Tanza did have small rocks in one front foot and in his sesamoid issue hind foot

 Yesterday it was sunny after Friday's overnight rain, before the afternoon 2nd wave rain came in, and I fed earlier but the wind was blowing pretty good after I went in put on my riding sneakers so I just put Tanza up.     When I fed at 10pm Taj was shivering, the dumb bunny got soaked instead of staying mostly in his shed while it was raining.   So I put his blanket on him.   I haven't pulled his blanket yet, it's cloudy so I wanted to wait a bit to see if was going to rain more.

I am so lonely the past few weeks that I'm thinking yet again about selling this place and moving.  I called sis last night but I just got her voicemail and she never called me back.   I did sign up for equestrian singles but have not upgraded to the paid membership or filled in with more pics and a better profile yet.  But certainly I am now free to move if I would click with someone.   Right now that feels unlikely so I'll have to get past my waah waah mood and try to put myself out there a bit.   Realistically I Need to add someone to my life.  Could be that just a housemate or housemate couple would work out best but I'm trying to get myself to pursue various options.  

Today Tanza took some ouchy steps

 Ughhh.   I guess this points me towards taking him to CSU again.   The bad steps felt like he was sore on a front foot but I don't trust myself.   I guess I will clean his feet good tomorrow to see if there is anything to be seen, and maybe ride him in the sandy paddock instead of down the hard road next time I get on him and probably I need to be back to "just get him sound for more active pasture turnout, buy another horse to do any serious riding" mindset like I was thinking this winter.   With Tanza seeming to be quite good I was thinking I can take him on trails as long as I don't ride with the endurance folks.  Now I don't know. 

I'm reluctant to buy another horse because I don't know if I'll ride that much even if I get a good sound trail horse.  I've been trying to connect with a couple of B's friends.   J texted that she 'was out of commission' right now.   L texted that she wanted to ride but had hurt her back.   I texted L again a week ago and she said her back was still messed up.   I think L probably is actually hurt.  I don't know with M and J, they might just be throwing out an excuse.   I've always enjoyed riding with them but it's long drives to their trails, and they ride longer, not sure I have the energy to do it too often even if they ever invite me to join them, but it would be good for Taj while B is too busy with baby daughter to ride him.  

Finally we have had 3 nice days in a row

 On the weekend of the 15th B was out to visit on Saturday, then it got breezy later that afternoon.  Then on Sunday the 16th it was a strong breeze all day and I thought I'd wait and ride Taj during the week since my afternoons are mostly free of meetings other than wed.    A couple of the mornings were nice but every afternoon the wind was blowing hard.  I was thinking "why am I paying the extra $ to live here if I'm going to have Wyoming/Dakota winds all the time."   But I did hand walk Tanza a few times.   Dr Mike cleared him for riding at a walk on the 14th but with the wind and my paranoia I opted to hand walk.

Finally on Sunday the 23rd it stayed nice all day.   Saturday, the 22nd it was not bad in the morning and I cut some dead branches with the pole saw but I didn't want to burn as it was gusting at times and the forecast had called for wind which did indeed arrive in the afternoon. 

I led Tanza a short ways on Sunday and then left Toby in the house and took my little 2.5 mile loop ride on Taj.   When I rode Taj a couple weeks ago and let Toby come along Toby was so sore he was panting from the pain in the middle of the night 2 days later,  I remembered I had some old Tramadol and gave him one the next morning and I've given him 2 devils claw capsules both night and day since.   But still Toby needs to only come when I'm doing a shorter, only walking ride on Tanza from now on.   

Today I rode Tanza.  Just 1/2 mile if that out and back at a walk but I rode him, and he felt fine.   I'm so relieved.   When he stayed so sore for weeks after the CSU visit before T-day I was so depressed, wondering if I'd have to confine him to paddock without an energizer horse like Taj forever.   I bought a cold light equine laser and used it 5 times a week or so, some of the cold windy days only lasting for 5 or 10 minutes and then end of February and early March before Dr Mikes visit when the weather got nicer ramping up to over 40 minutes a session.   I'm still using it some now, trying to get Tanza healed really well, but with Dr Mike's statement I decided that some extra walking on hard ground is probably good to get the bones to heal stronger at this point.   

