arghh, brother in hospital

3rd hand from dad is a blocked colon.   He was constipated but just ignoring it and then went to emergency room after vomiting.  Well probably M took him in at that point.  Hopefully brother does not have a tumor.   I feel so jerked around by M with the "we need help with cancer treatment deductibles even though cancer is is remission doc recommends continued treatment" from Jan-Jun, then  "now we are good we got a grant or something to cover the treatments",   then "oh we are getting a settlement because judge ordered state to pay on the years old workman's comp case and will be able to pay you back (I had considered that help a gift)"  , then less than a month later "oh now we are reaching out to everyone we know because the cancer came back and deductible for new treatment is needed" (right after I found out they bought a new Camry this summer after bro was stupid and drove their old car after oil light came on because oil pan was damaged) that I am STILL struggling to set those feelings aside and send them any money now.

 I have felt like M will just go on a spending spree or hand a bunch of money to her layabout son and his layabout commie? gf who convinced son to go from under employed, not able to afford his own place and not paying rent to M and brother to not working at ALL so I wanted to wait until brother let me know they need $ for a specific expense to send more than the small amount I did right away.  But if brother is stressed out because of his emotionally needy wife and how to be ready for first/last rent to move and so on maybe I should at least send some $ now to reduce his stress and only hold part of what I can give him in reserve for the next thing they will need extra money for.   But it is a mental struggle for me.   They've been staying with her uncle in Chico,  they are not stuck in a tent in a Walmart lot like some of the Camp fire victims, dad sent them 5K and I sent them 500 via the on-line fund they asked me to set up and other folks collectively sent them 1K (and I don't think they reached out a lot to their circle with that fund)  and then I sent them $1150 for Xmas plus $350 to the layabout 27 yr old son and his layabout gf cuz I'm sure those two didn't have renters insurance.  

Its hard for me now to separate my feelings that I was being manipulated for $ by M this summer from the actual need they do have after this fire.  Extra prayers for divine guidance and having forgiveness in my heart on this front would be appreciated.   I also have a bit of chip for M because she didn't come to mom's memorial, nor has seen dad, sis or I in the following 6 years.  I nudged brother last year before Christmas about maybe dad and I visiting their area for some event in a nearby city (did not spell out that that would mean we'd get a hotel vs piling into their house but thought it was understood) and he put us off until his tae-kwan-do tournament in NM in Sept.  Well that worked out, dad didn't die before then and we did get in some visiting, but if M can't bring herself to be present and cordial in our company it doesn't make it easier to give them money.

 I am thinking I need to swallow my pride and share the fund link with extended family and maybe my endurance circle, as well as letting go of my "Nooooo,  I really only have a decent emergency fund right now, not extra $ to give to bro's fandamily"   I CAN build the emergency fund back up and him losing his house is a valid $ emergency, its not like dipping into the emergency fund to take a vacation.   But after convincing myself I needed to have that 4 months of expenses held in reserve it is hard to let go of it.