He always sleeps a lot but normally up to a week ago he would get up in sometime in the morning hours and often use the commode, maybe just want dry depends, then into the recliner, have his pills and juice and then tea and pop tarts, maybe turn the TV on and probably doze off while watching his westerns. Today around 11:30 am he was awake, not wanting to get up but I bullied him into sitting up and taking his pills with a glass of juice and put clean depends on him.
This not even wanting to have juice or tea all day makes me think he is fading off this mortal coil. I've been kind of expecting it for a year now but I'm still not mentally or emotionally ready. I suppose one never is really ready for the death of a close family member. And he might bounce back to his normal in a few days. He was tired and chilled Wed night after the ER visit but was close to his normal yesterday. So I suppose if he was able to get fluids and whatever else they gave him there he would do better; but I don't think he wants to be in a hospital and I've had zero luck trying to arrange any home medical visits. I guess I didn't try super hard; but it seemed to be "you are in a dead zone between services offered from Fort Collins area or from Denver." when I was trying to get on with a home doctor visits service.
Sis is coming on Monday for a brief visit, returning to ND on Friday. Maybe she will better know how to find out about getting him services. Or maybe we can both come to peace with letting him fade away as long as he is not asking for medical help, which he has not been. I still think that if he wants to die at home I want to accommodate that desire. But I am feeling like neighbors, health service agency, etc will be mentally dinging me for not doing more to keep him alive. If dad was expressing desire to see if docs could mend him I would honor those requests; but if he is ready to die I don't feel like it's my place to say "no, you have to go through medical treatments to prolong your life by a few weeks or months."
p.s. he woke up later, no to "are you thirsty, are you hungry" until I wrote on white board that I could use a big pillow so he could sit up in bed; then he drank some electrolytes I made up for him, a mug of tea and had a mini pie and an ensure plus.
Saturday he again stayed in bed but did eat a couple of eggs and had a drink. He barely drank anything else all day. Shortly after I had crawled into bed I heard him banging, he needed to get up to use commode and the tray was banging from him rocking his walker. By force of will I got him on the commode with him hardly able to help, barely even able to sit up; and back onto his bed and cleaned up and Desitin on the tender bits.
Today, Sunday he was sitting up when I went downstairs, with his legs on the far side of the bed. "Do you want to sit in that recliner?" "I might fit" I decided he wanted to be in his big recliner. I got him up but he couldn't navigate the corner with his walker, sat down on bed. I got the wheelchair and rolled his bed to make a bit more room and got him into chair, to recliner and into recliner. He wanted eggs for breakfast rather than pop tarts. Then he ate a rice kripsy treat and drank a decent amount of tea. The aide was not a huge amount of help but she was a steady older gal, I ran to Walmart, I felt ok that she would manage if dad woke up and needed something. Dad woke up a bit and had a protein drink and would have just dozed in chair but I insisted we were moving him to bed while aide was here, cuz I didn't want to be forced to use the Hoyer later since he hates it, but I wouldn't have wanted to just leave him in chair overnight and his morning strength was gone. Dad didn't help much but M was able to help me get him into the wheelchair and then into his bed and changed into dry Depends.
I am feeling tired and run down. I hope sis is not too road weary when she gets here and can be a real help for a few days.
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