Argh, two steps backwards

Form letter from state today.  They destroyed my check for my ticket because it didn't match the amount the officer had for the total.  It was really stupid of me to just send in the check without at least adding a note  stating that the subtotal amounts only added up to 103 so I was not paying 108 without an explanation.   So to get it behind me today I just paid it online, which included a 3% handling fee on top of the mystery $5 overcharge vs subtotal amounts.   GAAH.  Oh well,  $5 or $8 is only a tiny tiny spec in my budget, it was just the principle of the thing.  But I didn't think to photocopy the damn ticket before including it when I sent the check so I could hardly dispute things now.  Maybe I had messed up my math in spite of double checking it, I can repeat a mistake multiple times; or officer horrible penmanships 70 to my eyes was 75 or some darn thing.   

I had a nice ride on Tanza yesterday.  Short but nice.  I should have gotten my saddle cleaned, but at least I have finished up the panels.   I should probably do a test ride on Razz to make sure the velcro all holds up and all.  I made chili with another bison chuck roast last night.   It tasted fine but I can't eat chili at night.  I don't think its too spicy and I have been rinsing the beans thoroughly after soaking them for many hours so it shouldn't be overly gas inducing but I had to take a gasX pill last night in the middle of the night.  I decided I only felt bloated and not like too much acid.  I need to buy more of the Maalox + with the gas reducer.   Still I am thinking I may not want to make too much chili.  I probably need to take a break from trying to use the roasts and just do steaks and burger for a few weeks. 

I put up 3 3-ring binder spines in garage Saturday.  Project was not going smoothly.  The driver kept stripping the screwheads so I had to just put them all in by hand.  I was drilling pilot holes but it still wasn't working for me.  I didn't do any practicing with the rifle and new scope for the hog hunt in March.  Its a ways off yet, but I need a lot of practice and I might get ride invites later.   But snails pace decluttering is still de-cluttering so I need to not go all angsty about this.  

grief counseling at work

I guess it is a nice thing for companies or schools to bring in counselors for folks to talk to when an employee or student dies suddenly.   I just don't think I'd want to lower my guard AT work and wouldn't ever go to one in that setting.  Share the shock and sadness with colleagues over coffee and if I still felt gut punched I think I'd spend the dough to see someone privately.

I need to find a system of mini goals to reach early in the day and tracking progress on bigger projects to get myself out of my slump at work.  It is not good and even on mornings where I think "I will do x and y at work and it will be good" I get there and just stall out.   Not acceptable and I know it.

Finally got Sadies hoof supplement ordered last night.  I don't know what my block was on ordering more.  Sometimes its just laziness I guess.  I have been pecking at getting my OF saddle fixed up so offer for sale.  Sewing and gluing velcro on my panels so replace the old screws that attached them to the saddle tree and seat.   Its proving a bigger longer project than I had planned on it being; typical, I always think I can whip some project out in a just 2-3 hours and it ends up taking several hours and going on over many days if I don't complete it on a weekend.

I need some OMMM, OMMMM,  having the tidier rooms, trailer tack compartments  and tack area where I can find things more easily because they are not buried under junk I never use will make life more relaxed this summer.   And it is OK to not be in riding mode yet.   Tanza runs around and keeps his muscles loose almost every morning :P

Gave myself a mini treat today

Stopped for CFA on way to work since I was getting a late start.   I can afford to do this at least a couple times a month if not weekly.   Daily would start to pinch the calorie,time and money budgets but I don't have to eat frozen entrees or leftovers brought from home every single day even if I am trying to help bro and start saving a bit for vehicle fund since car is getting quite long in the tooth and pickup is up there too and replacing pickup is $$ enough that I need to be budgeting to do it for a good while or I'll have to drain the emergency fund.  

I still need to do some tasks at work I meant to start back on Friday.  I must be the most contrary personality.   A week ago I was feeling like I'm not being included in the decisions loop and now, as I am being asked to chime in on or participate in some updates I'm feeling rather "leave me alone"   So silly, but its not like I thought I was immune to crass parts of human nature.

Tanza found green grass next to the minis pen this morning.   He let me put a leadrope around his neck and put him away rather than running around.  I used the collar to get Toby to clear the gate so Tanza would not be all angsty about going in with dog right there and constrained by me.  Sometimes he grumps but I do love that redhead horse.  So pretty in motion and such a smart boy.

