Argh, two steps backwards

Form letter from state today.  They destroyed my check for my ticket because it didn't match the amount the officer had for the total.  It was really stupid of me to just send in the check without at least adding a note  stating that the subtotal amounts only added up to 103 so I was not paying 108 without an explanation.   So to get it behind me today I just paid it online, which included a 3% handling fee on top of the mystery $5 overcharge vs subtotal amounts.   GAAH.  Oh well,  $5 or $8 is only a tiny tiny spec in my budget, it was just the principle of the thing.  But I didn't think to photocopy the damn ticket before including it when I sent the check so I could hardly dispute things now.  Maybe I had messed up my math in spite of double checking it, I can repeat a mistake multiple times; or officer horrible penmanships 70 to my eyes was 75 or some darn thing.   

I had a nice ride on Tanza yesterday.  Short but nice.  I should have gotten my saddle cleaned, but at least I have finished up the panels.   I should probably do a test ride on Razz to make sure the velcro all holds up and all.  I made chili with another bison chuck roast last night.   It tasted fine but I can't eat chili at night.  I don't think its too spicy and I have been rinsing the beans thoroughly after soaking them for many hours so it shouldn't be overly gas inducing but I had to take a gasX pill last night in the middle of the night.  I decided I only felt bloated and not like too much acid.  I need to buy more of the Maalox + with the gas reducer.   Still I am thinking I may not want to make too much chili.  I probably need to take a break from trying to use the roasts and just do steaks and burger for a few weeks. 

I put up 3 3-ring binder spines in garage Saturday.  Project was not going smoothly.  The driver kept stripping the screwheads so I had to just put them all in by hand.  I was drilling pilot holes but it still wasn't working for me.  I didn't do any practicing with the rifle and new scope for the hog hunt in March.  Its a ways off yet, but I need a lot of practice and I might get ride invites later.   But snails pace decluttering is still de-cluttering so I need to not go all angsty about this.  

grief counseling at work

I guess it is a nice thing for companies or schools to bring in counselors for folks to talk to when an employee or student dies suddenly.   I just don't think I'd want to lower my guard AT work and wouldn't ever go to one in that setting.  Share the shock and sadness with colleagues over coffee and if I still felt gut punched I think I'd spend the dough to see someone privately.

I need to find a system of mini goals to reach early in the day and tracking progress on bigger projects to get myself out of my slump at work.  It is not good and even on mornings where I think "I will do x and y at work and it will be good" I get there and just stall out.   Not acceptable and I know it.

Finally got Sadies hoof supplement ordered last night.  I don't know what my block was on ordering more.  Sometimes its just laziness I guess.  I have been pecking at getting my OF saddle fixed up so offer for sale.  Sewing and gluing velcro on my panels so replace the old screws that attached them to the saddle tree and seat.   Its proving a bigger longer project than I had planned on it being; typical, I always think I can whip some project out in a just 2-3 hours and it ends up taking several hours and going on over many days if I don't complete it on a weekend.

I need some OMMM, OMMMM,  having the tidier rooms, trailer tack compartments  and tack area where I can find things more easily because they are not buried under junk I never use will make life more relaxed this summer.   And it is OK to not be in riding mode yet.   Tanza runs around and keeps his muscles loose almost every morning :P

Gave myself a mini treat today

Stopped for CFA on way to work since I was getting a late start.   I can afford to do this at least a couple times a month if not weekly.   Daily would start to pinch the calorie,time and money budgets but I don't have to eat frozen entrees or leftovers brought from home every single day even if I am trying to help bro and start saving a bit for vehicle fund since car is getting quite long in the tooth and pickup is up there too and replacing pickup is $$ enough that I need to be budgeting to do it for a good while or I'll have to drain the emergency fund.  

I still need to do some tasks at work I meant to start back on Friday.  I must be the most contrary personality.   A week ago I was feeling like I'm not being included in the decisions loop and now, as I am being asked to chime in on or participate in some updates I'm feeling rather "leave me alone"   So silly, but its not like I thought I was immune to crass parts of human nature.

