Started working on a dad care document today

 Got over my angst and working on spelling out what to do for people that come in.   Next up I have to get over my angst about actually getting a POA and get started on that process.    I think subconsciously I feel like if I have dad sign an official POA I'll have more legal jeopardy if some busybody Karen decides I am not doing things right.   That probably is not even correct, may well have more potential jeopardy handling things w/o having gotten a POA.  

My friend B texted me today,  just asking how I am doing.  I'm not sure how to respond.  Oh well, just keep putting 1 foot in front of the other for now. 

Friday update.   I should add a bit more to the care doc but just feel stuck.   I should make some phone calls but dragging my feet on doing that.   I want someone to hug me and say its ok.   Bought some honey silver wound ointment just now.  Maybe it will help dad's sore on his lower back better than just the zinc oxide cream.  I suppose I should buy an earwax cleaning kit, he doesn't seem to be hearing well the last couple days.   Ordered the earwax cleaning kit and some drops to soften earwax.  Dad is ornery today,  I suppose tired and grumpy because of the rotten sore on his lower back.  It does not look awful but he is uncomfortable and can't sleep well.

  I'm split between "well you want to stay here at home instead of going somewhere with staff where they might not have to mangle you with a sling to get you out of sitting in your piss and could probably do more to prevent and heal little sores" and feeling like a really crappy caregiver for giving him the sore. But I need to just quash my grumpy, guilty feelings and just move forward as best I can.   I did one small admin task today and got my old cellphone auto-refill canceled.  I've had the new phone which I got with a new # for 6 months.  Oh well, it was no biggie paying for the old el-cheapo plan as well as the new el-cheapo plan.   I need to call banks to go in and get signature authority and for the one bank I need to get his account #.  Not sure how to go about that.  Probably I should search harder to try to find deposit slips or checkbook with his account info on it.

Saturday p.s.   arghhh.   Dad's cell plan that I canceled has sent a final bill "we are unable to process the C.C. that was set up for autopay"    Freaking Bank of America and consumer cellular.  That should not have been a problem.   I keep paying extra on the BOA trying to get a month without having to get dad to sign a check since they never sent the snail mail password for online access that they SAID they would when I was moving his ccs to online so I could set up autopay from his checking so he certainly is not behind on paying it and I don't 'think' it expired, I sure don't recall him getting a new card.    It should not be a big deal,  I should just be able to pay it online with my card but why does every little admin thing have to be such a PITA to get done?  

Sunday p.s.  Arghhhh arghhh arghhhh.    Consumer cellular did not seem to have a way to pay online without registering.    So I called the ph # and the idiot automated voice took my cc #, and did not give an option to confirm or change name.  So they probably used dad's name and the charge won't go through.  I will wait for email from Chase before trying to pay with dad's other card.   p.s.  Looked at the bill again and I should be able to send a check.  Still what a PITA.   I have not had email from Chase so maybe that charge went through.

Zombie mode again.

 Dad has been quiet through the nights recently but I'm still in zombie mode.   Last night I woke up, thought 'get up and pee Now'  and knocked the floor lamp next to my bed over when I reached to turn it on.   So got to spend 10 minutes or so groggily sweeping up broken glass and then running a damp mop to hopefully get any stray tiny glass shards, and finding a desk lamp to put on my headboard so I would have light to navigate for the middle of the night bathroom trips.  

I need to call the service to schedule aides to come in again but it feels like having an aide in doesn't reduce my stress any.   They want a list of stuff to do since Dad only needs very intermittent care.  Plus dad is not communicating real well lately and hardly ever asks the aide for tea or whatever.   I wander in from upstairs or outside and ask if he wants tea or a snack to get food and liquid into him.

Mostly I am still in ARGGHHHH are you kidding me mode because the one young twerp aide dumped bleach in my laundry last thursday when I was going to the dentist.   Who doesn't know to use the bleach dispenser on the washing machine?   Surely they all have one these days.  And I didn't even want my jeans bleached,  just the towels and bedding of dads but I was about running late for the dentist and didn't spell things out for her.   And then the one on Friday seemed a lot brighter and was very helpful, washed all my inside windows but she didn't clean the lint filter on the dryer when she did a bit of laundry.  Again RUFKM?   Who doesn't know you clean that filter before drying each load?  It says right there to check it.  

Sunday got an intelligent young lady but still she wanted an exact list of things to do.   I put her to work putting some framed pictures into clear plastic page protectors.  It was a good start on sorting thru a bunch of those old pics but I had wanted to just be outside vegging out, not having to think.  

Ugh, I am zombie mode today

 Can't seem to focus for shit and zero energy.  Trying to line up to buy a used O2 concentrator so I can get dad on some oxygen.   But of course his clinic won't prescribe on the phone nor could tell me how to get someone to come in to do whatever tests are needed.  "just take him to the ER"  He doesn't want to go to an ER and I'm not going to have him hauled off to one against his wishes.  

