Ah co-workers

We have a pretty good group, but still it feels like if I want somebody else to do something I have to take them by the hand and guide them through it the first 2 or 3 times.  Then there's the science team and their Software Engineer who are horrible about communicating when they make critical changes to tools that need a special flag to be implemented or don't want to share their new tools at all.   

I'm painting the whole groups and that aint fair.  The person who is supposed to be taking over routine processing from me and learning to do simple debugging for when I'm gone is useless until we walk through things and she writes her documentation.   No concept of using history and trying to work things out on her own first to more deeply learn things.   But she is a good team player and does some of the PITA special archiving with the funding agency and so on.     One scientist is great to work with.  Another young scientist is very helpful but I don't speak his coding language very well and that makes things harder.  

The biggest issue is we should have 1.5 more software engineers but they've had two on trial that my boss decided were not worth the management headaches.  What I heard was one needed a lot of in person meetings and it just didn't work when the germaphobe management was severely limiting working in office for two freaking years.   The other I guess did not want to do the grunt work for ops monitoring and similar and felt like we were just old and dumb because of old legacy setups.  We DO have a lot of old legacy stuff that should be modernized but we have to keep that working in the meantime and understanding what it does to know all the functionality that has to be created with newer languages is needed IMO.   Plus another assoc. scientist.    

I guess they are interviewing for at least one of the positions.  Hopefully they get two hires who can quickly get spun up and be a help.   The orbit scientist hire a couple years ago did work out very well.  I hope they are keeping him happy, we'd have a huge staff shortage if he left.  Our lead IT person is moving to France.  Scary,  but he is going to keep working for us remotely at least for now.  The other IT person seems quite good AFAICT being pretty helpless with IT myself, but I think he'd be over his head trying to do the work of two people while finding a new IT person if the lead guy quits.    I hope I am under-estimating our management,  I don't trust them to not be pinching the budget and creating burnout with the core folks who get things done by not bringing in more staff; of course it is always extra work to do the hiring process and train folks, but they need to commit to that; they keep taking on new missions to be processed. 

Ah family

I'm very grateful that the sibs and I get along.   Bro came on short notice to visit dad in Nov when I didn't know if dad's health would keep declining.  Sis is here and juggling things as B's dad in western Colorado is dying, probably within a week or two.  They spent a couple days visiting him and then came back here.

But I had the foolish expectation that both would be bored and restless and asking what can they do to help me out and the reality has been having to be a bit of a hostess on top of the rest of things.  Tis my fault for having foolish expectations.  Bro got sick.   Sis is wore out and having someone else take care of basics and being able to relax she has been dozing and reading and just coming to grips with Dad's condition mostly.   The dementia is hard.  Dad was always so capable with gun-smithing, mechanical issues, just knowing how things worked in general.  

p.s.   B's dad died a couple days after they had visited.   B and sis thought it had been agreed that B would get his dad's gun case, an air compressor and a tiller and B would make a trip from ND to fetch those things after his dad died (B and sis also thought that probably wouldn't happen for another week or three)  

The step wife's family said they needed the tiller and air compressor and B got depressive and went "its too expensive to go there just for the gun case."  More stress for sis and I.      A lot of times I think "sheesh, why didn't I try to get  a husband, the male strength and general better mechanical aptitude would be so handy to have"  But I have not wanted to deal with neediness.   When I was on a dating personality web site years ago, some of the guys interested in me were a total turn off w/o ever meeting them because they wanted a fishing, ball-game, etc buddy and I was like "nope nope nope,  I want a guy that has guy buddies for fishing and stuff and will be fine with me being busy working or going off to rides"     I am a bit envious of gals who have husbands who come to rides and crew for them, but not sure I'd want a partner getting emotionally invested in my and horses performance.   I sometimes struggle with race brain as it is.  

Dad is weak from his virus

 Some weakness is typical with a virus but since he is so weak to begin with with the virus hitting he can't get out of his recliner.  This morning shortly after 4 am I heard him trying to get up.  He couldn't even get himself moved forward which he does before getting up and was not helping me even get the gait belt low enough and snug enough to do any good.   My back had already been spasming in the middle of the night, I think I forgot to put on arnica when I went to bed last night.

