My work are in panic mode again

 over a USA Today story.   Eye roll,   I'm pretty sure USA Today is near the front of the pack for publishing stories that are very nearly pure fiction as fear mongering or in some regions probably Yahoo inducing 'news'.   

But its quite possible that some Tornado belt university like Oklahoma may gain an advantage for bidding for the next 3 to 5 year grant proposal to manage weather research.    That would probably be the shove out of the nest to get me to sell this place and move to a much less blue state or else to NM to get a warmer winter.   I don't think I would sell and buy a place to commute to either OK university for the last few years before I hit retirement age, I would just retire early, maybe get a low level job, but I could probably just do YOLO and go around to different rides if I found a situation where the retired horses would have care while I was gone.   

But I really don't think we will be getting laid off in the next few weeks.   The stupid leadership thought that Barky and Biden policies would be permanent and went all in on idiot DEI that is anti-science and has zero relationship to our core mission; as well as pushing man-made climate change and shunning any researcher who didn't go along with herd on that and I didn't quit over those things, but it has made me lose any empathy if they do lose funding and folks have to either move to OK to stay in weather field or find private sector jobs. 

Toby will cross the rainbow bridge today

 I'm mostly numb about it right now.  Yesterday he was panting in pain, and didn't want to even take a tramadol (sp?) pain pill wrapped in cheese.   Normally I can give him 4 big capsules wrapped in some american sliced cheese and he gulps them down and thinks he got a nice treat.   I took just the small pain pill in a tiny bit of cheese and stuffed it in his mouth and he did swallow that.   I thought I was going to have to use Ruger to euthanize him, which I did not want to do, my mind goes to "what if my aim is not good enough and its not instant" but the pill kicked in and I called the mobile vet that euthanized Tux the cat for me last year.  She is coming this evening.     My housemate gave Toby some CBD oil and because I thought he was starting to pant again 5-6 hours after the tramadol I gave him 1/2 of a horse size bute tablet yesterday.   Toby has been moving slow the last week, but because he has such a history of teasing the horses and occasionally getting kicked or overdoing it chasing a rabbit and making himself sore I had not thought anything of it until he was panting in pain in the very early morning and didn't even want to swallow a cheese pill.    

With all the pain meds, Toby is still not wanting to move a lot but has wanted to eat, although not his normal kibble,  I gave him a small size can of cat food and a hamburger bun last night and he scarfed it up, and I also gave him some of his normal herbal capsules and his Benedryl in cheese.   I didn't want to give him too much cheese, but he got 3 slices instead of his normal 1/2 with capsules.    Why does it always feel like "do I have to follow through with euthanasia" when massive amounts of pain relief gets the critter feeling better.   He wanted more cat food and bread this morning so I gave him some.   I need to not punt and have the situation of the cancer? or whatever is going on getting so bad that pain meds won't help. 

 I need to dig the grave and have not wanted to start that.  But it will be dark today and I made a riding date for tomorrow so I need to gitRdone.   Part of me wants to cancel the riding, but I don't want to yank the rug on the gal I am riding with and Abe needs the miles.