I need to try disconnecting the starter battery on the prius

 That is the last thing to try before I have to involve an actual mechanic.  I am so bummed that I bricked the darn thing.   But if I have to junk it that is not going to break me, its just a PITA. 

P.S.  I got a spark trying to get the battery off,  my awesome mechanic neighbor looked at it for me after putting some big squares for his cows in my empty little hay shed.  The folks built a big hay shed so we could just get stacker loads several years ago so that is where my horse hay is.

Neighbor diagnosed it as the blower motor for the hybrid battery is not coming on and the car won't run at all when that blower won't start.  So car might need a new blower,  part is about $200 or there might be short that could take a lot of work to track down.    L and her DH were walking their dogs last night and they are interested in taking the car and he was like "oh I know how to do electrical things on vehicles"  so hopefully they will take the car and it will be easy for him to fix.   

I drove L to her appointment yesterday

 She had asked on the neighborhood text group if anyone could give her a ride and got a few "sorry, I have something going on" replies.   She has told the group she is pregnant.   I suppose I'm the only one she has been comfortable telling me that she is nervous and wondering if she should abort so all the hard core pro life folks may not know that tidbit.  But they know she is liberal and pro-choice, and if they had a bit of ability to read between the lines they'd pick up that she is having a tough time.    I don't know whether to tell them this is their rubber meets the road moment for their beliefs if they want to make sure this fetus is carried to term if there is not a natural mis-carriage or keep my mouth shut.  

I was going to take the Prius and it wouldn't go.   Maybe, maybe the battery was too low to start the gas engine and that is why it crapped out and wouldn't run.  Or the starter is bad or there is a bad fuse for the fuel pump or.   I have the trickle charger on it to test the battery possibility.   If that isn't it I will have to ask P if he can put his reader on it and see what the computer thinks is wrong.    If L is not going to want to take on the insurance and whatnot and make payments I am going to be bummed that I didn't at least call CarMax and ask if they offered a ride service to sellers or might arrange a lyft or uber and I probably could have got someone in the neighborhood to give me a lift.  

I offered dad's big wall tent to a couple folks on the chat that I thought might be interested.  No takers so I will have to list it on CL and or FB marketplace.   

B is going to take me up on feed lease for Taj.  I hope she will maybe want to keep riding him some, but she is starting to feel her pregnancy so she might not have any interest in riding until next year.

This is why I only have a few friends.   If I consider someone my friend I feel an obligation to help out if I can, like the ride for L.  Taking Taj is beneficial to me as well as B since I'll have a backup horse for trail-riding that I am familiar with having ridden with B often.   I guess if I had the huge network of friends then it would be easier to only offer to help for stuff that was easy.  I don't know. 

I need to put out there for a housemate, maybe a couple.   Rent on anything is crazy around here so it might be a great deal for someone.  I'm nervous to just advertise but if I demanded references it would probably be okay.  

Offered to feed lease B's horse

 I've always liked Taj.   I'm a bit hurt that she didn't even consider asking me if I might be interested.   I only found out she was looking to sell or rehome him by seeing her post to MRER group when I hopped on FB to look at trailers on marketplace to get an idea on pricing dad's trailer.  

She said she liked the idea and needed to think on it.   If she takes me up on it, especially the modified lease and staying more involved with him it will nudge me hard to just stay here.   But if she places him with someone that is another sign that I need to just cut the fraying threads holding me here and finally try to make a place of my own in a sane state. 

Worried about my neighbor

 She hadn't been eating and felt so bad she called 911 on Wednesday.   They told her her liver is in bad shape because she has not been eating and she IS pregnant about 6 weeks.   I don't know what to DO to help her.  I should text some of the ladies group and see if they will organize some visits bearing food.   I can't do a lot but could go over sometimes bringing food, maybe uncooked and ask if she'll help me cook it :P    I have gotten into a state of not wanting to cook myself, but I am still eating plenty,  I just end up eating summer sausage and cheese, or a bagel or something that doesn't require me to cook a meal.  

we are finally getting our OS updates done

It has been a long drawn out process and when I thought we had things licked and were ready to go go go the big boss got cold feet and insisted on a bunch of comparisons with the old OS.   Some issues were found and corrected and some issues were found with old software so it was not quite wasted effort to do the comparisons but I was beginning to feel like he was going to make us fail our mission with the cold feet.  

Now I should push ahead with the new orbit software but I'm having trouble motivating myself both for work stuff and home life.   I'm still fairly paralyzed not knowing whether I just need to make a push to get to know people and get roommates and stay here or make a clean break.   I'm scared of moving,  I have a hard enough time networking here.  Moving to a more rural state where there aren't many people might result in me really ending up in a spiral of everything falling apart because of not getting maintained.  But if my great next door neighbors decided to move I'd feel very adrift here AND would be in an idiotic blue state that penalizes success through hard work and turns a blind eye or even abets junkies and thieves. 

summer doldrums

My friend is expecting in January.   I didn't even know she was getting married.  In fact I'm not 100% sure she did marry even after getting on FB to see what I had missed.   She has wanted to be a parent for years, I'm happy for her but also a bit envious that she is realizing her dream and I am treading water trying to avoid going into a serious depression and wondering whether to sell this place and finally 'run away from home' or try to get a housemate or 2 to make being here more enjoyable.   Obviously I am not a close friend.   She is one of my few friends but she is super social and has a huge circle of friends. 

The neighbor and friend that took care of dad and still comes weekly and cleans the floors and counters and does laundry is probably expecting as well.   

And I am just getting through the days and have punted on wrapping up the last bit of settling dad's estate.  Blah. 

Decisions, decisions

 I need to call the hay lady's son in the real estate business and see what he thinks this place might sell for.  

I also need to get an ad somewhere for a roommate and do Farmers Only or something like it.   If I got a great roommate perhaps staying here is the best option.   But I am feeling unloved in the neighborhood.  I'm trying to engage more but I feel like I'm only getting polite acceptance because they all liked dad.  

If I had a partner to help, setting up a new place would feel a lot more doable and I could shake the colorado dust off my sandals when I left.   I feel like the commiecrats will keep the state in a death spiral for my lifetime if not forever.  I'm a bit hesitant to sell because the sibs will probably think they should get a cut if the place did sell for a lot.  But I could give them some money up to the gift tax limit for a year or 3 to keep family peace.  Staying here but not enjoying it just because "the sibs will feel screwed if I sell and get a lot of $"  would be stupid.    

Late P.S.  my big fear with moving is I would be just as lonely and unconnected in a new place, if not more so.  I probably should get on some dating sites and try to connect with someone else who would like to move away from cali lite.