  I moved the electric bed over so dad could belly flop onto it, then I could have got his legs on the bed and rolled him over and got the bed high enough to make standing fairly easy, but he was too confused to understand and/or too weak to even do that and he just went back to sleep in the chair.   I offered to call Paul to come over before he left for work, dad said no, don't bother.   If sis and B were not coming back late this afternoon I might have just called 911, I get so tired of this shit.   I cannot shift him when he is in the big recliner and if he would get so bad he needs rolled over and diaper changes like a baby there is no way that can be done in that chair.   

p.s.   Dad got up on his own later to use the bathroom and change to the lifting recliner for the day.   He slept all day except using the bathroom again and shifting to his big soft recliner.   I had to shake him awake to take his pills.   I considered just skipping the pills but I wanted him to get the 12 hour mucinex in him.   He didn't eat anything all day after his early morning pop tarts. 

He woke up today on his own long enough to take pills and have his tea and pop tarts.  I think I need to get him to  take his dentures out and clean them and use some mouthwash.   

Come on coffee, jolt me into fully awake and ready to tackle the never ending do list

 Sis and B, bless their hearts "we can sleep in dad's room"  I'm sure they think that is very helpful but now I have to make up that bed and try to do more cleaning then just in the gun room so it won't be unbearably stinky down there and I don't even know where the smell is coming from.  If I could just deal with a mouse nest and dead mice I could suck it up and get that done, but trying to find the problem spot could take hours or there may not be just one spot.   Yech.  

Started vacuuming.  Got the stairs done and a bit in the gun room.   I never got all the piss out of dads mattress and boxspring.   Maybe I can just tape some heavy plastic over the spots.   Maybe I'll send B to buy new if any stores have then in stock.  I remember in 2020 my friend B had to buy an air mattress so she had something to sleep on until the furniture got the mattress she ordered in and the one appliance place still has a spiel about having to order and wait for appliances last time I heard one of their commercials.    OK.  Big Lots has a few mattresses in stock.   I suppose I could get a new mattress and box spring and move the queen bed frame to the guest room in a few weeks.   

Well I never did super clean dads old room downstairs but sis and B said it smelled fine and slept there.  They have gone to Hotchkiss to see his dad for a day.

Dad, bless his heart has a cold or flu.  Runny nose, post nasal drip that gave him a nasty sore throat last night.   B and sis were wavering on her going to Hotchkiss as well and she asked dad if she needed to just stay here.  "well I'm pretty sick, but you can go."    I am not nearly concerned that he is at deaths door as I was earlier in the year.  But I do have a really bad record with knowing how sick someone else is.  I am giving him ivermectin again, trying the prevent him from getting really really sick.  

Done with Dad Dr appointments for a while, unless I talk to the retina specialist and they might do actual treatments

 I looked up on google while waiting on the regular doc and there are some treatments for diabetic retinopathy.  I don't *think* dad would want to get injections in his eyes but I can ask if he would if they would recommend that.    We were supposed to go there yesterday but dad said he would cancel.  Of course that meant I had to call and cancel.    I'm fairly sure they were only monitoring before, I think I would have had to drive if Dad had been getting injections in his eye(s) back when he was still going to them periodically and managing all his doctor visits and so on himself. 

I booked a dental visit for myself on Apr 20th,  have horse dentist on Apr 12 and shoer on Apr 13.  Called a trailer place and they said I could just bring the trailer in for an inspection, don't need to make an appointment.  So I will try to do that this Monday when sis is hopefully here.   I keep thinking B is going to be overwhelmed and she will have to go to his dad's for at least a couple days but we shall see.   I need to call my chiropractor, apologize for spacing the appointment a couple months ago and get back on schedule, my back was whinging at me last night without doing anything that should have strained it.   The forecast for tomorrow and next saturday is not very nice so I decided I will wait to start having someone come every saturday until April 1st.   I need to stop punting on that, even if I don't go trailer out to ride it will be nice to have someone cleaning while I run to town to shop and then do outside stuff at home and its probably good for dad to interact with someone besides me regularly.   I don't want to start another pity party but I wish I didn't feel like the folks I rode with often in 2020 and 2021 don't want me around anymore.  Oh well, things will shake out eventually.  

Warm today, I should try to do stuff outside

 Not sure how much I will manage though.   I hardly slept thursday night and am still dragging today.  90% my fault for not making it a point to take a shower and get my hair washed.  My scalp was itchy, finally I got up in the middle of a night and showered and washed my hair.   Having left it so long, the scalp was still a bit irritated from having to massage it so much with the shampoo and baking soda.   10% was dad had announced he would take a shower in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep.   I figured I needed to help him dry off and mind the shower curtain.   

