I am buying 54 3x3-8 bales of hay sight unseen.

 I was on the fence on getting hay from my, and formally dad's regular grower this year and was very wishy washy in my emails to him.  I thought I had said in the end that I would take up to 4 stacks if he had that many for sale and he thought I had passed on buying from him this year.     I was so wishy washy because even his last years hay with excellent rain timing had some stalky bales and 2 years ago when it kept raining in June and he had to bale very late the hay was very stalky and I ended up with a messy paddock when the horses used the stalky bits as bedding instead of food.  

So I bought 8 bales of hay yesterday on our Juneteenth holiday from one guy.  His hay was not tarped or anything.   I wasn't sure the horses would like it, they did, but it would have been tough to find time to go get more today and then he has more still to bale but I was thinking that what is not baled yet will be stalky.   I am going to an endurance ride this weekend with B's horse Taj and will do the 10 mile fun ride on Sunday. 

I was thinking I need a semi load of hay and the neighborhood gal who volunteered to do my chores came with her DH this morning and I remembered he hauls livestock and asked if he also hauls hay.  He does, and there is an ad for nice horse hay in Wiggins that is just a small percentage of alfalfa.   So I made the deal to get that hay w/o even looking at it and set up for him to deliver and stack it for me too.  

If the horses don't like it I guess my pasture will get some mulch, maybe with some grass seed and I'll just be buying some extra pellets and beet pulp this year for the harder keepers. 

P.S. it was over 100 today.  But I got the BAT hooked up so I can get an early start tomorrow.   I still need to load Taj's saddle, get hay for him for the short camping bit, etc but I am inching towards being ready.  I *can* do this and I need to get away from this place for bit, maybe I can find somebody to ride with a couple times a month.  

P.P.S.  the potential house mate ghosted me.  I guess that is the term.  I thought we had a handshake agreement that he was moving in on Father's Day weekend and when he was here I did say he could borrow one of my vehicles if his truck was still in probate limbo.   (I had initially told him he needed a personal vehicle).   But he never got back to me.  I texted him Friday or Saturday that weekend and asked him to let me know if he had found a better fit for his needs but he didn't reply to that text.    

My BAT is in the shop

Getting the bumper fixed where the bolts had failed and the metal piece was bending and making a gap.

This local guy will also pull the wheels and repack the bearing and fix some of the fender and running board pieces where they had failed.   

I'm an idiot.  The guy that fixed my pickup trailer plugs did not have the in box connection right.  I must have noticed no brake lights with that plug last fall and just plugged the trailer into the bumper plug.  But I forgot that and the mis-wiring was such that the brakes were engaging when I was backing up.  I didn't think about it being the brakes when I went to take the trailer to the shop and just put in 4WD low and forced it back.   Hope I didn't damage too much.   He caught it right away when I went to back it up at his place.    

Now I can at least haul the horse and camp.   I should find someone to fix the LQ, it has a leaking water hose and the floor boards rotted because I didn't catch the leak. but I can rough it with the plywood over the soft spot and not using the water tank.   

Hopefully the mower will start this morning

 It started right up for me yesterday but the gas tank has a tiny leak, probably a hose connection is not tight.  Since I know gas will leak out I only put enough gas in it for one mowing session and last night it ran out.  It's on a slope and the bit of gas I put in it was not enough for it to fire up and get off of the slope, and then the battery was done cranking.    Could save myself frustration if I fixed the leak but I'm not positive that it's only a hose clamp and my to do list is always a yard long. 

I rode Tanza yesterday because he came up when I was trying to catch fat Sadie.   He was tender on the road, his feet are soft from all the rain we had so I couldn't tell if his hind fetlock was bothering, I think it was a bit.  I hope it will continue to heal and get to a point where I can take him trail riding.  Right now I feel like up and down hilly trails might be a bit much even just riding at a walk.  

I should ride Taj today,  I rode him 8 days ago and he was a good boy but he is getting out of shape.  I should have run to town and bought a wheelbarrow, and dropped off my old cart and some other scrap metal at the recycling place but it didn't happen. 

Working 9 to 5

 9 to 5

Big boss had a meeting about the big reprocessing effort we will do and vetting of an update to a major program.   They didn't invite me, but they needed information from me so my supervisor was asking me questions on slack.   I offered to hop on the meeting but big boss was "not necessary."  Sometimes seems like that punk is scared of me.  I have got to a point where I speak my mind cuz I don't care if he takes offense and fires me.   I'm wired to try to be basically polite so I don't think I'm too out of control, but he's a wimp.   It suckec because I couldn't do something else cuz of having to have the typing only slack conversation and I think I still missed some information because big boss declined to have me just join the stinking meeting. 

Anyway "Big boss doesn't want to overburden you so we are having H do these tasks".   Riiiggghht, pull my other finger.   I have to write up exactly how she should do things in the ticket system cuz she will not figure things out on her own, ever; I could just have done it myself, would have taken just a tiny bit more of my time.   They must want to give H a promotion and need to pad her list of accomplishments is my guess of what is really going on, cuz I AM teaching the new hire how to do processing, I'm good with that,  new hire learns and figures some things out on her own and then writes up notes that checklist Charlie types like H can use.   

