I told B no worries if she already had plans but I feel rejected anyway that she does not want to meet somewhere. But I have to get out, I've been so close to just throwing food to dad and walking away all week because I am just so tired of feeling like I am stuck at home. And he was pretty darned agile today. I got up at 4 to pee and he had moved from his bed to his chair and had TV on. He even got his hearing aides on his own which are not super easy to reach. I was like "NO, I am not getting him breakfast at 4 am, and went back to bed"
And struggling again with the "woe is me, nobody wants to be around me or even talk or text" I need to realize that *I* am pretty poor about staying in touch so other folks probably feel like I'm just a hermit who wants no company of any kind. But I can't stand being only a hanger on , butting into conversations at neighborhood gatherings or going to the neighbors when I hear them talking outside too often, makes me feel like a pest. I just don't know why I am so uninteresting or off-putting or whatever. I suppose to some extent I come off as aloof and uninterested. I used to cringe with dad barging in on the neighbors all the time but they all know him and ask how he is doing. Very rare for anyone to ask how I am doing.
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