He did take a shower, I must have dozed off at that time.  I heard his walker and went down about 5:15 and he was finished showering and back in his chair.   Good thing I did go down as he had only turned the shower dial off, not the water at the faucet and the shower mat and floor around was quite wet.  But he had not flooded the whole bathroom.    My very redneck fix of putting the shower stool on the risers I had bought for the electric bed which were not needed at all works pretty good; along with the safety bar I finally got installed with the wing-its.  

 Thank goodness I had went looking on youtube and found the 'Jane can drill' video that said "just toss their hardware that has to go into a wall stud and buy some wing-its."   I had started out looking for tips on how to find the studs but first video the guy already knew where the studs were and acted like its easy to locate them which certainly was not my experience.   I used the stud finder and drilled where it beeped and only hit air behind the drywall.   Second video was the gal that posts the "Jane can drill" videos.  The safety bars do say in fine print "wing-its compatible" but in the directions they say that using any kind of anchor instead of screwing into a stud is discouraged.    Well the way the screw holes are oriented one would have to be creative and careful to get two screws per side into a stud.  Stupid lawyered up nation.  

The grab bar folks surely know that most people will have a hard time hitting wall studs,  and it's just CYA legalese to say that is how to install them, and then just have "wing-its compatible" on the packaging but not recommend using them for applications where its going to be too hard to attach to a wall stud. 

I need to text sis and let her know that Dad has his new hearing aids and she can text me when she has time to phone visit.   I don't know if she'll even want to, since she is coming down next Sunday.  I'm trying to avoid evil envy but I wish I had a phone or in person buddy that I could talk with regularly.   I should have, maybe I still should, try to find a DH, married couples have each other to talk to.  

PM update.   I got the hay spear on the tractor.  Fiddly.  P makes it look super easy but it always takes me a long time to get things aligned correctly.  Beer break before I go out to scrape muck away from the hay feeders.   Got a hay bale down.  looks like it is as stemmy as the last bale so Sadie and Razz will get most of it.    I feel like the hay seller gypped me, and slipped in some crap bales with the few nice ones.  Can't do anything about it though. 

I'm so tired and scattered today

 Not really very physically tired but a bit.   Feel like I'm being pulled in multiple directions at work, and then there is the caregiver role.  Dad, bless him, has been a bit more independent lately so that is nice, but I still have to keep track of his appointments and drive him to them.

Willie being out at work is leaving a pretty big hole.   No one in the group is dead weight and we were spread thin already.   All I can do there is keep praying for healing for him.  Aside from the 'yikes, even more tasks for me to do' bit, Willie is such a nice guy and I dearly miss his cheerful voice and positive attitude on the google meetings.  

Cold and damp today

Only supposed to get a dusting of snow though.   The farmers need a nice wet foot of snowfall and or some decent regular rains later this spring.   But doesn't seem like we will get what we need.  Hopefully I'm wrong on that.  

My farrier has his wife do the scheduling.  I'm often forgetting to book very early.  She texted me tonight, so sweet, I felt like a guardian angel was looking out for me.   

I called the dentist office yesterday that I took dad to.  I think I'm goin got have to call them again.  Perhaps they don't want to deal with me after I misunderstood what Dad wanted, but I'd like to give them the chance at my business after taking an hour of their time on my mis-understanding of what dad was saying.    Why do people always just HINT?   I guess dad wants me not to cook food that will have long shreds like country ribs and he was just in dementia mode asking me if we were going to the dentist office since he doesn't want to replace his dentures; I don't know why else he would need to see them but he did get a quick mouth cancer check last week.   

Work-wise.      Dumpster fire floating down a flooded street.   IT:  "We don't let folks have xsessions even into the DEV leo system, it will take a CCB approval to change that" .   Well,  no wonder its so hard to get anywhere trying to debug anything and no wonder the autist spectrum SE insists on having "sand-box" systems so he can do development.    Mind, the ops group prefers him having separate sand boxes as well cuz he is terrible about not following our basic rules for software management.  But how frustrating to have DEV systems locked down so tightly I can't get some decent help trying to debug the crappy POD solutions. 

Winter is finally relenting, took a quick ride on Tanza today

 It was breezy, but with long johns, jacket and headband I didn't get cold.   I kept the ride short cuz easing us back into riding.   I still have some light and should have hopped on Sadie too, that would make me feel better about not getting the tractor to clean pens or get a hay bale down today but the wind is picking up.