I may have a house mate. Knocking wood

He and his uncle are trying to get it lined up for him to get a temporary license plate so he can drive his truck that is in his dad's name while probate grinds out.   I took down my ad,  had another "is this still open" from the landlord? that tried to steer a non-driving tenant to me.   I probably dodged a bullet with the non-driving,  the person that that landlord wanted to leave, or person wanted to leave ?  seems a bit cray cray.  I told her that Uber won't work out here and even offered she could borrow my car for a bit and she ignored what I said,   "oh Uber is everywhere now".  Sure if you can wait much longer for a ride and pay a premium  you *can* get an Uber to bring you here, and maybe get a pick up from here, but its not a workable option for a work commute.  

 I HATE when I tell people something and they refuse to accept what I said; so that was an absolute no go since the gal apparently cannot drive.     And she even was like "if you can take me to Brighton afterwards I can come check out the place" in one text.   Ahhh, so you did find out that Uber would be kind of costly.   Did she think she could move in and then weasel me into driving her to her job?   I AM a bit lonely but my big reason for looking for a housemate is I don't keep up with everything,  no way Jose to the thought of having to taxi someone to/from their job so they wouldn't lose the job.  

Waah, Tanza is sore again

I hope he just overdid things a bit and will be back to where he was.   The pasture is getting fairly eaten down so I'll probably stop letting the horses out to graze soon and maybe that will limit his over doing it.  But I have got to stop tying my emotions to this horses soundess.   I keep telling myself this and thinking I'm making progress, but then he'll have a day or 2 of being noticeably sore and I'm working to fight back tears all day; once my mood goes sour I just spiral with how lonely I am and feeling like no one wants to be around me,  and I don't know how to change that, and on and on. 

I rode Tanza Today and Saturday

He was full of piss and vinegar on Saturday,  trying to take off running, whirling around etc and when I got home and let the horses out to the pasture he was running and bucking like a 4 year old.   And today he was not so eager to go, and had a few ouch steps but just a few, he mostly felt solid.   Knock wood but I think he is sound enough now to be fine for riding on real trails so long as it was just walk and enjoy the scenery riding and not endurance or CTR pacing.    I was going to ride Sadie both mornings but she was doing "you aint catching me" and especially Saturday, Tanza was "I'll go, I'll go"  Today Tanza was not eager, he'd have rather I just let everybody out instead of riding but he didn't try to avoid me.  

I cut dead small trees yesterday and my neck and shoulders are whining about it today.   I should pump the neighborhood to see if anyone has teen boys willing to do heavy yard work.   I have a nibble on my NextDoor ad for a housemate.  It's a gal, so I wouldn't get guy muscles, but I could use organized woman help too.   If it works out maybe she can help me line up someone to install laminate flooring and so on.  So I feel like I'm working out of my blahs from this winter,  it's slow progress but progress. 

I hope the chiropractor I'm trying today provides relief

 My neck and upper back have been getting sore a lot recently.  It is 7 weeks since my last chiropractor appointment before he retired.  Getting an adjustment and the muscle release work he did every 4-5 weeks kept me feeling pretty good but I was wanting to just crawl in a hole a lot of the time the last month and did not look for a new chiropractor until this week when my neck was really irritated.  I think I took it over the edge changing the tire on dad's old gooseneck using the mini size floor jack since I don't have a 5th wheel hitch to be able to drive the trailer up on a jack or couple of 2x6 to raise it for changing a tire.  I guess that may be a blessing in disguise.   I do need regular chiro work to feel good so the sore neck was a good clue bat.     I really should schedule a dental appointment as well before I end up with a tooth ache emergency.  

I put an ad for housemate on Nextdoor.   I suppose I'll put one on CL as well.   I'm a bit paranoid about putting them out there, I definitely need to word the CL as WE need help keeping the place up.  I don't know if churches even have little new sheets anymore or FB pages etc but of course none of the neighbors volunteered to post my offer on their church's media if the media exists.    Probably P, because he would have to deal with getting his own tractor and he hates change as much as I do really would prefer I stay here rather then selling; most of the 'ladies of' neighborhood group would probably be just as happy if the weird old maid moved away.  Well I think L might miss me, but she is busy with baby, and is now in the mommy's club and has that connection with the core group of neighbors that meet semi-regularly.  

Rotten FB,  I can't post on their marketplace app because my account is under Vee for my last initial rather than my full name.   I tried to sign up a new FB account with my full name and immediately got an account suspended response.  I suppose because it is a verboten 2nd account to same person, but I didn't want to just delete my over 10 years old account.    And every time I go there it is overload on my feed with a bunch of crap.  I need to go in and unfollow a bunch of people I guess, or unfriend them.  I should research if people get a notice with the unfriend option.  I don't want to hurt feelings or burn bridges.  Maybe I just need to forget about trying to use FB for any selling or roommate searching and go back to mostly not even checking it.    They are constantly pushing advertising and leftwing propaganda in what they show on 'my feed'.  I don't get enough out of it to put up with a ton of BS by going on there every day.

