Gradually at first, then all of a sudden

 I'm living that truism of how things fail right now with dad's failing health.   It has gone from gradual stuff like sleeping a lot and having balance issues over years to 'has lost so much muscle tone his grip strength is tiny, he can't get himself up if he falls and can barely heave himself out of his chair on 'good' days and I have to hand him his pills to make sure he takes them at all, and show him a couple of choices for supper to get him to eat.  And I don't even know what all prescriptions he was taking.    I think he had some system of putting all his pills in bottles in a toiletries bag; including putting some of the prescriptions in generic bottles from the current prescription bottle.   

I'm so annoyed with him for not helping me help him by communicating things, filling the pill organizer I bought him and explaining what he takes and so on.  And he has a horrible diaper rash.  I don't know how he ignored that, as red as the skin is it has to be very uncomfortable.   I probably should have called 911 yesterday when he fell instead of just texting Paul to help get him up.    I think a big part of the not communicating with me is fear of being tucked out of sight in a nursing home and dying amongst strangers w/o even having his dog there.  But this recalcitrance to tell me what he needs, or go to his doc, and see if a medication adjustment would have helped so I can help him stay at home is making me so frustrated that I'm about ready to just call 911, then not even visit him in hospital and just tell them he can't come home until they get him mobile enough to get to bathroom and help him hire a home health aide. 

Tired, but want to get in a ride today

 First world problem.  I wouldn't be so tired but I'm on a 'burn these dang tumbleweeds' kick right now.  Pulled 2 huge boxes full yesterday plus trimmed some dead elm branches.  Burned today and pulled two more boxes of of the nasty things.  The time waster blog is slow today.  That should make it easier to get outside but I feel like I haven't gotten my daily entertainment.  Kind of like over eating meh food to make up for the lack of great taste;  I still fall into that trap sometimes.  I rode Tanza yesterday.  He was a good boy; I was kind of rude with him because he seemed to be lazing because of riding him just in pasture.  I'll have to try to be better next time, maybe work back to riding him down the local field roads again.

Ugh.

My tolerance for the workplaces' push on climate alarmism and DIE initiatives is shrinking as they expand their support for the commiecrats and these horrible commie agenda items.  Oh well,  they did give me continue WFH option as they are finally ending their paranoid covid restrictions.   Of course it seems like expanded laundry and cleaning duty with dad's crappy health is taking a huge amount of time and I have less free time than 3-4 years ago when I was commuting 5 days a week.   Someday I'll have more time to play with my horses; I just have to MAKE enough riding time to keep myself able to ride, and the horses reasonably healthy for riding until then.  

I haz the sadz

 Had thought I was doing pretty well on not giving in to stress and depression but have had mild insomnia the last couple nights and feeling weepy today.  I miss the neighbor kids coming over to ride.  Need to ask if they just have other interests right now or would like to come over on afternoons I don't have work meetings.  I don't want to mess with their home school schedule to have them come over in the mornings.  Learning is more important than r4f getting kid energy and happiness infusions.  I should be able to find my own energy and contentment.   

Feeling overwhelmed with dad's decline and all the undone yard work, fence repairs and pasture weed control.   I need to let go of stressing over that.   It is not like the pasture ever got any maintenance, even before mom's health failed.  I'd like to not have it be the weed patch of the subdivision; but its not like "oh it used to be all nice grass and now it is a weed patch, its always been weedy,  I just notice it more working from home the last 3 summers.  

Dad is still snoozing away.  Well he stayed up late watching a movie I think.   I don't really care about when he is awake or asleep but I don't trust him to replace the wet piss pads before plopping back down in his chair so I prefer to hear him stir and take care of that while he is getting his tea and pop tarts.  That sounds so bad; but he wants his kiddie breakfast and wouldn't want to eat eggs and bacon in the morning even if I offered to cook them.