Dragging my feet

I need to send a card and check to bro and his wife.  And I'm just not doing it.  I will, but I guess I have some old resentment making me feel a bit like "I dont wanna"  Well I will not beggar myself in anyway, nor send them the full amount of her copays probably any month and will suggest they ask her church to let them do a pancake breakfast or two to raise some extra dough on their own.  Bro has been good to me, I have some resentment of M because she didn't come to mom's memorial 5 years ago -excuse of flying is too hard on her back but then she jetted to Japan a couple months later when her son started a ministry school there, which he then got literally sick from being so homesick within several weeks and had to come home and just finish the semester on-line.  But she is a decent person and adores bro and he adores her and would completely beggar himself to pay for her chemo.  Probably he already has, but hopefully not to point of getting savaged by taking funds out of any retirement accts.

And I'm not jumping into work tasks either.  I kind of hope there is a gub'mint shutdown that is not resolved in just a few short days and I'd have an excuse to take extra PTO, although it would kind of stupid to use up very much in winter and not even be visiting relatives.   I don't know whats up with the work doldrums.  I was feeling pretty good about job and getting things done lately but just dragging this week and feeling like some co-workers are avoiding letting me know their/groups plans.  I don't think they have some plot to shove me out in the next few months because there is a lot going on; but I don't know why they would think they have to make sure I am unaware of any outside plans they have.  I'm not 21st century, cloud computing savvy enough to help advance any cutting edge plans but I wouldn't sabotage them.

But I will abide, I will send bro and wife a check and a pep-talk/nag "have you tried this and this and this to raise funds" letter;  I will finish up some work stuff and set the computer to doing some work on its own over the weekend, contact the MRER peeps about table at convention and donating to special raffle and email the IRA person at the bank to make a catch up contribution for 2017.  At least I have the auto-deductions set up now so it will just go out so much every month and it will be gone before I can feel like I need to spend it on something else.  Hopefully my car keeps plugging along and the p/u especially stays mechanically sound for me, I think I'm not going to end up not being able to save much for new vehicle for the next year.

My traffic fine is in the mailbox

Hope it makes it to the right place.  Very unsettling to have an address which is only Dept. A plus city and zip code (that did not even have that extra 4 digit extension.)   Oh well, thats how they said to mail it so I guess the USPS is used to seeing those.

I feel so behind on the take stuff to recycle at work part of de-cluttering.  Its not really low this week, it just seems off because I was not able to fetch stuff from car yesterday so I only added a bit of stuff to the trunk this morning and still have a lot of that lot sitting in the car.   But I will distribute it later and it will be fine.

Got a text reply sent to M.   Offered to help with her chemo co-pay if needed.  Ommmm,  Ommmmm,  I will not let myself feel like sibs view me as an ATM.   They've both been there for me when I had vehicle problems, to support my riding and so on and only ask(ed) when they were/are quite pinched.   I *can* help them out thanks to the cushy almost a gub'mint worker job that I have and my frugal nature and as long as I'm not grounding my ability to go to rides or do the IRA it is fine to buy a half share in a skid steer or help out  some with medical bills.   They don't like to ask, so they aren't going to be ask for too much.  

 M hinted they would like to move back here (presumably after she finishes chemo, cuz I think she is on medicaid in Cali and would lose coverage at least for a bit with a move.)   I would actually like to have E back in the area,  the idea of settling dad's estate terrifies me, I am that bad with that sort of official paperwork.   So more incentive for me to keep pecking away at the clutter, so they could stay with us for a few months while looking for place far enough east or south to be affordable and there would be room for their stuff.    And if they end up staying in sunny California then I'd have the rooms and extra closet space to think about getting a housemate to help out with housework and yard chores so its all good.  Except there is not space for S and his new bride to be to move in as well.  They'd have to be pushed out of the nest back to her parents or to get jobs and an apartment of their own about right away either back in Cali or here in this state.

At least its a short week

Or perhaps I should absolutely not say this,  it is a short week so I only have 4 days to get things done at work and on Friday my farrier is coming.   Since he is coming on Friday I'm tempted to come extra late to work on Thursday so I can get a morning ride in.  Plus its supposed to be cold and snowy on Saturday.