Neighbor bought dad's Prius yesterday

So one more thing off of my plate.   He took it to place his friend the Ford 6 liter specialist had recommended to me and it was less than $500 to fix it.  I asked $500 for it which is a pretty good deal, trade in value is 2K, but P had also spent some of his valuable labor time on it so I think it's good all around.  I signed the seller's section on the title and took it over there.   P has a Focus that he will sell now so he will get some cash out of the deal that way.  

I rode Sadie Saturday and Sunday.   The saddle that works on her is not very comfy for me;  I'll have to try to figure out how to make it work nicer for me so I'm more eager to ride her.    Tanza has been cantering hard some days when I let the horses out and then his RH with the sesamoid fractures is sore, he is dropping his hip when he trots I think,  now that I've seen that hip drop, any time his trot looks uneven to me and he is not stabbing the toe I assume he is dropping his hip because the fetlock is sore, I'm not often lined up to be straight behind him to really see the hip.   But he seems to get sore and have the uneven trot but not super sore like last fall so I think once the pasture is eaten down and he is not zooming he will be sound for walking trail rides.   Right now I've been figuring he is getting more than enough exercise for those bones and I'm keeping on with using the laser on him.  So with Sadie, Taj and then Tanza for walking rides I have plenty of horses I can ride.  I also found on Dreamhorse what I think is a rescue in Texas that had a couple of Arabians.   I should ask B if she has any friends that would like to ride Taj,  Sadie and Taj are buddy buddy so I think she would do fine on the trail if I had someone to ride Taj and there were not a lot of other horses.  

I have a chiropractor appointment Thursday.   I went online and this place seems like it will be similar to how Dr Williams did things that worked well for me.   If the Chiro doesn't work they have a massage therapist I might try so see if that muscle work helps my back and neck.   Being me I waited until my neck was bugging me to search for a new chiropractor.   

Work has been stressful lately.   Thinking back the big boss and sr software are not any worse than they've ever been; its just that I am more "ARGHHH, listen to my ideas instead of always making things unnecessarily difficult"   Plus I've been getting lost trying to sort out the python 2.7 script for the streaming service that we are supposedly hosting that was not updated when it should have been last year because the person in charge of it was on paternity leave and then taking a new job.   STUPID big boss had it written in 2.7 originally even though I TOLD him several years ago that everything was going to 3 as I was trying to learn python and finding that situation.    I'm not even officially in charge of that streaming service but jumped in because the gal that they assigned to it was over her head.

Another weekend and I made no riding dates.

 Sighhh,  I need to get over my fear of rejection and be trying to make 'dates' to meet at a trailhead with other riders.   But the horses are enjoying grass this morning.   I decided I need to see if Tanza can handle a bit of pasture romping.    He seemed a bit off as he was trotting in circles waiting for me to open the gate, sigh again.  Stupid Taj has been stuck in the fence the last two mornings.   I suppose I should try to find some short mesh fencing and put around the bottom of his pen.   I need to get my butt to TSC to pick up beet pulp and their store brand SR feed that the dinks get.  

Yay, co-worker is having a baby

It's a good thing,  the world needs smart people to have children.   Sadly my main reaction is "oh great, we'll be even MORE short staffed with good old w4h's expected to pick up the slack".   Actually probably the big thing is my supervisor will stretching herself even more thin, and V will have less time to develop the skills to replace me down the road, the expectant mom mainly does tasks I've not been involved with.

But that assumes our group will even still exist down the road when I retire.   I'm in a catch 22.   I dive into work to keep from going into a depression spiral because I have such a hard time connecting with people.  But then I don't feel like I can make time for social activities.  

I want to give some Gibb's slaps

  Or at least one.   The brand new hire is refusing to understand me telling him that his little python code to convert formats is bad.  Even before that misunderstanding of what I plainly told him, I was pissed that he only did the most basic preliminary check that the starting values matched but had never looked at the end of the converted file to make sure the values still matched and had wasted a good chunk of mine and V's time processing data with clock files that were garbage because his python converter loses it place somewhere and is outputting garbage by the end of the file.   grrrr grrr grrr. 

Then V herself.  'big boss is concerned because ONE day has lower #s and needs that explained before approving the results for publishing.   She checked and the prelim file type inventory itself is low, but big boss wants to know why is it low.  It is probably because the level0 file for that day was low on data, but working for horses is not pulled enough different ways already because no one can bother to review the basics of their job before just expecting me to give them a quick fix with no effort on their part and big boss has to have every I dotted and every t crossed, EXCEPT when big boss is express-laning CRAP code from the senior software engineer who always thinks his new code is perfect and doesn't need to be tested on data other than the one or two samples he used to develop it.   So tired of that crap, especially since big boss is taking a whole lot of PTO lately and expecting my supervisor who was already over loaded to pick up his slack.   

I got the Blahs.

