would absolutely suck to be trying to learn my may around a new job and have dad die or end up in a nursing home and have to deal with all this physical mess of stuff before I could sell or get a roommate or whatever I decided should be done.  

At the same time I've been meaning to take down the Christmas tree but not getting to it for over a week.  I need to go ahead and get that done.   Not that the tree takes very much space, but I want to get all the Christmas decoration boxes put back up in the attic so I'm not working around them while dealing with sorting all the stuff still in the porch and garage.  

I guess I should try to find a new job

Or perhaps try to set up a hobby sideline.   I'm not in fear of losing the job and in fact I feel like I should go more in the Galt direction of putting in bare amount of work to support myself since the commies have come to power, aided and abetted by the media and with the law refusing to act in the face of the fact that the commies got tired of trying to persuade people and just used massive election fraud.  

But the job is my mental refuge from the yucky aspects of living with an 80 year old anti-Fauci.  Morally it would be worse to run away from that home situation than to be aiding the commies via the gub'ment funded job.  But the better moral path would be to find another way to distract from the ewwww yuucckk stuff so it doesn't drive me batty.  

Going to wash that year right out of my hair

 I thought I might do this last night after the UTC rollover before heading to bed, but ended up in a fire drill when clocks were failing.   Boss was working on them too and it turned out to be a weird bug with year rollover, although I had needed to do the copy of a file to 2021 from the last 2020 version as well.  

But all the computers at work are doing their thing this morning and aside from the symbolic good riddance to the year of the 'pandemic', the illegal shutdown orders for businesses that were by and large complied with, as no one realized right away that it wasn't about public health but just the power of the state, the in your face election fraud with MSM crowing about their victory instead of asking questions about all the obvious fraud because they were in on it etc etc  I need to wash the last few days of grime out of my hair.  

I am grateful to have the modern bathroom with hot shower, lots of heat, and a blow dryer.  Stupid useful idiots for the commies have NO idea that these conveniences might go away if the commies prevail and put in their green new deal and so on.  Some of the useful idiots have never camped long enough to miss these marvels made possible by cheap energy.   I'd love to ship groups of them to Venezuela to live with common folk there for a couple weeks and learn the truth about socialism/communism.