I'm mostly numb about it right now. Yesterday he was panting in pain, and didn't want to even take a tramadol (sp?) pain pill wrapped in cheese. Normally I can give him 4 big capsules wrapped in some american sliced cheese and he gulps them down and thinks he got a nice treat. I took just the small pain pill in a tiny bit of cheese and stuffed it in his mouth and he did swallow that. I thought I was going to have to use Ruger to euthanize him, which I did not want to do, my mind goes to "what if my aim is not good enough and its not instant" but the pill kicked in and I called the mobile vet that euthanized Tux the cat for me last year. She is coming this evening. My housemate gave Toby some CBD oil and because I thought he was starting to pant again 5-6 hours after the tramadol I gave him 1/2 of a horse size bute tablet yesterday. Toby has been moving slow the last week, but because he has such a history of teasing the horses and occasionally getting kicked or overdoing it chasing a rabbit and making himself sore I had not thought anything of it until he was panting in pain in the very early morning and didn't even want to swallow a cheese pill.
With all the pain meds, Toby is still not wanting to move a lot but has wanted to eat, although not his normal kibble, I gave him a small size can of cat food and a hamburger bun last night and he scarfed it up, and I also gave him some of his normal herbal capsules and his Benedryl in cheese. I didn't want to give him too much cheese, but he got 3 slices instead of his normal 1/2 with capsules. Why does it always feel like "do I have to follow through with euthanasia" when massive amounts of pain relief gets the critter feeling better. He wanted more cat food and bread this morning so I gave him some. I need to not punt and have the situation of the cancer? or whatever is going on getting so bad that pain meds won't help.
I need to dig the grave and have not wanted to start that. But it will be dark today and I made a riding date for tomorrow so I need to gitRdone. Part of me wants to cancel the riding, but I don't want to yank the rug on the gal I am riding with and Abe needs the miles.
