I need to stop hoping work loses funding

I'm not actively wishing it, I'm not close friends with folks there, but I like most of them and don't want their lives disrupted.   But part of me has been wishing for an outside force to make my job vanish.   I've been doing better the last few weeks.   Starting to take a day off every couple of weeks to just go riding.  I need to just keep taking care of myself and having fun and not think I have to solve every problem at work.  And I'm pecking away at home life.   I threw out a few boxes of crap from the shed last weekend.  I got my car in and got new tires put on it today, then got a few things at Walmart and bought a couple of mouse traps at TSC.  I have a mouse in my bedroom.  Ugh, it was making noise last night and I didn't sleep very well. 

I'm no longer riding with L and F together.   It has been so much more fun and relaxing just to go with either F and her slower mare or with L and Taj.   Two weeks ago L and I went to Lory state park.  Abe was swirling,  someone had taken off a few minutes before we got mounted and he wanted to go catch that horse.  L had to hold him for me to get on.  I turned on a different trail away from how they had gone and it was technical and climbing right away.   And kept climbing a lot.  Taj actually got tired.  It was a nice change from Taj and Abe getting all racey with each other.  

When I ride with just F and her mare, Abe is pretty chivalrous, lets me rate him to a slower trot so slow mare can keep up better and so on.   Yesterday F and I went to Sharptail.   I was leading Abe on the way back, cuz F's mare had been bobbing her head when trotting, plus I'm trying to get in some walking and hopefully lose some spare tire, and I accidentally went off the main trail.  I didn't want to climb back up the hill so I tried taking a short cut but we hit a fence line and had to bushwhack up a pretty steep hill to get back to the actual trail.   I got on Abe for going up the steep hill, F and her mare did very well clambering up the hill on no trail.   F had her Renegade hoof boots on the mare and a new one had a cable break.  That had probably been irritating the mare,  F said she moved better after I had noticed it and she took the boot off.  Mare does move funny on that leg due to an old injury,  maybe she lands crooked and puts extra stress on the hoof boot.   

Hopefully mouse goes for the bait tonight,  I bought their mouse attractant gel as well as 2 traps.  I have 8 more traps ordered from Amazon.   The Victor, metal tab ones I had did catch some mice with raisins wedged in the tab but the last few that I had are pretty well shot; I bought Tomcat ones that are set up to not have to touch the mouse after the trap springs, they were rated pretty high.   I had bought some cheapo glue boards, not sure if they would even work on mice,  they are good for bugs.  I had some more $$ glue boards and did get some mice with them a couple years ago, but I don't like using the glue boards,  if I spot the mouse on them right away I have to whack it with something and dispatch it, and if I don't check one that had been getting no action and then find a dead mouse later I feel bad.  But I'm not doing any catch and release traps.   I want the mice dead, I just want it to be close to instant death.  Hoping this different snap design works and I can get rid of the mice. 

 

Got rid of a bit of garage clutter today

 I need to note this, and give myself a pat on the back because the garage is very cluttered with stuff mom and dad had accumulated.   The 3 feed bags of stuff I put in the dumpster, and wire crate that I put wood scraps in and took out to the burn barrel being gone is hardly noticeable for the clutter that is still there.  But what I got rid of is gone forever.   I whiffed on no phone games today but I did get my trailer ready to go tomorrow, except I need to get some hay in it for Taj and Abe.

Tomorrow farrier comes at 8 am, then I told my riding buddies I would meet them at 11:30 am where F boards her horse.   I need to make myself a sammich to take to eat.  Probably I will just use the watermelon elyte powder I got at the convention raffle and throw in some cheese sticks and a sweet salty bar plus large water bottle.   I am going to have to get up right away when my alarm goes off so I can be ready when farrier gets here.   Feed at least the mini's early and lock them in the alley so they are easier to catch, maybe pre-halter them, get my camelback filled etc etc.   

Monday I have to renew my DL.    

Sheesh, do menapausal women make younger gals more fertile?

First my friend B,  her kid just turned a year old.  Then neighbor L that was helping me with dad and then with cleaning 1x/week, her baby will be 1 year old in March.   Today I hopped on FB after my ride with the new riding buddy I have been hauling to trailheads cuz she doesn't have a p/u and trailer and saw she had posted an ultrasound, baby is due in June.   None of these was a planned pregnancy.   

Neighbor and her DH did want to have a kid sometime but were not trying at the time.    B had been trying to find a guy she wanted to marry and have kids with pretty much since I met her, but E was not expected, B had told me she had decided to just raise E on her own "because dad is a good man but we would fight about how to raise E", although  E's "other grandmother" was at E's bday party along with B's parents so perhaps B is involving dad somewhat now.    

