Yikes I was a crab ass today

 I feel badly because the aide is a nice girl.  Well I didn't yell at her,  I was just crabby.  It feels like all of the aides go out of their way to pester me sometimes and to completely miss how I like things done for the housework.   And with the idiot rule that they cannot apply medicated ointment *I* still have to be there to put the telfa pad on his back where he has a pressure or some kind of sore, and most of them think they can't even put on desitin.   Such a pain in the ass.   Mostly I was just so tired of dad and really wishing I was out riding with the friends I used to think I had.  And that is the big reason I've been so crabby.  I feel like they are just "woohoo, we have a good excuse to avoid T and/or Tanza"  In fact, I feel like the one couple only ever rode with me out of friendship for B, wanting me to be a trailer ride for her for some trips so she wouldn't have to worry that her old p/u and trailer might not make it and have to sleep in a tent if she did drive up solo.  

I'm just not a good enough horsewoman for their clique and/or I am too disorganized to coordinate and let them know I'd bring meat to grill for the happy hours.  But they wouldn't just take some cash to defray their expenses even though they were going to do the shopping and packing stuff to bring every time anyway.  That was maddening,  I tried really hard to not just be a parasite, one year I made a point to buy beers I thought they liked and bring them so I wouldn't just be bringing cookies while they provided burgers or brats etc, but still they hardly drank my beer and I felt like I was not contributing enough. 

 I've always gotten tired of dad, the place and the job and felt like "I really need to go to this ride just to get away from things for a weekend" Now I feel like I can't get away.   Sis keeps saying "let me know if you have a ride and I'll come down so you can go"  But sheesh I can't get caught up and get the vehicles fixed, trailer inspected, and put any conditioning on the horse so it feels like I can't go anyway and I guess with her phrasing things that way I feel like she doesn't want to come just to let me go off and loaf.