Called a 'licensed respiratory therapist that has used concentrators for sale,  I could come in and set up, but I need a prescription to know what settings are needed."  Stupid gub'mint regulations and Demonrat lawyers.    I doubt those concentrators go high enough to give O2 poisoning and I know from when mom had a "prescription" service one,   it was not 'just set the O2 liters per minute' to the prescription.  It was 'turn it up as needed'    

So I guess I'll just wing it buying a used one off CL but I hate hate hate this stupid mess created by all the idiots voting for politicians who promise to skim more money off 'the rich,  AKA people who actually FUCKING earn their living'    to give to sniveling whiners who don't want to shift their arses to earn what they want. 

Tax day frenzy

 Heh not really any tax frenzy, although I did just put the Colorado return in the mailbox and am trusting the local post office to date it today.   Put the Fed return in the box Sunday and did verify it was picked up and not left with the delivered mail (I'm bad about not getting the mail every day so if I don't have the flag up sometimes the mail person just shoves the new mail in without getting my outbound letters) 

I've had care people in now 6 or 7 days in a row.   Taking a break tomorrow, have them coming in Thursday and Friday mornings as I have appointments.   I need to schedule to get people in on Saturday and/or Sunday.   Need to check the weather, if it is supposed to be icky I'll probably only do one weekend day, but if its going to be nice I want to do outside stuff even though I don't see myself hauling out to ride yet.  Baby steps getting back in the saddle,  Tanza has been awesome for me doing short paddock rides Sunday and a week or so before that.  

I'm reaching for stuff to have the aides do.  Some of them really want to just keep busy with housework chores while not actively caring for dad.   I had the gal last night wipe the spice jars and clean the years of gunk off the little plastic lazy susans we keep the spices on.    Tonight having the aide wash the bedding from downstairs that sis and her DH and their dogs used.  

After she helped me get dad changed we had him walk back to his recliner instead of messing with the lift.  He made it and was pretty happy about that,  I was too. 

I should make a Walmart run but don't feel like leaving the house

 The healthcare agency is not canceling me.  They reached out with a PH # for a dispatch health service that will send a doc or nurse out to do a home visit and are sending someone to show me how to use the lift I bought on Monday.    Everyone seems concerned that I am going to dump dad from the lift and break him and that I am not getting him needed medical attention.   

I should go to Walmart, yesterday I got just a few things at Safeway and deposited dad's checks as I did not want to be later getting home then when I had scheduled the gal to end her shift.   That worked out ok. I was home plenty early and she helped me set up the lift and move a few things downstairs to make more floor space.   I really need to force myself to do some more de-cluttering.  The downstairs living area is getting full of crap.   TSC is closed today so I will probably seize the excuse of not wanting to make a separate trip there and not go anywhere today. 

Today I am off to buy a used Hoyer lift for dad from a CL ad

 He is suddenly too weak to even get himself out of his chair.   Crazy, just a week ago I bullied him into going to the neighbors to get his hair cut so he'd get some sun and he was resistant about going anywhere but he was able to walk to the garage and get in the car and then back thru the house after his haircut and visit.  

 Hopefully the lift works out, I have a bit of trepidation that it is going to be very hard to even get a sling under him in his chair.  But if he can't keep using his comfy chair to sleep in then being at home would hardly be nicer than being in a nursing home which he doesn't want to do.   I for sure don't want him stuck in a yucky hospital waiting to get into a nursing home.  The NH would have social activities and folks his age to talk to to offset not being at home but a hospital would just be constant interruptions by nurses doing rounds but no real company I think.  

The health care agency is probably going to cancel me.  I've hardly used them and I think they have a clause about not dealing with people who can't get around at all.  But hopefully the gal coming today will be willing to at least catch up on some of the house cleaning that has gotten away from me.  

I took a short ride on Tanza today, just in the pen

 Toby was all keyed up when I got Tanza saddled so I put Toby in the house cuz I wanted a relaxed ride.  I kept it short and sweet, I haven't been on a horse in weeks.   Tanza was very good.   I cantered him a bit each direction and was not just smiling but was giggling with joy. 

Yesterday dad was unable to make it to the bathroom when I asked him to 'get cleaned up' before having supper.  I ordered a handicap commode with same day delivery, at least getting some value from my Amazon prime membership this morning and it was a blessing that it arrived today.    Dad wanted to try crutches so I found them.  Just as I suspected they didn't work out well.  They might be better support for walking long distances but he isn't strong enough to get standing and using them.

I also ordered a wheelchair that is supposed to deliver tomorrow and called the home health care place to have someone come out Saturday.   Tonight I ended up moving the cheap hospital bed up to the portable commode so dad could just lay on it to get cleaned up after toileting.   I need to hire a full time live in aide or give up and put dad in a nursing home.  I've been punting on getting anyone in, partly thinking dad isn't even going to live that long but that is stupid, some people live for years in a bed ridden state, but now that he is so weak I just need to get a lot more help or put him someplace that is designed and staffed for dealing with someone who can't get up on their own.   