 That was a kid's book from my childhood.  I tried to go to a sunrise service on Sunday, but they had listed the wrong time on their web page; and I didn't go to the church's FB or think "hmm, that time is after sunrise" or anything so I got there for only the last 5 minutes of the service.   Sweet people, they invited me to come to their regular 10 am service in their church but I didn't go.   I checked out their website when I got home and wasn't sure I wanted to engage with a 'contemporary services' church.   Although the bit of service I heard was okay so I might check them out later.  Not sure whether to try the church that many neighbors go to or not.   Feels like they are avoiding me at home, maybe me going to their church would warm them to me, but maybe they would feel like I was stalking them. 

I didn't text or call sibs, thought they might have plans, plus decided to see if they would text or call me - they didn't.  I did get the Purple@tm mattress from the non-maintained road where I ride and get it cut up and in my dumpster.   Weirdest thing, maybe an hour after I had got back from fetching that thing the neighborhood text group went hot.  The neighbor that lives right by the corner where that spot is spotted someone heading to illegally dump some stuff.   The litterer got their pickup stuck.  HA! karma caught up with them.  It looked like a pickup that had dumped a whole rotted out camping trailer there a few weeks ago.   The really weird thing is the person abandoned the pickup and fled on foot when the police came.   

So now I wonder if they had stolen that pickup, or if they were an illegal with a warrant for something and were scared they'd get deported.   There is a considerable fine for littering, but I don't think the fine would be higher than the value of that pickup, it looked fairly new in the pic the neighbor took of it on the tow truck.    Side note,  the mattress was heavy.  It was all I could do to get it on B's flatbed.  After all the commotion I am like "thank you god for looking out for me that I was not coincident with the dumper, they might have stolen B's pickup" , I left it idling cuz I haven't driven it in ages and thought it could use the battery charging.

I rode Tanza,  he hardly stood for me to do a few minutes of laser treatment.   I need to ride him in the pen or pasture next time.  He seems ouchy on the road and I think that is just him being sensitive to the rocks with no shoes on, it doesn't feel like he is limping on the back leg with the fractured sesamoid bones that I think are fairly healed up now.  If he is sound in the paddock, then I'll try hoof boots on him and see if he can handle going down the hard pack road.   I might take him to CSU for another check.  I'd like to know more clearly where he is at.   I'd like to get a good evaluation from Dr Mike, but when he did vaccinations he just looked at Tanza trot with no flexion and said "start riding him at a walk,  he will always react to flexion now and not be sound for riding faster for any length of time"   I could just ride Tanza, gradually increasing distance and possible doing a bit of trotting,  I just don't trust myself to know what is going on anymore and I don't want to overdo and be missing Tanza trying to tell me "this is an ouch".  

Neighbors had their friends over for Easter dinner I think.  The sunrise service had pancake and sausage breakfast after, fundraiser for a youth building they want to build and I ate that and gave them a 50 buck donation.  Then I just munched the rest of the day.   I have so much fish, and ring sausage in the freezer I should cook up some day but I never feel like making it.   Maybe as weather gets nice I'll fire up the grill and cook the fish, it is nice to keep the fish smell out of the house.  

Still battling my pissy mood, mood swings

 Not sure its mood swings, more like just being weepy too much of the time.  But I'm trying to fight that,  I am overall pretty blessed.  Yesterday I let horses out to graze on the crappy bit of pasture.   I put Tanza in with Lady so he wouldn't overdo it.    He was not having it, and was over doing things fussing, so I haltered him and led him out to the group.    I did not see him favoring his right hind any when I fed grain later in the day; that kept my mood up yesterday.   I guess I have it in my head that I am going to die and or have health issues keeping me out of the saddle before I hit 70, I think about getting a younger horse and doing endurance again but I keep shying away from doing it, especially a young Arabian.   If I got a stock horse breed that would be kid safe I could probably rehome it if I become unable to ride; but Arabians are harder to place.   But I don't particularly WANT  to get an older kid safe horse.   I thought I'd like to have the neighbor kids start coming to ride again; but when they came over and I tried Taj and he bucked their friend off I think it scared them off.   And if they are not wanting to ride enough to get on CJ and to do a bit more grooming and shit before riding it would be plumb loco to buy a horse just to suit their needs. 

Plus I still might sell this place and move.   I need to contact the gal that I think coordinates the neighborhood bible study and ask about joining.   If they rebuff me after inviting L to try to evangelize her a few years ago I think that will be the "here's your sign" from god that I need to finally grow up and find my own place to live.   I know I avoided joining neighborhood activities when I was commuting 5 days/week and hauling out to ride or do overnights at endurance rides and just got the condensed version of what was happening from dad visiting with everybody.  But if they can't let that go now when I am lonely, then I need to get a fresh start and try to connect with new neighbors right away wherever I land. 

