I will not interfere with the online panhandler.

I will not participate but just as with a street theatre panhandler there is no need for me to interfere with the performance.   Those who donate are getting warm fuzzy feelings out of it and there is no need for me to interfere with that just because I get a vibe of "this is quite a cushy living, just shaking my cup online and otherwise gabbing with my fingers"   It is perfectly fine for me to simply choose not to jump into the game.

And on a related note:  I will get myself over feeling guilty about not giving my bro and SiL money and stop projecting "she was manipulating me, she is trying to be a pampered princess on my bro's middle class salary yada yada" to counteract my guilt emotions.   I ended up feeling manipulated in October and I have my own potential budget crunch and need to beef up my emergency fund plus get a vehicle repair/replace fund built.

I have also listened to enough Dave Ramsey to know that people have to control their spending to get out of paycheck to paycheck mode, otherwise the spending just outpaces any increases in income.   So I'm not going to try to supplement their income any more.  If they ask I will offer to pay for a FPU enrollment instead.   But they know the Ramsey name from me sending his money makeover book to her son and son's gf who "were going to get married but don't have money yet"  Well I DGAF if they marry or not.  They probably are better with not until they grow up and get themselves jobs or start a business walking dogs or whatever.  Working part time retail is not a good life long plan.  But IMO thinking they'll just be heirs is even worse and those adult kids need to be told "work part-time and get training for what you want to do as a career"  but none of those 4 is asking me for life advice so I won't shove it in their faces unless they ask me for money.

I just need to log in to my RA again and adjust beneficiaries.  If I 'get hit by a bus' I don't want my final thoughts to be "oh shit,  son and GF are going to indirectly get my retirement money cuz SiL will give it to them and bro will go along with it."

Winter blahs

I always get them, more a feeling of not wanting to do a bunch of riding than serious blues the last few years. And I always struggle a bit with "what is wrong with me not seizing the day and riding when we get nice warm days in winter?"   But since my riding desire comes back with increasing sun I don't worry as much as I used to.   I am trying to force myself to do more pecking away with de-cluttering efforts.   It is harder this year than last because I already got rid of most of the easy obvious stuff.  But I have made a bit more progress and I just need to keep making it at least a weekly goal.

I have whiffed on having difficult conversation with brother that he and SiL need to go to FPU or something rather than asking me for dough.  With the government shutdown I may face a budget shortfall myself this year.   I am undecided whether I should try to make a big de-cluttering, spring cleaning, yard improvements push if we end up on furlough/forced PTO or try to get a temporary job.
 If I had a crystal ball to know how long we will be in this place it would be easier.  With working full time I take the same tack as cooking.  "Only cook stuff I like to eat and dad can eat that or fall back on his usual pre-packaged stuff"   so with the home improvements and cleaning similarly.  "Only do things that will make my life easier by making it easier to find stuff or I'll enjoy the results of this project"  Part of me would like to sell the place and move to WY soon, but it is handy to be able to commute to work to have social interactions and be away from house and I cannot see dad deciding to move and give up the neighbors he loves and the handy very short drive to run in and shop or see docs etc just to make sure he doesn't lose equity value in the house.

Would a move to block new horse events from olympics help horses?

I think some of the extreme competitive drive which is resulting in turning international endurance into 100 mile track races stems from a desire to see a region 7 flag raised over an olympic podium.  And I have a real problem with the thought of endurance as an olympic event on general principles.  The horse is the star athlete in endurance just as in steeple racing or the Kentucky Derby.   I am not knocking AERC-I members who are able to combine the roles of professional race trainer and jockey and do both with good horsemanship and often while working to pay the bills.  I also think that there are trainers and jockeys in the Tb world who are good horsemen.  There are plenty of 100% amateurs  who ride in similar styles to pro-racing just for fun.  We call them fox hunters for steeple chasing, but we wisely don't include steeple chasing with hurdles in the olympics.

Region 7 is putting jockey club sweepstakes level money into endurance races and the fact is that endurance is closer to track racing than eg dressage in that a stable can condition/train a horse and then that horse can do well with any pro level rider/jockey.  This doesn't fit the FEI model of making the rider the responsible agent when it comes to sanctioning for drug violations or other cases of horse mal-treatment since the horses are not ridden by the owners and the stables easily recruit new jockeys when FEI catches a drug violation and suspends the rider for a year or 2, meanwhile the owners and stables still claim the glory when their horse(s) win. 

 Fact is I am not even 100% comfortable with dressage, jumping, and eventing as olympic events, but they do require extra rider skills and communication with the horse to succeed, nor is speed the sole factor in determining the winners, plus they are historical.  But I think horse lovers should take a stand that horse racing, regardless of whether it is a quarter mile AQHA sprint or a 100 mile course is not and never will be an olympic sport where the winner represents human sport achievement.  It is probably not possible to put the genie back in the bottle with the endurance distance professional racing; FEI needs to either adopt jockey club style rules where the owner and trainer as well as jockey are sanctioned for violations or possibly they need to shove endurance out of FEI as an event that that is not compatible with the FEI structure and mission.   

Lord guide my mouth today

Taking horses to their new boarding facility today.   I want to plant the seed that J should take over working on horses feet and consider it as a career if he likes doing it.  Or that R might consider it as a part time gig going through college if she wants to get a degree.    Either or both of them would be able to handle it better than D with her back issues.  I am so fortunate that the planking and sit-ups have my back and abs stronger where I can handle doing the mini's feet so long as break it up to just 1 or 2 hooves at a time.  