I was feeling like I've been voted off the island yesterday and today because I didn't get a text about the neighborhood ladies meeting that I think is 1st thursday of each month but its a good thing I didn't go, with dad needing to use the commode shortly after I would have left.  

I must call the tax gal tomorrow.  I took care of the RMD distribution dad/I had forgotten and emailed the PDF from that transaction to her and have not  had a reply.    Yesterday work was crazy.  Clocks were out and the three of us that know a bit about their processing all spent hours before we figured out the cause and the solution to get them working again, and that was after a new data flow was turned on that morning and I and my supervisor were scrambling to get our scripts working.  Little things like lower case to capital letters in the naming regex  from the sample to official data flow had to be fixed. 

Monday Madness

 Must try to get dad signed up for T Rowe online.   Ugh,  their mailer with "use this app" doesn't include any of his account info.  I'll have to dig up an older statement from them.  

I MUST ask neighbors for lawyer recommendations to get a basic POA.   There are tons of online "Sign up with this legal service and get a POA form free" on the web but I need to just have a professional do it, but I've been punting on this for too long and need to get it handled ASAP.  

I don't know if I'll ever get my ducks in a row to get the BAT to a trailer place to get it inspected and see if the horse part is road worthy with a bit of fixing and don't know if I'll ever get my ducks in a row to get regular help and start at least hauling out for day rides. 

Supposedly huge push to be ready for new mission but my supervisor hasn't done her bit on the data ingest side and I'm really tired of feeling like I have to do every last thing.   Thursday night and Friday we were almost in each others way and she said she'd work on that stuff Friday or on weekend since she was on ops but no emails or slack messages that anything has been done.   I'm trying to be understanding that she is dealing with her aging dad in Mexico and has to attend hours of meetings and make slides for said meetings.  But I don't want to be the lone ranger who has to get every new mission going, even handling the tasks that she traditionally has done.  It is NOT MY fault that they haven't hired and retained a software person to do the basic web maintenance and so on so she has to do those tasks.   

I need to go get some sunshine

I have a list of indoor tasks, but they'll wait for a bit.  Even if I only groom Tanza I want to hang out with him for a bit.   

Sunday p.s.  I was moving slow and by the time I was ready to go outside dad was stirring so I dealt with the wet chux and got the zinc ointment on him.  He has a couple of spots that look like angry red rash but it was his choice to skip me washing him and applying the zinc most days for a couple of weeks.    By that time it was time for the horses' noon hay so I just gave them their hay and then used the shedding blade on Tanza, Lady and CJ.  

Spring has sprung and now that it is thawed I need to clean out Sadie and Razz's pen.  I need to blast the neighborhood text and see if anyone wants some horse manure for planting beds.  I sorted through dad's last years tax return.   He/I may have failed to take his mandatory 2022 withdrawal from his IRA and will have a tax penalty.    They didn't itemize, the property taxes for ND come out as expenses for that rental income, so the Fed return is not terribly complicated.  But I will keep the HR block appointment for the ND and CO state tax forms, it is a PITA dealing with state returns with income from different states. 

S texted at 12:30, would dad want to get his haircut at 1 pm and inside or in the sun.  He was feeling blah and didn't want to do anything but I thought the company and sun would do him good.  I pushed back to 1:30  and bullied him into getting dressed and going over there.  It was about 3:30 when we got home I said "that wasn't so bad was it" and he did agree, no it wasn't so bad.   I was sleepy at that point and just sat and read the big blog for a bit before feeding the horses,  I did drag the wheelbarrow into the mini's pen and filled it.  

Made dad eggs and bacon for supper and I ate the getting old left-over ribs from 2 weeks ago.   Sis and B are right, it is NOT great BBQ, but it is decent when its fresh and is a reasonable price for these days.  

A bit before 2:30 am this morning I heard Toby's toenails on the floor and then heard dad's walker so I got up.  Dad had dumped himself out of the lifting recliner; he said he'd tripped on the blankets next to it but I know the recliner was not in that lifted position when I went to bed.   Perhaps its a good sign that mentally he did at least want to use a little white lie and cover up that he didn't realize he was pressing the wrong button to recline before it was too late.   I wrestled him onto the lifting chair,  what a godsend that gizmo is.  Then dad was too weak to stand up and I had to tug him on the chair over to the recliner so he could just slide onto the recliner.   Thank heavens for all the planking and sit-ups I did to improve my riding; even so my back was whinging a wee bit last night and is now twinging again, I'll have to apply more arnica and take another ibuprofen, but its just a bit of over straining the muscles, does not feel like any real damage.