The dog has more social life than I do

 Yesterday after I fed the mini's Toby was eating on a hoof bit from the Apr 11 farrier visit; then he went over to visit the neighbors,  I called him a couple times about 1/2 hour apart before they must have went inside or whatever, and  Toby had come back to our yard and was ready to come in.    It is sweet that they don't mind him coming over.   A couple weeks ago they texted me a picture of Toby hanging out with them while they were relaxing with their solo fire pit and I walked over after I fed the minis and I got a weird vibe, felt like they were not happy that I invited myself over to join the dog and them.  They did chat with me for several minutes until they had to go pick up the kids from the church activity group; and I guess if they were really not wanting to be around me they would have said they had to leave right away and would have just taken a scenic drive before picking up the kids, but I did get a vibe of "we didn't intend to invite you by showing the dog over here" 

few days later P.S.  Neighbor just texted the whole group about buying a small bale of hay for doing petting zoo at their church in a couple of weeks.   It's great, another neighbor that is not keeping horses at home anymore has one to sell her.   Just feels odd; in the past they normally would have asked dad, or dad and me first.   Wonder if they will borrow a trailer from another neighbor as well?   I have no idea what I did or am doing to make them want to avoid me, which sucks; don't know if there is something I should apologize for, or if I run my mouth too much when I'm visiting, which I try to avoid but I don't always realize I'm not letting other folks have time to voice their thoughts or some totally random thing that is not even on my radar.  

made equestrian singles a 6 mo. paid subscription and signed up for several FB groups

 Neighbor was like "you should check out some women in the saddle over 50 group to search for a housemate.   NONE of the ones I checked allow any kind of 'promotion'  so I don't think that is going anywhere but perhaps I can find a riding buddy.  Most of B's friends are south of Denver and I think are trending to going extra far south to get away from Denver crowds so that is not so easy for me being north of Denver, and I believe I failed to meet their happy hour after riding and horsemanship standards.  I was trying not to be a sponge, but I'm not organized and when I was trying to bring beer, even buying what I thought they liked, they didn't seem too interested.   Oh well, distance is a huge issue anyway so I need to try to find people that ride on trails that are a closer drive for me. 

Maybe I should subscribe to a yoga routine

 I'm literally yelling at the monitor at times the last few days.   I'm trying to be more chill but it aint easy.

I tried to list my house share on FB marketplace.  They require an ID to list on marketplace, this is a good thing overall, but probably FB will cancel my account because I signed up with my last initial spelled out like it was a name instead of letting those voracious thugs have my actual name when I signed up with them 10+ years ago, so now my real ID does not match my FB name.   

So frustrated at work too.   I knew that trying to deal with TKWs code would be a nightmare.   Writing the wrapper for it was nothing but of course mr autistic scientist had to use the newest possible fortran and whatever versions instead of asking IT and our ops group what versions we are and will use and developing his code in that framework.   I'm so sick of the BS of the scientists doing that.  They should be capable of understanding that having custom latest greatest outside packages in their home directories is ok when they are writing tools just to analyze data to create papers but if they have a grant to develop a product they need to be developing that product with the packages we use for operations.   We have FISMA requirements up the wazoo and cannot just install their shiny new tool that gave them a shortcut or something on the 30+ systems used in operations.    Stupid jerks, and stupid jerk managers for having let them do this in the past. 

Got the horse pens cleaned today

I went and got the 3 twin mattresses that some toad had left at the corner of the road I like to ride on.   I think they are spring coil but I was able to fold one and tie it and get in the dumpster.   If I can tie the next two more tightly I can probably get them both in the dumpster.   Cut down the dead tree by the horses water tank while waiting for Paul to get home from church and lunch out.  I could have gotten the mower off and the blade on myself if I had too but he offered to swap them for me and I'm not good at it.  

I even did some quick cleaning of the mini's pen.   Pulled some of the wet hay away from the fence to the middle of their pen.  I want to till it in someday.   And then where they had a bunch of wet hay by the gate I used the tractor bucket to 'rake' it back and then scooped up 3 bucket loads of it.  The second  was only about 1/2 a load, but I grabbed the manure fork and loaded it full for the last trip.   

I was worried about Taj sneaking out of the pen when I went in with the tractor and thought, 'I'll push the gates open with the tractor as I go.   DUMB move.   I caught the gate with the bucket and didn't notice and pulled the big railroad tie post the gate is mounted to off kilter.  It looks like the post just moved in the sand vs breaking so I jacked up the gate to get the post sat and tamped the post and when I released the jack it wasn't as bad but was still off so I jacked it up again high as the jack wanted to go for me and tamped it again and left the jack under the gate.   Maybe it will set up better overnight.  

Took an ibuprofen with a beer plus had some frosted shredded wheat and pretzels.   My right shoulder and neck are whining hard.   I should make myself look over my left shoulder half of the time the next time I am backing the tractor a lot to clean pens.  But tonight I will take an Alleve and hopefully the NSAIDs will work so I'm not too stiff and sore tomorrow.    

P.S.   The post did hold this morning.    Yesterday I also did a load of laundry and vacuumed the entryway.  I need to get pics of the basement room and dad's horse trailer and do FB marketplace posts.  Yesterday when I took the tractor back to P's yard he and S had just put the cows away after letting them graze in their yard so I didn't text or call him that I was finished since I was sure couldn't have missed hearing the tractor.   They did not turn and make any contract with me and I was in a hurry to get back home to fix my gate post so I didn't try to initiate contact with them.    I keep feeling a weird vibe that they want to avoid me.   If I had been born 20 years later than I was, I'd probably have a diagnosis of 'being on the spectrum', or Asperger syndrome.   I do fit the Asperger symptoms,  though not too strongly IMO.   Regardless I have very low confidence in my ability to pick up on social cues and I don't want to be a pest, so I err on the side of deciding people are busy and don't want to talk to me. 

