I guess I'm riding only at home again today.

Last week I texted on Sunday to a couple of B's riding friends and one said she would like to ride together but she had injured her back but the weekend of the 15th might work.   I never got a text sent to her before this weekend and she didn't text me either.   Probably her back is still not 100%.   I didn't want to commit early because the forecast was predicting it might snow Friday night so I didn't know if trails would be rideable, plus was doing the vaccinations, so wasn't sure Taj would feel okay today.   He may be a bit blah but I think is okay.

Yesterday was the anniversary of dad dying.  I don't make a thing of death anniversaries, I don't even remember now when Mom died, just mid Sept.  of course with her it was  smeared out over 2-3 days since she was in hospital and they had her heart working in the ER; that doc wanted to pull the plug immediately but I pushed back to at least contact the sibs first even though she was unresponsive so mom was in ICU for a day or 2.    But I was still a bit extra low because of remembering it was the day dad died.

B came out to visit with her baby E yesterday.  That was very nice.   I texted the neighbors in case they wanted to come over and say hello and see the baby but he was at a bday party with the son and she was having a tea party so I guess was too busy.   I have got to get over my angst that I am only their neighbor and not on their list of friends.  At least we are on good neighbor terms, they store, use, and maintain dad's tractor he bought a few years ago and I can grab it whenever I want or need to do some tractor work and I don't have to remember to buy fuel or get its maintenance done.  That is a huge blessing to me.   It's just a sad thing to me that I feel like they don't enjoy my company.    I cannot think what I'm doing that is a turnoff to the neighborhood ladies group.   I don't think I just moan and whine when together, and I certainly don't constantly try to one-up.  I do sometime become a total chatterbox, but I think that is mainly when I'm nervous or excited, like when I'm at a ride, so I don't think I'm not letting them have a chance to speak.  Perhaps it's only being an old maid and not having the common reference of kids.