Sigh, FB is just as bad as it was in early 2021

 I was thinking to post for a housemate, but after scanning my feed and seeing the amount of TVDS I can't deal with FB.   I didn't ride at all on Sunday.  I did hand walk Tanza, but then the wind was up and I thought "oh I'll just ride tomorrow".   The wind has been even stronger than on Sunday; oops.  

I guess I'm riding only at home again today.

Last week I texted on Sunday to a couple of B's riding friends and one said she would like to ride together but she had injured her back but the weekend of the 15th might work.   I never got a text sent to her before this weekend and she didn't text me either.   Probably her back is still not 100%.   I didn't want to commit early because the forecast was predicting it might snow Friday night so I didn't know if trails would be rideable, plus was doing the vaccinations, so wasn't sure Taj would feel okay today.   He may be a bit blah but I think is okay.

Yesterday was the anniversary of dad dying.  I don't make a thing of death anniversaries, I don't even remember now when Mom died, just mid Sept.  of course with her it was  smeared out over 2-3 days since she was in hospital and they had her heart working in the ER; that doc wanted to pull the plug immediately but I pushed back to at least contact the sibs first even though she was unresponsive so mom was in ICU for a day or 2.    But I was still a bit extra low because of remembering it was the day dad died.

B came out to visit with her baby E yesterday.  That was very nice.   I texted the neighbors in case they wanted to come over and say hello and see the baby but he was at a bday party with the son and she was having a tea party so I guess was too busy.   I have got to get over my angst that I am only their neighbor and not on their list of friends.  At least we are on good neighbor terms, they store, use, and maintain dad's tractor he bought a few years ago and I can grab it whenever I want or need to do some tractor work and I don't have to remember to buy fuel or get its maintenance done.  That is a huge blessing to me.   It's just a sad thing to me that I feel like they don't enjoy my company.    I cannot think what I'm doing that is a turnoff to the neighborhood ladies group.   I don't think I just moan and whine when together, and I certainly don't constantly try to one-up.  I do sometime become a total chatterbox, but I think that is mainly when I'm nervous or excited, like when I'm at a ride, so I don't think I'm not letting them have a chance to speak.  Perhaps it's only being an old maid and not having the common reference of kids.   

I rode Taj last weekend at home and it went well

I tried Tanza's bridle on Taj.  I was shocked that I didn't have to adjust the headstall but it seemed find, not too tight.   And it worked well,  I was not fearful of not being able to get Taj stopped so I let him canter more, he did his head tossing a bit but with the German martingale I didn't feel like I might get bopped hard in the nose and with my reins Taj was not able to get more slack in the reins so I was able to just ride through the tossing and he quit quickly.    That was the bright spot of the week.

Friday was vaccine day.   It was cold and icky.  I had asked that the appointment add a lameness evaluation for Tanza but Dr Mike only had me trot him out and back and he said I could start riding him.  Well with all the yeehaw and whatnot when I went to catch Sadie Tanza seemed sore later that day when I fed him.   I guess I should start riding him at a walk though, it will probably be good for bone healing, but I'm going to have to continue laser yet and clearly Tanza is not ready to go in with Taj's pen because Taj will run Tanza around quite a bit at least at first.   Oh well, so it goes.   I guess I'll probably schedule another x-ray at CSU but not until mid-April.   At the Jan 31 appointment the vet said it would be too early to see a change in x-rays and probably come back in a couple of months.  

If I can't get a handle on my blues I may be forced to ask for a prescription

 I very much want to avoid needing a prescription psychotropic drug.  I still remember the psychiatrist in sis's riding club decades ago mentioning that withdrawal from them is usually a real bitch; so I don't want to sign on for something I'll need to keep taking forever and be at the mercy of the CCP, where I might get to go through bitch withdrawal anyway because they decide to have a trade war.   

But I'm tired of being on the struggle bus so much of the time.