Shoulder and neck feel pretty good today so the NSAIDs and pain wizard last night did the trick.

Ughh. Of course Colorado is not one of the 25 states that allows IRS direct file

And of course I am over the limit to use the free file option.   Well I'm not going to be forced to buy one of the commercial online tax softwares.    The IRS can just scan in my paper return until they talk Colorado into getting on board with the direct file option.  I was thinking I had used E-file last year, but that must have just been dad's taxes that I filed for him. 

And maybe someday they will allow to report the schedule E directly on the 1040 instead of having to fill it out, and be forced to fill in just one line on schedule 1, 2 times of course because its the schedule E,  then total extra income to report on the 1040.   Such a lot of stupid hoops when I have just the one small royalty payment I have to add. 

Tanza did have small rocks in one front foot and in his sesamoid issue hind foot

 Yesterday it was sunny after Friday's overnight rain, before the afternoon 2nd wave rain came in, and I fed earlier but the wind was blowing pretty good after I went in put on my riding sneakers so I just put Tanza up.     When I fed at 10pm Taj was shivering, the dumb bunny got soaked instead of staying mostly in his shed while it was raining.   So I put his blanket on him.   I haven't pulled his blanket yet, it's cloudy so I wanted to wait a bit to see if was going to rain more.

I am so lonely the past few weeks that I'm thinking yet again about selling this place and moving.  I called sis last night but I just got her voicemail and she never called me back.   I did sign up for equestrian singles but have not upgraded to the paid membership or filled in with more pics and a better profile yet.  But certainly I am now free to move if I would click with someone.   Right now that feels unlikely so I'll have to get past my waah waah mood and try to put myself out there a bit.   Realistically I Need to add someone to my life.  Could be that just a housemate or housemate couple would work out best but I'm trying to get myself to pursue various options.  

Today Tanza took some ouchy steps

 Ughhh.   I guess this points me towards taking him to CSU again.   The bad steps felt like he was sore on a front foot but I don't trust myself.   I guess I will clean his feet good tomorrow to see if there is anything to be seen, and maybe ride him in the sandy paddock instead of down the hard road next time I get on him and probably I need to be back to "just get him sound for more active pasture turnout, buy another horse to do any serious riding" mindset like I was thinking this winter.   With Tanza seeming to be quite good I was thinking I can take him on trails as long as I don't ride with the endurance folks.  Now I don't know. 

I'm reluctant to buy another horse because I don't know if I'll ride that much even if I get a good sound trail horse.  I've been trying to connect with a couple of B's friends.   J texted that she 'was out of commission' right now.   L texted that she wanted to ride but had hurt her back.   I texted L again a week ago and she said her back was still messed up.   I think L probably is actually hurt.  I don't know with M and J, they might just be throwing out an excuse.   I've always enjoyed riding with them but it's long drives to their trails, and they ride longer, not sure I have the energy to do it too often even if they ever invite me to join them, but it would be good for Taj while B is too busy with baby daughter to ride him.  

Finally we have had 3 nice days in a row

 On the weekend of the 15th B was out to visit on Saturday, then it got breezy later that afternoon.  Then on Sunday the 16th it was a strong breeze all day and I thought I'd wait and ride Taj during the week since my afternoons are mostly free of meetings other than wed.    A couple of the mornings were nice but every afternoon the wind was blowing hard.  I was thinking "why am I paying the extra $ to live here if I'm going to have Wyoming/Dakota winds all the time."   But I did hand walk Tanza a few times.   Dr Mike cleared him for riding at a walk on the 14th but with the wind and my paranoia I opted to hand walk.

Finally on Sunday the 23rd it stayed nice all day.   Saturday, the 22nd it was not bad in the morning and I cut some dead branches with the pole saw but I didn't want to burn as it was gusting at times and the forecast had called for wind which did indeed arrive in the afternoon. 

I led Tanza a short ways on Sunday and then left Toby in the house and took my little 2.5 mile loop ride on Taj.   When I rode Taj a couple weeks ago and let Toby come along Toby was so sore he was panting from the pain in the middle of the night 2 days later,  I remembered I had some old Tramadol and gave him one the next morning and I've given him 2 devils claw capsules both night and day since.   But still Toby needs to only come when I'm doing a shorter, only walking ride on Tanza from now on.   

Today I rode Tanza.  Just 1/2 mile if that out and back at a walk but I rode him, and he felt fine.   I'm so relieved.   When he stayed so sore for weeks after the CSU visit before T-day I was so depressed, wondering if I'd have to confine him to paddock without an energizer horse like Taj forever.   I bought a cold light equine laser and used it 5 times a week or so, some of the cold windy days only lasting for 5 or 10 minutes and then end of February and early March before Dr Mikes visit when the weather got nicer ramping up to over 40 minutes a session.   I'm still using it some now, trying to get Tanza healed really well, but with Dr Mike's statement I decided that some extra walking on hard ground is probably good to get the bones to heal stronger at this point.   