Tanza found green grass next to the minis pen this morning.   He let me put a leadrope around his neck and put him away rather than running around.  I used the collar to get Toby to clear the gate so Tanza would not be all angsty about going in with dog right there and constrained by me.  Sometimes he grumps but I do love that redhead horse.  So pretty in motion and such a smart boy.

Dragging my feet

I need to send a card and check to bro and his wife.  And I'm just not doing it.  I will, but I guess I have some old resentment making me feel a bit like "I dont wanna"  Well I will not beggar myself in anyway, nor send them the full amount of her copays probably any month and will suggest they ask her church to let them do a pancake breakfast or two to raise some extra dough on their own.  Bro has been good to me, I have some resentment of M because she didn't come to mom's memorial 5 years ago -excuse of flying is too hard on her back but then she jetted to Japan a couple months later when her son started a ministry school there, which he then got literally sick from being so homesick within several weeks and had to come home and just finish the semester on-line.  But she is a decent person and adores bro and he adores her and would completely beggar himself to pay for her chemo.  Probably he already has, but hopefully not to point of getting savaged by taking funds out of any retirement accts.

And I'm not jumping into work tasks either.  I kind of hope there is a gub'mint shutdown that is not resolved in just a few short days and I'd have an excuse to take extra PTO, although it would kind of stupid to use up very much in winter and not even be visiting relatives.   I don't know whats up with the work doldrums.  I was feeling pretty good about job and getting things done lately but just dragging this week and feeling like some co-workers are avoiding letting me know their/groups plans.  I don't think they have some plot to shove me out in the next few months because there is a lot going on; but I don't know why they would think they have to make sure I am unaware of any outside plans they have.  I'm not 21st century, cloud computing savvy enough to help advance any cutting edge plans but I wouldn't sabotage them.

But I will abide, I will send bro and wife a check and a pep-talk/nag "have you tried this and this and this to raise funds" letter;  I will finish up some work stuff and set the computer to doing some work on its own over the weekend, contact the MRER peeps about table at convention and donating to special raffle and email the IRA person at the bank to make a catch up contribution for 2017.  At least I have the auto-deductions set up now so it will just go out so much every month and it will be gone before I can feel like I need to spend it on something else.  Hopefully my car keeps plugging along and the p/u especially stays mechanically sound for me, I think I'm not going to end up not being able to save much for new vehicle for the next year.

My traffic fine is in the mailbox

Hope it makes it to the right place.  Very unsettling to have an address which is only Dept. A plus city and zip code (that did not even have that extra 4 digit extension.)   Oh well, thats how they said to mail it so I guess the USPS is used to seeing those.

I feel so behind on the take stuff to recycle at work part of de-cluttering.  Its not really low this week, it just seems off because I was not able to fetch stuff from car yesterday so I only added a bit of stuff to the trunk this morning and still have a lot of that lot sitting in the car.   But I will distribute it later and it will be fine.

Got a text reply sent to M.   Offered to help with her chemo co-pay if needed.  Ommmm,  Ommmmm,  I will not let myself feel like sibs view me as an ATM.   They've both been there for me when I had vehicle problems, to support my riding and so on and only ask(ed) when they were/are quite pinched.   I *can* help them out thanks to the cushy almost a gub'mint worker job that I have and my frugal nature and as long as I'm not grounding my ability to go to rides or do the IRA it is fine to buy a half share in a skid steer or help out  some with medical bills.   They don't like to ask, so they aren't going to be ask for too much.  

 M hinted they would like to move back here (presumably after she finishes chemo, cuz I think she is on medicaid in Cali and would lose coverage at least for a bit with a move.)   I would actually like to have E back in the area,  the idea of settling dad's estate terrifies me, I am that bad with that sort of official paperwork.   So more incentive for me to keep pecking away at the clutter, so they could stay with us for a few months while looking for place far enough east or south to be affordable and there would be room for their stuff.    And if they end up staying in sunny California then I'd have the rooms and extra closet space to think about getting a housemate to help out with housework and yard chores so its all good.  Except there is not space for S and his new bride to be to move in as well.  They'd have to be pushed out of the nest back to her parents or to get jobs and an apartment of their own about right away either back in Cali or here in this state.

