I need to just go run my errands

 I've been waiting, thinking dad will want to shift to his bed, and might need a fresh bandage.   But I can't be waiting around all day and not get the feed the horses need and there is no work problem I need to urgently fix right now. 

Having a neighbor come in to help with dad is going pretty well

 I still would like a two or three week vacation from him if not from both him and pesky work demands.  But L is great with dad, and I enjoy her company too.  I'm having to work to have the boundary that I have to go up and do work when she is here and dad is still sleeping or whatever.  

Next I should call the home health service and reduce hours they come again.   I keep punting on that, thinking that its nice to have the option to be gone for several hours on a weekend day w/o worrying about interrupting the neighbors weekend when her DH is not off at work.   But when they have a new person I feel like I have to stick around most of the day to show them stuff; and even if its an experienced person if I think dad should have a clean bandage when he gets up I end up 'waiting to exhale' if he is snoozing late that day.    I still want a live-in person so I could just decide to take off most anytime outside of some negotiated periods and 'the roomie can deal with dad.'   But I don't want to end up with a lazy cad that is hard to evict so I'm not moving at all fast on that. 

I need to throw away some food

 I bought some fried chicken Monday from the grocery store.   Dad had some that evening along with store bought tater salad. and had dire rear yesterday.  Yuck.    I was thinking its just dad and his age, cuz I ate both items myself and was fine; but I was eating a piece of chicken today that I heated a bit over much and it did not taste good.  The tater salad is supposed to be ok till Nov, but it tasted a bit off to me as well.  So I have to overcome my "can't waste food" compulsion and just toss the rest of both things.   It is only a few $ of groceries and there are not starving hobos with super cast iron stomachs queued up where I'd be depriving someone who could use the calories by throwing this crap away.   I also had some old peanut butter that's been in the fridge yesterday morning and it was a little bit rancid.   Not horrible but I don't need to eat it instead of just buying a fresh jar.  

I hate when I know I am illogical about something like cost of food or "oh its terrible to throw food away"  especially when having the aide service folks or hauling the horse to ride somewhere is way more $ and I don't flinch at doing that. 

I am having to work to suppress annoyance at a co-worker asking me to write out detailed instructions for finding which low-level files need to be found to reprocess some old data where we missed generating products on one system that was used for archiving.   She wanted me to spell everyone out fully, instead of making any effort to figure it out on her own.   I restored some files that were tricky to get and gave her just general "look at symlinks to see what files are used" instead of compiling a list.    Ohmmm,   Ohmmmm.   I must stay zen about this and just nudge like I did instead of just doing everything for her or blowing up about it.  

Wasted trip this morning

 Well I did get some fried chicken for lunch.   But I went in with intention to pick up dad's prescriptions and they didn't have the one "its out of stock, it should come on the truck this afternoon"   I had called Sunday morning about it and thought the computer said it would be available "after 2 pm on Sunday"  Sunday does not sound that much like Monday so I think the dumb computer didn't know they were out of inventory and just had the standard refill time but it is possible I misheard.  

Yesterday my mowing operation was prolonged because I snagged some loose wire with the mower so I had to go get a fencing pliers so I could cut it into manageable lengths to unwind from the spindle.  I did get the whole field mowed, but was out of steam to put the tractor away,  it is still sitting in the horse pen, I have the gate closed so the horses can't get into that side for now.  

I must call the HMO, I can't schedule what I want online.   I have a mental block on making the appt.  I think my thyroid level will be low.  I think my block on the appt is that if the thyroid is normal then why why why do I feel so tired all the time.  But its stupid not to get that checked, if thyroid is normal I'm not any worse off than now and if it is low I can get on the synthetic thyroid and improve my daily energy levels.  

I must call my HMO on Monday. I think I may have low thyroid

 Hopefully if it is not a low thyroid issue they can find another cause for why I'm always so tired.   For a year I figured it was just the stress of taking care of dad, house and 10 acres, and having anxiety about falling off from Tanza spooking hard that was making me such a couch potato.  But last week I was thinking "geez, I'm not getting such interrupted sleep lately and I still feel so zombie, and the weather is cooling off and I'm reminded that I spent all last winter going "brrrr, I don't want to try to ride later it is too cold outside" plus dad and sis both are on thyroid.  Mom was too, but she had hyperthyroidism first, so figured they just damaged the thyroid gland too much treating that.  

I need to put aside my weenie fear of rejection and ask the neighborhood gal whom I've had come a couple times a week lately if she and her husband might be interested in living here.   Her FIL passed away on Thursday and his wife showed up.   They had only been separated, not divorced so unless FIL made a will saying "wife gets pension and whatever but I'm willing the house and land to my son" I think the spouse inherits everything and L and D will have to move.   I have been wanting to get some live in help; but I feel like no one would want to actually live here.   But since I expect its low odds of a yes; it would be stupid to not at least ask.  If they did want to do that for half a year or whatever to save up for a down payment on a small starter house it would be a huge help to me.  

Thank goodness for online meetings with icons rather than camera.

 It helps me keep my sanity to be able to roll my eyes or stick my tongue out when windbags are talking or updating process that is stuck, seems to be regressing rather than making progress is being discussed. 

Well I spend hours today debugging something that I had ALREADY told the software engineer needed to be corrected by building the qt4 we need in the directory where it will live because building in a temp directory first was messing it up.   

But I did also find a way to fix another bug that was breaking compiling the other part of the package.  A header print statement for the build log was causing a hard fail with the newer perl version.   Easy fix, just comment out the problem print statement. 

I'm lazy this weekend

 I did pull a bunch of new to me nasty burr plants.  It might be burr ragweed.  Two nasty things in one plant.   Got dad to the neighbors for G's bday party yesterday evening.   G is such a kind kid.  S said G's list of who he wanted to invite to his party was dad,  a gentleman that G met working at the foodbank on Mondays (wow, they are starting the kid young on volunteering) and G's best friend.  

Last weekend I went riding with B.   L came over to be with dad until the service scheduled aide showed up so I was able to get going early and be at the trailhead by mid-morning.   I had fun.   B had done a monster hike the day before and was a bit sore but was a great sport about it;  I don't think she was hurting in the saddle, but she was probably as stiff after driving home as my unfit self.  

I had grabbed two bottles of water to take for hydrating after riding, as well as making sure I had my camelback.  I forgot them at home.  When I got home I went to drink some out the one bottle and it was my bleach solution that I thought D had dumped and thrown away my bottle a couple weeks earlier.  Thank GOD I did not take of swig of that driving home, but was right over the sink and was able to rinse my mouth out right away after I spit it out.   I should have told D on Friday when she was here but I did not.  I still can't past "WHO DOES THAT?  Put a bottle of unknown liquid sitting on the counter in the freezer, didn't even dump it and replace with clean tap water, WTF"    I think I am going to cancel having her come on Fridays and just have L come either Friday or Thursday and I'm debating dropping to just one weekend day with the service if L is willing to be here all day if I get a chance to go trail riding or take some other day trip,  dad is ok by himself for a couple of hours while I run to town or do outside yard work etc.