Little by little going Galt

Not packing up and leaving society or only taking a no-brainer job but I am slowly heading that way.  Mostly just slowing changing my mindset from "I HAVE to help and support xyz,  they are family", and not jumping in at work outside of my core areas.    Also jumping in and expressing my opinion vs just 'being diplomatic'  (really being a wussy trying to avoid any sort of contention)  at least online,  I think I've scared them off at work, well mostly I just am not joining hardly any social stuff there.  

  I keep thinking I'd like to get out of this crazy metro area or perhaps out of the state entirely, but I get icy cold feet and stop all activity that might lead to that at the slightest hint that something might develop.   Why is it so hard to figure out what I actually want?  Can't tell if I'm just being an uber scaredy cat about change or if there is something else hiding in my subconscious with this weird behavior pattern.