Sigh, FB is just as bad as it was in early 2021

 I was thinking to post for a housemate, but after scanning my feed and seeing the amount of TVDS I can't deal with FB.   I didn't ride at all on Sunday.  I did hand walk Tanza, but then the wind was up and I thought "oh I'll just ride tomorrow".   The wind has been even stronger than on Sunday; oops.  

I guess I'm riding only at home again today.

Last week I texted on Sunday to a couple of B's riding friends and one said she would like to ride together but she had injured her back but the weekend of the 15th might work.   I never got a text sent to her before this weekend and she didn't text me either.   Probably her back is still not 100%.   I didn't want to commit early because the forecast was predicting it might snow Friday night so I didn't know if trails would be rideable, plus was doing the vaccinations, so wasn't sure Taj would feel okay today.   He may be a bit blah but I think is okay.

Yesterday was the anniversary of dad dying.  I don't make a thing of death anniversaries, I don't even remember now when Mom died, just mid Sept.  of course with her it was  smeared out over 2-3 days since she was in hospital and they had her heart working in the ER; that doc wanted to pull the plug immediately but I pushed back to at least contact the sibs first even though she was unresponsive so mom was in ICU for a day or 2.    But I was still a bit extra low because of remembering it was the day dad died.

B came out to visit with her baby E yesterday.  That was very nice.   I texted the neighbors in case they wanted to come over and say hello and see the baby but he was at a bday party with the son and she was having a tea party so I guess was too busy.   I have got to get over my angst that I am only their neighbor and not on their list of friends.  At least we are on good neighbor terms, they store, use, and maintain dad's tractor he bought a few years ago and I can grab it whenever I want or need to do some tractor work and I don't have to remember to buy fuel or get its maintenance done.  That is a huge blessing to me.   It's just a sad thing to me that I feel like they don't enjoy my company.    I cannot think what I'm doing that is a turnoff to the neighborhood ladies group.   I don't think I just moan and whine when together, and I certainly don't constantly try to one-up.  I do sometime become a total chatterbox, but I think that is mainly when I'm nervous or excited, like when I'm at a ride, so I don't think I'm not letting them have a chance to speak.  Perhaps it's only being an old maid and not having the common reference of kids.   

I rode Taj last weekend at home and it went well

I tried Tanza's bridle on Taj.  I was shocked that I didn't have to adjust the headstall but it seemed find, not too tight.   And it worked well,  I was not fearful of not being able to get Taj stopped so I let him canter more, he did his head tossing a bit but with the German martingale I didn't feel like I might get bopped hard in the nose and with my reins Taj was not able to get more slack in the reins so I was able to just ride through the tossing and he quit quickly.    That was the bright spot of the week.

Friday was vaccine day.   It was cold and icky.  I had asked that the appointment add a lameness evaluation for Tanza but Dr Mike only had me trot him out and back and he said I could start riding him.  Well with all the yeehaw and whatnot when I went to catch Sadie Tanza seemed sore later that day when I fed him.   I guess I should start riding him at a walk though, it will probably be good for bone healing, but I'm going to have to continue laser yet and clearly Tanza is not ready to go in with Taj's pen because Taj will run Tanza around quite a bit at least at first.   Oh well, so it goes.   I guess I'll probably schedule another x-ray at CSU but not until mid-April.   At the Jan 31 appointment the vet said it would be too early to see a change in x-rays and probably come back in a couple of months.  

If I can't get a handle on my blues I may be forced to ask for a prescription

 I very much want to avoid needing a prescription psychotropic drug.  I still remember the psychiatrist in sis's riding club decades ago mentioning that withdrawal from them is usually a real bitch; so I don't want to sign on for something I'll need to keep taking forever and be at the mercy of the CCP, where I might get to go through bitch withdrawal anyway because they decide to have a trade war.   

But I'm tired of being on the struggle bus so much of the time. 

Ugh, so disgusted with the 'Thursday is the new Friday' mindset that seems rampant at my work

 I'm teetering on the edge of going too far with pushing the group boss.  But I get soooooo fed up with trying to get his pet projects working after he handed them off to other people who neglected them either because they thought it was a waste of their time vs their own science or did not have anywhere the software background to handle things.   And it feels like most of the group thinks they can just ask W4H to do something that is their job;  I now push back hard on a lot of that with "I'm swamped", or with the one great young newish hire give her a few sentences on how to do things herself.   

And things will get worse before they get better.  I like that Trump is taking a chainsaw to all the wasteful federal agencies, and we are not fed employees, but I imagine we will end up with our own hiring freeze. So if someone quits, we'll just have to cover the work they did.   And while I'm complaining cuz it feels like no one else is doing much of anything on Thursdays and Fridays,  everyone in the group is handling some important tasks and it would be tough to get things done if they were gone and could not be replaced. 