New riding buddy F, has a boyfriend,  perhaps now will marry him.  I had not seen the FB ultrasound post when we were driving to the TH and back today and she did not mention it.   I guess she is not going to be trying to do endurance this summer.  That's cool,  her mare is a good trail horse but I don't think CAN do endurance pace, especially for 25 miles.   F was then going to buy a pony her barn owner can't use for lessons cuz pony is ornery and bucks if he decides something is too much work, but pony decided longer faster riding (endurance) is also too much work when we went to ride in Nebraska where I met Abe and decided I wanted to buy him.  F certainly can't mess with bucking pony while pregnant.   

Days like today I'm halfway rooting for DOGE to yank my orgs funding

 Nothing like trying to get shit done, even though I feel like the big boss is blocking me from merit raise or promotion, and getting radio silence when I make a request for something I need group action on on a Friday afternoon and its radio silence because everyone started their weekend early.    

 Of course I could risk my ego,  thinking "oh they'd fall apart if I just quit suddenly" and actually quit.  But I still like most of these people and don't want to put them in a bind.   My supervisor especially I feel would be at risk of a breakdown, she is already doing a bunch of extra stuff.   They wouldn't just fall apart, not right away,  some folks that are coasting a lot would probably step up , some that are already working pretty hard would work even harder and hope big boss got off his wimpy ass to fill the position quickly.  

My work are in panic mode again

 over a USA Today story.   Eye roll,   I'm pretty sure USA Today is near the front of the pack for publishing stories that are very nearly pure fiction as fear mongering or in some regions probably Yahoo inducing 'news'.   

But its quite possible that some Tornado belt university like Oklahoma may gain an advantage for bidding for the next 3 to 5 year grant proposal to manage weather research.    That would probably be the shove out of the nest to get me to sell this place and move to a much less blue state or else to NM to get a warmer winter.   I don't think I would sell and buy a place to commute to either OK university for the last few years before I hit retirement age, I would just retire early, maybe get a low level job, but I could probably just do YOLO and go around to different rides if I found a situation where the retired horses would have care while I was gone.   

But I really don't think we will be getting laid off in the next few weeks.   The stupid leadership thought that Barky and Biden policies would be permanent and went all in on idiot DEI that is anti-science and has zero relationship to our core mission; as well as pushing man-made climate change and shunning any researcher who didn't go along with herd on that and I didn't quit over those things, but it has made me lose any empathy if they do lose funding and folks have to either move to OK to stay in weather field or find private sector jobs. 

Toby will cross the rainbow bridge today

 I'm mostly numb about it right now.  Yesterday he was panting in pain, and didn't want to even take a tramadol (sp?) pain pill wrapped in cheese.   Normally I can give him 4 big capsules wrapped in some american sliced cheese and he gulps them down and thinks he got a nice treat.   I took just the small pain pill in a tiny bit of cheese and stuffed it in his mouth and he did swallow that.   I thought I was going to have to use Ruger to euthanize him, which I did not want to do, my mind goes to "what if my aim is not good enough and its not instant" but the pill kicked in and I called the mobile vet that euthanized Tux the cat for me last year.  She is coming this evening.     My housemate gave Toby some CBD oil and because I thought he was starting to pant again 5-6 hours after the tramadol I gave him 1/2 of a horse size bute tablet yesterday.   Toby has been moving slow the last week, but because he has such a history of teasing the horses and occasionally getting kicked or overdoing it chasing a rabbit and making himself sore I had not thought anything of it until he was panting in pain in the very early morning and didn't even want to swallow a cheese pill.    

With all the pain meds, Toby is still not wanting to move a lot but has wanted to eat, although not his normal kibble,  I gave him a small size can of cat food and a hamburger bun last night and he scarfed it up, and I also gave him some of his normal herbal capsules and his Benedryl in cheese.   I didn't want to give him too much cheese, but he got 3 slices instead of his normal 1/2 with capsules.    Why does it always feel like "do I have to follow through with euthanasia" when massive amounts of pain relief gets the critter feeling better.   He wanted more cat food and bread this morning so I gave him some.   I need to not punt and have the situation of the cancer? or whatever is going on getting so bad that pain meds won't help. 

 I need to dig the grave and have not wanted to start that.  But it will be dark today and I made a riding date for tomorrow so I need to gitRdone.   Part of me wants to cancel the riding, but I don't want to yank the rug on the gal I am riding with and Abe needs the miles. 

I rode Abe at home today

 I almost punted on riding at all but it was nice outside, over 50F with no wind.  It was a mental training ride not a physical conditioning ride but that is okay.  Mental training of Abe and I getting to trust each other with no buddy horse along.  He is already a good riding horse, but I need to get to know and trust him and he needs to get to trust me.    I am glad I bought him.   He and Tanza were play nipping at each other while drinking out of the water tank that crosses the fence between them today.   It made me smile.