I put up lights along the mini's fence yesterday.   The posts are not exactly even in height and I was not working to get super uniform drape, but its is bright cheerful curves of light.  Thank god we still have cheap electricity in this country.   May the useful idiots who believe and repeat lies from the would be globalist totalitarians get struck with clue bats before they destroy this boon to mankind.

Brother out of hospital and okay

And I sucked it up and sent him dough now.  I'll just have to hope he and M understand that I am not going to hand them more if they waste this and then are short again in 6 months.  I also emailed the ND relatives to give them his PO box # and link to the fund raiser.  I struggled with how to include the fundraiser but came up with 'dad and I sent them money they are not in $ need, but if you want to send a quick electronic message.'     A bit awkward but oh well.

Now I think I will straggle out and rasp on Bs hind feet.   I must find a way to tell his owners that he does not have problem feet if they well rasp his toes back.   Sadie has problem feet and I don't know what to do to try to correct cuz she doesn't have extra hoof length, but perhaps if I get diligent about taking her toes back it will help with her heels wanting to under-run.   

arghh, brother in hospital

3rd hand from dad is a blocked colon.   He was constipated but just ignoring it and then went to emergency room after vomiting.  Well probably M took him in at that point.  Hopefully brother does not have a tumor.   I feel so jerked around by M with the "we need help with cancer treatment deductibles even though cancer is is remission doc recommends continued treatment" from Jan-Jun, then  "now we are good we got a grant or something to cover the treatments",   then "oh we are getting a settlement because judge ordered state to pay on the years old workman's comp case and will be able to pay you back (I had considered that help a gift)"  , then less than a month later "oh now we are reaching out to everyone we know because the cancer came back and deductible for new treatment is needed" (right after I found out they bought a new Camry this summer after bro was stupid and drove their old car after oil light came on because oil pan was damaged) that I am STILL struggling to set those feelings aside and send them any money now.

 I have felt like M will just go on a spending spree or hand a bunch of money to her layabout son and his layabout commie? gf who convinced son to go from under employed, not able to afford his own place and not paying rent to M and brother to not working at ALL so I wanted to wait until brother let me know they need $ for a specific expense to send more than the small amount I did right away.  But if brother is stressed out because of his emotionally needy wife and how to be ready for first/last rent to move and so on maybe I should at least send some $ now to reduce his stress and only hold part of what I can give him in reserve for the next thing they will need extra money for.   But it is a mental struggle for me.   They've been staying with her uncle in Chico,  they are not stuck in a tent in a Walmart lot like some of the Camp fire victims, dad sent them 5K and I sent them 500 via the on-line fund they asked me to set up and other folks collectively sent them 1K (and I don't think they reached out a lot to their circle with that fund)  and then I sent them $1150 for Xmas plus $350 to the layabout 27 yr old son and his layabout gf cuz I'm sure those two didn't have renters insurance.  

Its hard for me now to separate my feelings that I was being manipulated for $ by M this summer from the actual need they do have after this fire.  Extra prayers for divine guidance and having forgiveness in my heart on this front would be appreciated.   I also have a bit of chip for M because she didn't come to mom's memorial, nor has seen dad, sis or I in the following 6 years.  I nudged brother last year before Christmas about maybe dad and I visiting their area for some event in a nearby city (did not spell out that that would mean we'd get a hotel vs piling into their house but thought it was understood) and he put us off until his tae-kwan-do tournament in NM in Sept.  Well that worked out, dad didn't die before then and we did get in some visiting, but if M can't bring herself to be present and cordial in our company it doesn't make it easier to give them money.

 I am thinking I need to swallow my pride and share the fund link with extended family and maybe my endurance circle, as well as letting go of my "Nooooo,  I really only have a decent emergency fund right now, not extra $ to give to bro's fandamily"   I CAN build the emergency fund back up and him losing his house is a valid $ emergency, its not like dipping into the emergency fund to take a vacation.   But after convincing myself I needed to have that 4 months of expenses held in reserve it is hard to let go of it.

I like my new rasps

Thursday I went to go work on Frosty the mini's feet and could NOT find the mini nippers.  I was nearly insane with frustration, finally I just rasped on his front foot.   Friday I found my nippers in the alleyway of the mini pen.   I went in with a rake because that was the only place I figured I had not searched so thoroughly I could not have missed the rasp.  I glanced down before making one pass with the rake and the nippers were right there.  They were not rusted yet and I used them on Frosty's hind feet on Saturday.   Today I took the TmMonster rasp to B's hind feet. 

 When the rasps arrived I found that the monster means a wider rasp.   It did do a good job.  I got mad early and whacked B when he was yanking his foot away from me right away and good old stock horse mind he straightened up instead of getting scared and wild so I was able to do a fair amount, I was limited by only having the rasp, I had not even grabbed my hoof knife but the sharp rasp did take a fair amount off,  I rasped quite a bit on his very long toes.   I was going to do Mojo instead, take care of our own horses overgrown feet before worrying about the boarders horse,  but Mojo would not let me catch him this morning so I decided to dink on Bs feet a bit.  He's a good little horse, I don't want him to end up lame because DL's back is not up to doing much.

 But I don't know why she hasn't just delegated the hoof maintenance to the twins;  at 17 either one of them could handle it and M and B are mostly their horses, its not like the horses are DLs so she doesn't want to make the kids do the work of them for that reason.  I'm not involved enough to know but I think R puts on a woe is poor little dainty me act and J is fairly busy working a regular job as well as high school.  But I don't know and I may be projecting onto R from the people around me in my HS and college years.