L has a cold and couldn't come this week; then she posted to the neighborhood how hard it is getting to do things with the fetus getting so big.  So I'll have to tell her it's probably time to stop coming here, and because I wanted to be a good friend I volunteered to let her dog out of its cage and do some chuck it with him tomorrow while she is at her Doc appointment.   I need to ask what time that should happen and ask if the neighbor boy could/would come with me.   He can probably work the ball chucker way better than I can and has youthful energy. 

The dumpster is over half filled and I burned a bunch of boxes.

 But there is a still a long way to go to get the big storage shed cleaned up.  But I am to a point where I think it will make sense to spray the mouse turds on the floor with bleach and sweep them up now, and then shift back to all the boxes of stuff on the shelving units.  One of the items in the shed is a shelving kit.  Metal brackets and particle board shelves and I think one is supposed to get their own 2x4s to finish it.   Maybe I can get L to post the kit on the neighborhood text group for me and someone will take it.   The mouse mess is disgusting, I don't want to get hantavirus, it's a lot more dangerous than covid or flu so I do want to do the bleach spray before sweeping it up, and I should get more poison out there.  

I started pecking away at the accumulated clutter over 5 years ago.  And I did get rid of a lot of the clutter in the house and took time to rehome a lot of things.  But the parents were accumulating stuff for 50 years.   Having the dumpster is a big help.  It is mild this weekend but I avoided making any plans to try to ride in case CSU told me Tanza was not healing or was behind on healing and I got super depressed, so I took advantage of nice temps to tackle the shed cleanup, and with my own dumpster there was no block of not wanting to put too much into it.  

I need to find the contact info for the trailer place a few miles away that fixed my p/u wiring for me and call to see if I can have them get another hitch with just a short drop and fix the lights on my trailer.  I could do those things myself unless wires are broken; but I'm not broke, bored, or a painful distance from a business that can do it for me.  

I am really dragging today

 I suppose because of the stress of missing my turn and then trying to 'just go over and find the right street' and then losing all track of where I was in relation to the CSU equine clinic yesterday.   It was easier when their livestock facility was way out on the edge of town.   But the reception desk gal kindly gave me directions and they were able to look at Tanza even though I was way past my set appointment time. 

The other stress is my housemate got transferred to SLC, he left yesterday.  He texted me Thursday,  I guess that is all the notice they give their apprentice linemen, and sounded like even full linemen don't get much notice; that is just the nature of that job as opposed to a lineman that works for a local utility.  I am happy for J to be only 4 hours from his home so he can see his wife and toddler every weekend.  But I'm still  stressed that I have to find a new housemate.   I don't know whether to try to find someone with or wanting to get a horse; or try to get another very handy guy that is doing contract work near here.   When I have to start being in the office 3x/week in June it would be quite nice to have a horse person to cover evening feeding, but I can figure something out with the neighbor kids if I need to and it would be nice to have someone do more fixing for a few months.  

What a weight off my mind

 Tanza's fetlock lameness is improving.  They did not take new x-rays, the vet said since its only 2 months she wouldn't expect to be able to see much change on the sesamoid x-rays, but with the level of improvement in gait after flexion from November she didn't think he needed to have shock wave therapy and if they do the shockwave it is $800-1K each time and they do it 3 or 4 times every 2 weeks.   The only issue they found on his stifle was some excess fluid, and that might from him compensating for the fetlock soreness.   

So keep on doing what I have been,  using the cold laser 4-5 times a week and feeding the OCD pellets and I can bring him back for a recheck in 2 months.   I'll probably just have Dr Mike evaluate him.  I need to get another trailer ball with only a couple inches of drop to pull my trailer with B's pickup.   I guess I was hoping/thinking I'd have my pickup to use by then.  But I should drive B's pickup somewhat more often,  I've been using the trickle charger some to keep the battery okay but vehicles should be driven a couple times a month for other things.  

Procrastination wins

 After neighbor moved my dumpster to the other side of the driveway for me with the pallet forks on the tractor the dumpster service has been able to reach and  empty it.  I should still get some fill for that ditch, it might need some help when the ground is no longer freezing overnight.    I had to report for jury duty on Jan 6th.   Thankfully I didn't get seated on the jury for the pool I was in but I picked up a virus that hit like a truck on the 9th.   5 days of ivermectin got me past it, but it really did hit me hard.  I don't know if it was influenza or I was just hit that hard by a regular cold bug.   I am now getting some excess sinus drainage,  hopefully I don't wind up with a sinus infection or other bacterial crud.   The coworkers have been sick a lot this winter so I don't think there is an issue with my health, seems to just be a year for a lot of viruses going around. 

I really need to call the CSU equine center so I can get in and get copies of the images they took and I also need to book an appointment to get the fetlock x-rayed again and do the shockwave.  I think the cold laser I've been doing is helping a bit but my gut feeling is that just that and rest is not going to get enough healing.   I keep getting depressed by the situation.  I figure I will retire Tanza but I want him pasture sound.  I don't know if it makes any sense for me to get a new horse.  I kind of thinks I should just ride CJ and Sadie some and either try to find someone that would like someone to ride one of their extra horses or maybe just go and volunteer at rides.  It seems very hard to find time to do much riding.