At least its a short week

Or perhaps I should absolutely not say this,  it is a short week so I only have 4 days to get things done at work and on Friday my farrier is coming.   Since he is coming on Friday I'm tempted to come extra late to work on Thursday so I can get a morning ride in.  Plus its supposed to be cold and snowy on Saturday.

I got my saddle carrier sewing project done yesterday.  Now I think I should wash the thing and I also think I should put a bit of shoe goop on the edges to prevent raveling.  It is a bit OCD that I feel the need to get this thing so improved to offer it for sale at a great discount price.  Oh well, I yam what I yam.   I have lots and lots of yummy candy left after the work potluck.  I will probably leave some out tomorrow to be nice to folks but I need to have chocolate for the rest of the week so no one in the office has to face me w/o any sweetening.

I'm fairly sure I left my key card in my lightweight coat.  It is not in my purse, luckily one of the post-docs was coming in when I got to work so I didn't need it, but now I can't haul the extra bags of stuff in my car trunk to the recycling bins until tomorrow.

Ed's wife sent me a long text on Sunday.  I didn't see it until today and am unsure how to respond, it was a bit rambling.  I'll come up with something.   A sweet internet friend lost her daughter yesterday "to bipolar"  I think that is code for suicide.   I was just joining an internet BB years a dozen or so years ago right after her son had committed suicide.    She is filled with faith that God forgives them and she will see them in heaven.  And she is likely correct; if they fought the inner demons as long as possible god won't hold an action that was a result of mental illness against them.

   But after losing Pete from the endurance community a couple months ago 2.5 years after K took his life, I am furious at selfish twats who just opt out, not only for the pain they directly caused to their family and friends but for putting the idea in the heads of surviving members of the family or group that you won't be cussed and raged at, but only eulogized for taking that selfish action when you are hurting at some point.   Polite society will not rage to hurting survivors who are clinging to the idea of grace and need to forgive their dead loved one to let themselves heal. But while we try to "judge not, lest ye be judged"  we are angry, especially at the initial selfish twats who have ended up causing a 2nd cascade of grief.   But I need to really live that judge not command.  I was not living whatever mental and or physical anguish any of these folks were in, only God can judge them.

The shed has its new roof already

P works FAST.   He got it done in just one day, with time out to see if our little tractor would lift a propane tank he was selling and then finished up before the buyers showed up after that was a go.  I just put the water-seal coated blankets back on the fence rail rather than tossed them.  I may put them on the one horse shed.  Need to fix its tin roof.  I have Lady in there.  I had pulled horses out of there because I wasn't sure it was safe but one morning when I was feeding Tanza Lady and CJ both ran out the gate when I was trying to get Tanza in and they all 3 went in that back corral.   Lady was running off when I went to catch her and I decided she can just stay there then.  It makes feeding Tanza his extra feed easier.

I got the last of the Christmas stuff packed up and Dad helped me get all the boxes back in the attic and even remembered to go fetch mouse poison to set out up there.   I did a little de-cluttering in the garage and big thing - I asked P when he was working on our roof if his church does group 'garage' sales.  I will ask our other neighbor about her church also.   I don't need more shelf space in the shed right away and it would be ever so much easier to just take all the items to a church parking lot vs getting pictures and setting up delivery and all that jazz to sell things on FB or craigslist.  It is still annoying that the Dems to *protect* people passed the consumer protection rules that even 2nd hand shops can't sell things w/o proving they are free of lead or other junk that some Chinese toys had had.   Of course it is 100% in line with the Dems philosophy to make folks sign up for charity toy drives rather than have an easy budget option to buy 2nd hand toys themselves.