   I mopped the floors today,  I'm trying to keep up mopping them weekly.   I just spray with soapy water and bleach and use the dust mop or disposable swifter pad so the floors are not super clean but better than I used to manage when I was annoyed that dad had stopped doing them and I didn't even get them swept weekly.   I need to vacuum the carpet today.  It is pretty gross.  

I don't know why it is so hard to get myself headed to town for a bit of shopping

 I enjoy Tractor Supply and I need some horse feed.   I don't love Wallys, but I don't feel stressed in the store or anything.  I do often tend to feel like I've spent over much time and need to wrap it up quickly and get out of there when I'm about 80-90 percent done.   But I sure have a mental block on getting dressed and driving in to town and some weekends I go "oh I don't really NEED anything yet and punt on going at all"  I don't guess I absolutely need anything today but I want to replenish some things.   Usually if I do some reflection I can figure out why I don't want to do something and give myself a pep or cowboy up talk and gitRdone.  Guess I just need to cowboy up w/o knowing what the block is.  It is cold and windy today so I'm not feeling like oh no, I don't want to shop cuz I might ride. 

Did get my shopping done,  had a rice crispy treat when I got home.   I wasn't very hungry, asked dad if he wanted anything special for supper and he requested fried eggs and bacon.   So I dug out the little teflon pan from the box in the garage where a few items from dad's camper were still just sitting.  It worked like a charm for frying eggs.  I just microwaved some of my bacon I'd baked up a week ago for him and fried him a couple of eggs, little pan is 2 egg sized, and got him 1 slice of barely toasted toast with butter; then made him another fried egg over easy when he said he could go for a 3rd egg and I did an IF day.  Makes up for all my extra eating on thursday. 

Oh, I hadn't documented thursday's fun.   Twice running dad to appointments he had asked me "we are going to the dentist?" and he said he couldn't chew the country ribs I made so I thought he wanted to see a dentist and accepted a same day appointment for them to do a consultation on new dentures are refurbishing his.    Well dad does not want to mess with new dentures, remembers vividly the period of discomfort getting used to them, and doesn't want to send his old pair out to get refurbished either.  So I feel kind of bad for wasting the dentists time but its not the end of the world.   I must call Monday and make an appointment there for myself.  If they take Cigna insurance I'll use them and then not feel so bad about my mis-understanding with dad.   

It is warmer today but getting breezy now.  I think if I put on long johns it will not feel bad to ride so I think I'll ride Sadie.  I might catch Tanza afterwards and just groom him while he eats some food since I've been catching Lady instead of him for extra food all week.   Lady got skinny on me and needs extra groceries.  I  don't want to mess with it until I take down the fence section where part of it is on the ground after a post busted, plus the ground has thawed out (takes forever where I feed because north side of house and southern retaining wall)  but I will probably put just her and Tanza together in the smaller pen where I currently have Razz and Sadie so Lady can have extra food and Tanza can stay in practice of having to be haltered to eat in a few weeks.  

p.s.   I can not reach that dentist office now.  I will try once or twice more and then will have to just try someplace else.   I can't make up for my mistake with dad if they won't pick up the phone for me.

Dad got dressed already for his appointment

 It makes me feel pressured to get going, but NO, I don't want to sit in the car for over an hour.   We can hit a drive through to get some lunch but I still don't want to be taking off 2.5 hours before the actual appointment.  Some slack time to find the office and figure out getting dad out of car and then parking in a non-handicap spot since he never did apply for a handicap placard but this outfit seems paranoid about covid or germs in general,  I didn't catch exactly what the admin meant but she said something about no staying in the waiting room ?  WTAF that means I don't know.   You'd think they'd still want folks to be a couple minutes early so as not to waste the doctors time and could pay a janitor to wipe down surfaces periodically but whatever floats their boat; I'm just going through the motions on this retinal specialist appointment.  Possibly they can recommend laser surgery for burst blood vessels the reg optometrist pointed out or something but I think they probably just tell patients to be careful to control blood sugar and blood pressure.  

But enough whinging.  Over quick to get dressed is much better than refusing to get out of the chair like dad did with the early Feb regular doc appointment when he was feeling sick. 

Aaaand I am a big WEENIE, it was snowing at 11:45 when I fed the horses and I was worried about my car's bald tires, put it to dad and he said maybe best to just go another day so I canceled the appointment. And the snow quit in 30 minutes and its just been yucky cold and gray but driving would not have been a problem.    If I hadn't been feeling chilled and blah I could have got his car's tire aired up and just told him we were taking it.   Oh well,  no big deal in the grand scheme of things.  I should 'be better' but that is true for most things I'm doing lately.