I got my saddle carrier sewing project done yesterday.  Now I think I should wash the thing and I also think I should put a bit of shoe goop on the edges to prevent raveling.  It is a bit OCD that I feel the need to get this thing so improved to offer it for sale at a great discount price.  Oh well, I yam what I yam.   I have lots and lots of yummy candy left after the work potluck.  I will probably leave some out tomorrow to be nice to folks but I need to have chocolate for the rest of the week so no one in the office has to face me w/o any sweetening.

I'm fairly sure I left my key card in my lightweight coat.  It is not in my purse, luckily one of the post-docs was coming in when I got to work so I didn't need it, but now I can't haul the extra bags of stuff in my car trunk to the recycling bins until tomorrow.

Ed's wife sent me a long text on Sunday.  I didn't see it until today and am unsure how to respond, it was a bit rambling.  I'll come up with something.   A sweet internet friend lost her daughter yesterday "to bipolar"  I think that is code for suicide.   I was just joining an internet BB years a dozen or so years ago right after her son had committed suicide.    She is filled with faith that God forgives them and she will see them in heaven.  And she is likely correct; if they fought the inner demons as long as possible god won't hold an action that was a result of mental illness against them.

   But after losing Pete from the endurance community a couple months ago 2.5 years after K took his life, I am furious at selfish twats who just opt out, not only for the pain they directly caused to their family and friends but for putting the idea in the heads of surviving members of the family or group that you won't be cussed and raged at, but only eulogized for taking that selfish action when you are hurting at some point.   Polite society will not rage to hurting survivors who are clinging to the idea of grace and need to forgive their dead loved one to let themselves heal. But while we try to "judge not, lest ye be judged"  we are angry, especially at the initial selfish twats who have ended up causing a 2nd cascade of grief.   But I need to really live that judge not command.  I was not living whatever mental and or physical anguish any of these folks were in, only God can judge them.

The shed has its new roof already

P works FAST.   He got it done in just one day, with time out to see if our little tractor would lift a propane tank he was selling and then finished up before the buyers showed up after that was a go.  I just put the water-seal coated blankets back on the fence rail rather than tossed them.  I may put them on the one horse shed.  Need to fix its tin roof.  I have Lady in there.  I had pulled horses out of there because I wasn't sure it was safe but one morning when I was feeding Tanza Lady and CJ both ran out the gate when I was trying to get Tanza in and they all 3 went in that back corral.   Lady was running off when I went to catch her and I decided she can just stay there then.  It makes feeding Tanza his extra feed easier.

I got the last of the Christmas stuff packed up and Dad helped me get all the boxes back in the attic and even remembered to go fetch mouse poison to set out up there.   I did a little de-cluttering in the garage and big thing - I asked P when he was working on our roof if his church does group 'garage' sales.  I will ask our other neighbor about her church also.   I don't need more shelf space in the shed right away and it would be ever so much easier to just take all the items to a church parking lot vs getting pictures and setting up delivery and all that jazz to sell things on FB or craigslist.  It is still annoying that the Dems to *protect* people passed the consumer protection rules that even 2nd hand shops can't sell things w/o proving they are free of lead or other junk that some Chinese toys had had.   Of course it is 100% in line with the Dems philosophy to make folks sign up for charity toy drives rather than have an easy budget option to buy 2nd hand toys themselves.

I think I will stop saving the cat litter jugs for now and just take them to recycle.  I don't want to make myself too much of a slave to baby trees that need extra watering, nor exchange mom's oleo and yogurt containers that were not going to be re-used for jugs that wont get re-used either in that shed.  I have several big jugs that I can set out for slow watering, and can save more as we use litter if I use all the saved ones for watering.

I did a search for how to deconstruct the 3 ring binders and tried the drilling out the rivets Saturday evening.  That works pretty well so I can remove all the metal rings and backing plates.  I will use some for hanging pot holders and such and if it is not too hard to install will put some in my horse trailer tack areas.  

Sunday I rode Tanza,  wow I love how doing the planking, and the leg squats makes it so much easier to feel secure in the saddle and to mount.   Tanza was pretty good,  he did do a deer jump a couple of time and I had to do the bend a whoa's to remind him that is not acceptable.  But overall he was not too nervous, nor obnoxious about wanting to race to get home right away.