I think I will stop saving the cat litter jugs for now and just take them to recycle.  I don't want to make myself too much of a slave to baby trees that need extra watering, nor exchange mom's oleo and yogurt containers that were not going to be re-used for jugs that wont get re-used either in that shed.  I have several big jugs that I can set out for slow watering, and can save more as we use litter if I use all the saved ones for watering.

I did a search for how to deconstruct the 3 ring binders and tried the drilling out the rivets Saturday evening.  That works pretty well so I can remove all the metal rings and backing plates.  I will use some for hanging pot holders and such and if it is not too hard to install will put some in my horse trailer tack areas.  

Sunday I rode Tanza,  wow I love how doing the planking, and the leg squats makes it so much easier to feel secure in the saddle and to mount.   Tanza was pretty good,  he did do a deer jump a couple of time and I had to do the bend a whoa's to remind him that is not acceptable.  But overall he was not too nervous, nor obnoxious about wanting to race to get home right away.  

Shock, Tanza earned a regional points award for AERC 2017

I thought only the first 3, maybe 4 in each weight division ever got in for our region and they were all well ahead on points, riding to place fairly high and doing 100s; but I guess our regions percent membership vs the highest membership region which places down to the first 10 horses has gone up; so Kenlyn Tanzaknight is in at number 5 unless someone didn't get all their points recorded and notices and gets that corrected.   Since I didn't think placings went down so far and was riding slow, although I did get Tanza 10 ride completions, I am not as thrilled as I would be if I had made it a goal to get into the top 3 or 4 spots and had ridden faster or completed a 100 and got bonus multiplier for that mileage.   But it is kind of fun;  a reminder of what a talented horse I have, making it into standings when he was only 7 is pretty cool even if its a bit of a low bar.  I am so blessed that I stumbled across his ad and was able to buy him 3.x years ago.

I'm only staying even with the clutter right now.  Better than having it build up and I'm going to have to live with dad's clutter to a fair extant.  I have been hoping that if I get to a point where there is good progress I could ask him to move his dining room table clutter into the downstairs office.  Even though we rarely eat at the kitchen table I'd like to keep it pretty much cleared so we *could invite someone to join us for a meal at short notice.  But that is not a biggie.  What I need to do is get my papers in order and maybe coax dad to adjust his will and to send copies to the sibs regardless so that they know the score.   I think will currently specifies X property to Y child, and the property values and mortgage paid down on this place near the $$ metro area has probably skewed things from being pretty much equal split of assets as it was when the will was originally done.

  As executor I can probably make some adjustments, especially if my official inheritance is bigger but I'm not sure how it would work with tax laws and things.  I'd rather have it more spelled out that if ND place is 20% of estate value and ND farmland is 33% and CO place is 47% that I pay sis a sum equal to 11% of estate value, either out of proceeds of selling CO place or doing a refinance for that 11% of estate value if I keep living here for a while or whatever and bro can sell the farmland if he wants $ or keep renting it out if he wants that income instead.   And of course I might die before dad and not have to worry about his estate but MUST get my papers in order so that he and sis don't have an awful mess to sort through.

I'm losing momentum on de-cluttering

Partly this is because the easy things are mostly finished up.  Partly I have had errands to run and calls to make that crowded out the find something to toss or put away in a good spot vs it being clutter that keeps me from finding things when I'm looking for something specific.  But I need to keep pecking at things and not let a couple of skip days become a complete stop.

On the good side I've been better this last couple of weeks about doing my minimal set of exercises and have found that doing my leg squats is easy to add in while grinding my morning coffee.  I sold 3 of mom's Pysch textbooks on Ebay.    I got a whopping 3.xx dollars out of the deal,  USPS got $7.01.
But the main push of selling on ebay was "get the books into hands of someone who will appreciate them" and hopefully that part is realized for this lot of 3 books.   But it gives me some pause for listing more books,  I need to give some thought to how to increase odds of one buyer taking multiple books or possibly search for a used book store in the metro area and email them to see if interested in 25-40 year old textbooks.  

I keep punting on contacting my new riding buddy to see if she would like to sell me a coupon for her crockery painting as something I could use for my MRER raffle item.  I don't know what my mental block on this is.   I've been spinning with possible alternate things but this would help me out and if she is interested in doing a small amount of art as a side hustle it would be a win for her as well.  If she doesn't want to have an open time commitment she is an adult and can tell me.

TGIF

I'm so done with the group work.  Carry over from last night on that.   I was overly reactive about getting pings and advise for a script spamming people with warnings about something that didn't matter.  But no one is pestering today so I think they are on to other things.  With any luck they are all thinking how to deal with the luddite senior software engineer and have forgotten all about tempermental redhead.

Updating my old ground based processing to the new software and I14 vs I08 files is going fairly well.  Its taking more time than I probably should be spending but I was just doing Udemy lectures last week because I didn't have any pressing work on the main missions.  

It should be warm enough to ride this weekend.  I'm feeling a bit faint-hearted to ride my little red ball of energy.  So funny because I can take him away from home and he is great but close to home his energy level is so high I get a bit nervous.  I'll have to work on strategies to relax us both this winter.  

I have some summer weight breeches set aside for convention next month and washed and tossed in dryer the full seat breeches that I want to sell.  And have the anti-fly leg wraps soaking is dish soap and oxyclean.   But it feels off today to not have a bunch of paper or old containers for the recycling bins.   I'll have to get used to it.   There is several days worth of old paper handouts yet in the bookshelf in the workroom but I don't need the bookshelf space immediately and I want to focus on my own closet first.  I will have to get pictures taken of mom's old textbooks to sell individually rather than the lots I had started with. 

I also need to get pics of all her toys and games.   Huge sigh - this is largely thanks to Obama era strangling regulations in response to Chinese toy products having lead and other contaminants but Sal. Army and most charities will not take any used toys anymore.  I will have to put them on sale on FB for charity prices with offers to deliver to public parking areas that won't be too out of my way.   Another example of Dems pretending to be helpful to poor folks and small businesses while really only helping giant offshore corporations.   I guess my other option on the toys would be to wait and have a garage sale or see about getting in on a churches garage sale or something like that.  I'll have to ask the church attending neighbors if their churches do big community garage sales.  Maybe even churches and calling things a garage sale with no retail displays still have to worry about the stupid "prove these toys or books are lead free" regulations  SMH.  

OK, car tags are now renewed

And in new mystery from my scattered brain my passport that I had left just in my purse for years is not there.   I thought I had considered moving it because not very secure and decided to just leave it. So I probably moved it but there is a slight chance that I lost it.   I sure hope that removing all the extra physical stuff will make it easier for me to keep track of important documents and annual paperwork like the vehicle registrations and property taxes etc.  I'm making myself crazy with losing track of things.

I went through my first closet shelf this morning.  I didn't really have that time but its been bugging me so I did it anyway.   Found some riding breeches to take to MRER and a couple of sweat and stirrup pants for Salvation Army bag.  One pair seems in good shape except old elastic and I feel like I should replace the elastic.  But I don't have the inclination to make time for sewing nicely.  Either I will make them rags or drop them off with the last legs elastic and let SA or shoppers deal with it.

I have a lot of sweatshirts.  So many that the one that has bleach splashes and paint on it is going into a rag box, the other two that match it are plenty of heavy sweatshirts.  And I'm going to donate the velour top and lightweight polar fleece tops that are lint and pet hair catchers.  I have pets and a dusty house,  so they need new homes.

Ugh, did not start de-cluttering soon enough

Got pulled over last night and I had NOT renewed my cars license tags last fall.  Ugh ugh ugh.  I thought I remembered even putting the tag on the license plate but I called the clerks office this morning and confirmed that no I did not even get it renewed and lost the envelope with new tag.   This is why I need to have minimal clutter.  If I didn't do something but thought about it I can believe I did take care of it and I just get so overwhelmed that I forget basic things.

Oh well,  the car passed emissions and the renewal fee they quoted me is not horrible.(hopefully this includes penalty for renewing it late)  The PoPo did not write me hugely expensive ticket,  my bank account can absorb it.  Just a nuisance really.  I was way upset last night, only tamped by being super tired.  But I'm doing "be kind to yourself as well as others" to the best of my ability.   Its a modest extra expense,  I didn't have to get someone to post bail to keep from spending night in jail or anything.

I must remember to text the outfitter tonight.  I am soaking the bucket to use to soak some of my tack to try and sell to clean up in bleach and soap today.  Bucket was so grubby it might have made tack dirtier rather than cleaner.   I will keep plodding along with that project and making progress.  I do have a new "making progress" visual now in the house, a nice clear view of the hearth and stove insert in the living room.   Now if I can get the top of the freezer in the entry clear again.

So texted the outfitter because I am rescheduling our hog hunt

Stupid me, initially said yes to his first suggested dates which are right on the new moon.   Well that wont work with all of us over 50 and no high end night optics.  And 90% of future hunting will be daylight hours for deer or elk so can't justify buying night optics.   He wants me to text tomorrow when he is home, to reschedule,  thankfully does seem willing to reschedule.

I did get a bookcase downstairs this weekend and got dads magazines moved and then cleared a bunch of clutter off the hearth of the stove insert.  I am quite enjoying looking at it now.

I deconstructed 3 vinyl binders.  They have cardboard inserts for the stiffness.    The hard part was popping the metal piece out.   Supposedly from the web this would only take a large flathead screwdriver.  Well I didn't find a large screwdriver, but it was quite a chore.  The rivets were no way going to come out with just a small screwdriver to pry with and they were not wanting to cut with the metal shears I found, but I did get them popped off eventually.    I put one binder piece on my headboard and hung some little accessories.  I will probably mount a few more for pot holders and such in the kitchen and am mulling whether they would be useful in my horse trailer and for hanging small items in the tack and feed room.

Books are not selling in 7 days on Ebay.  I need to take more pics and list the textbooks individually and put notices about I will combine shipping.  I did just re-list one set with a lower initial bid and took off the "Buy it Now" option.  I like Buy it Nows when I buy stuff; but until I figure out bottom bids that will cover shipping they probably are not useful for the books.  I hope I can just get them sold on Ebay and don't have to use Amazon or find a special online bookseller to sign up with.

I got my horse blankets on the shed roof.  I think I have obtained full redneck status now, LOL.  But the main thing is not having the wood get rotted, nor contents of shed exposed to elements before we can get the roof fixed properly.   Our neighbor is fixing a shed roof with metal roofing that is on his house and garage (the nice colored stuff)  Local lumber place has some that someone ordered and than welshed on taking so offering at good price.   Neighbor is not thrilled that color is brown rather than the red he has on house but doesn't want to pay full price to special order in to match.  Brown color would work great for us, and will look better than just the raw tin that is on his shed now.  I suspect this material could be painted, but not sure how well the paint would last or how easy it would be to match colors so I will keep my lips closed rather than suggesting "why not just paint it"

I took a baby step to prep for taking stuff to convention of bringing in my breast collar so I could see if the one I want to sell is complete.  It is not.  I do NOT remember ever having the pieces that are missing.  I will have to braid some replacement straps for it unless I find the missing pieces and am not going to search very hard.   Braiding would not be hard but the payment would be only getting this thing a new home, not any kind of $/hour payoff.    Same situation with my saddle bag where I feel like I have to stitch around where I cut stirrup slots in it.   Well doing that would be more soothing than watching most TV, or surfing the web so I should probably go ahead.

It is being stupid hard to find new homes for Mom's toys and things she had collected.  I hope I don't end up having to trash them but I really want them gone from the place,  If I get rid of more junk from the storage shed and get it weathertight the space taken up wont matter, but looking ahead to selling place to settle estate in a few, or hopefully more like several, years the stuff will have to be removed and I'd rather avoid having to just pitch everything into a big haul off dumpster in a time pressed slog.